Marriage Part 1- My Story

Who Am I? 

Randy and I 2008

I am no professional counselor; I have no degrees that make me an expert. I am just a 30 something woman who has been married nearly 18 years. In that time, I have experienced a lot of challenges, many which would have ended most marriages. Yet, our marriage has survived. Why? God: He has healed our marriage because we allowed Him to.

The Truth of the Matter

I guess I better give you a bit of background. I am an adulterer. When my husband and I were married about seven years, I had sex with someone who was not my husband. This nearly destroyed me as a person and created such an emotional backlash, that even before I told my husband the truth, our marriage was so bad Randy left me. I could give you a list of excuses, and some of them were a factor, but I chose to do wrong.

I knew what God said about it, but I had given myself over to the lust of the flesh long before I committed the act of adultery. That is why we must be so careful to guard our hearts. I had let little things, offenses between my husband and me, build up and harden my heart toward him. He had stopped praying over me, shielding me, and loving me like Christ loves the church.  This combination created a vacuum that sucked the life and joy out of our relationship.  We lost our first love, the cement that held us together, and our world fell apart.

The three month separation was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life, and through it all, God was the reason we got back together, and He was the reason we began to heal. Still, through a separation, through a number of years, I did not tell my husband about the adultery. I felt that since I had stopped sinning, I had repented to God; there was no need to tell Randy anything: it would only hurt him. Little did I know that around year twelve, nearly five years later, God would tell me to tell my husband the truth.

Nothing Stays Hidden Forever

I had been at a Discipleship Training Seminar Intensive Weekend, designed and hosted by my then pastor, Cere Muscarella, and a major focus of this DTS was to discover and write my personal mission statement. Simple enough, right? Not by a long shot. I was struggling and was not hearing God at all. Frustration was setting in, and try as I might, the night ran out of class, and I ran into an emotional and spiritual wall.

Sitting in my car, worship music blaring and tears running down my face I wallowed in self-pity. 


Why couldn’t I hear God? 


Why couldn’t I write my personal mission statement? 


Because I had a something God wanted me to address. When I finally got around to asking God what He wanted me to do, (novel idea, right?) the only thing I heard was “Tell him!”

Ummm, What? 

I don’t know if you have ever had this kind of moment with God, but at the time, it was my first response. I played dumb! Questions like, “What do You mean Lord”, and “You know if I tell him and we divorce You have to take care of me, right?” came out of my mouth. I finally relented and obeyed, and what an amazing God I serve!

He is my best friend! Randy and Dayna Bickham 2012

Forgiveness Allows Room for Healing

My husband had long suspected unfaithfulness, but was too afraid to ask. I had wondered about him during the darkest part of those days, and while he fell into some very questionable situations and sexual sin, infidelity was not one of them. I was thrilled when Randy’s affirmation and love washed over me with his words “I love you, and I forgive you.” After that forgiveness was my response to him as well. The spontaneous joy that erupted was so completely healing that the thing Satan intended for evil, God turned to good. We spent that weekend loving one another, and healing and now this is my testimony. I can share this story with you. 

You can see God’s glory for yourself!

The next morning was the last day of the DTS Intensive weekend, and I woke hearing God give me my mission statement. His promises are new every morning! Since then, nearly six years have passed, and I love my husband more every day. My commitment to him has grown, and my trust in my Father has exploded!

There have been other challenges: money issues, health issues, even mental health issues, children issues, mothers-in law issues, (mostly my mom, bless her) but none were as challenging as adultery. 

When I got out of God’s way, when I stopped thinking I knew better, and I listened and obeyed, then God healed us.

So as we go forward in this study on marriage, know I have been there, I have sinned there, and I have been forgiven and healed there. 


You can be too!

Have you faced infidelity in your marriage? How did you handle that?