The 3 keys to a Godly Marriage

The old adage "two are better than one" is actually biblical. 

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says that two are better than one, that if one falls over, the other lifts them up, the two bring warmth to one another, and if one of them is attacked that the two of them can withstand an enemy easily together. Then it says something curious. Verse thirteen says “A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” So if the verses above are talking about two, where did that third cord come from? That third cord is God.

In this passage, marriage is like a rope, with three parts, wound tightly together, functioning as one unit; the cord (marriage) is not easily broken.  I want to look at two words from this passage.

Withstand in the Strong’s concordance (05975) means stand, endure, arise and hold your ground (against an enemy). When we are in a Godly marriage, the enemy must fight two instead of one. If one can put 1000 to flight, two can put 10,000!

The second word I want to look at is Broken (Strong’s 05423). Broken means to be drawn apart, unraveled, and pulled away. When God is removed from a marriage: when He is no longer the focus of both of the individuals in the marriage and they do not make Him the emphasis then there is no cohesion holding them together. This is what God meant about being “unequally yoked”. 

When we are partnered (yoked) up with a person for life, the belief systems better be the same, otherwise when problems arise, there will be more tension and problems than necessary because each person will want to attack the challenge a different way. When they are equally yoked, they can easily WITHSTAND the enemy together.

God must be the center of the marriage.

When Randy and I were single we sought God, we followed after Him and we did not move without Him. Why did our focus change when we got married? It shouldn’t have. But because it did we faced some BIG consequences.  


God is clear. Seek ye first His kingdom, His way of doing things, His righteousness and all the other stuff will be added along the way.

There are three keys to keeping God in your marriage and I want to share them now. We have covered the first without naming it, but here it is: 


Priority- God comes first in your everyday, walking around life

The second is Expectation. 


Do not place anyone in God’s place. –this is so important. If your spouse says things like “you complete me” or “I could not live without you” those sound so romantic, but they are so dangerous! 

No one completes us but God! He is our Provider, our first love, and when we place a person into that spot in our hearts, our relationship is doomed to break, fail, and unravel!

Do you think Job looked at his wife and said “You complete me”? I don’t think so! He did not cry out to his wife when his troubles came, he cried out to God!  Just sayin’…

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

The third thing is Focus. What you focus on you gravitate to.  When a little kid is getting a haircut, and they get told to look straight ahead so the stylist or barber can cut their hair, one thing that makes them move their head every time is lack of focus. They begin to look around in the mirror, and their head naturally follows their eyes. In sports, they say “keep your eye on the ball”.  What you are focused on you gravitate to.

When we are focused on God, we gravitate to Him, He becomes our center. We crawl in His lap for rest and worship in His presence. When we focus on self we pull away from our spouses, we spin out of control like an asteroid knocked away from a larger body (our spiritual gravity is changed). When we focus on self, the lust of our eyes becomes all we see and we fall into the traps and snares of the enemy, because we are not looking to God and His path.

If you want a good, Godly marriage, focus on it. Philippians 4:8 says focus on the good things: things that are true, things that are honest, things that are just, things that are lovely, things that are positive.  So how can we apply that focus into our marriage?

1. Focus on God

2. Focus on showing and walking in love toward and with  one another

3. Focus on Grace: don’t let the small stuff bug you. In the end, what does it matter where he squeezes the tooth paste from or which way the roll faces?

4. Focus on fun: enjoy one another’s company

5. Focus on unity: A house divided cannot stand!

Live with Intention!

When we live with intention every day for God, with a partner by our side, expecting God to lead, direct, and fulfill us, focusing on His will for our lives, we will have a Godly marriage.  These three things: Keeping God first, having Godly expectations, and Focusing on God, these are the ingredients that make a Godly marriage, a good, solid, faith based marriage. 

Salted Caramel Pudding...Yumm. Photo Credit: Creative Commons

They say the proof is in the pudding. Well, if the ingredients are right and in the right proportion, when the heat (the stress of life) comes, the pudding will be fine! Taste and see that the Lord is good!

What suggestions do you have for creating a stronger Godly marriage?