Writing the Next Chapter

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Self-Discovery 101

On my recent mission trip to Guatemala I learned so much about myself. I learned I could walk farther than I thought possible. I learned that sweat, though stinky, can smell like a sweet perfume if it is made in service to the King. 

I also learned that I am able to do what He has called me to do. 

The Rub

Sometimes we know what our purpose is, what our call is, but we do not walk in it. This leads to dissatisfaction and overall unhappiness with life, and sometimes with our relationship with God. At least, I know I have felt this way. 

You see, I knew I was called to "preach beyond the hills" (a personal word I received when I was just sixteen). I knew I wanted to be a missionary since I was about 19, but I thought I had either "missed it" or God had changed His mind about using me since then. After all, a lot had changed for me. 

I got married. I had kids. I had an affair. I did not have a completed degree. I was "just" a blogger. I am overweight. The list goes on.... Jon Acuff says in his best-selling book Quitter "sometimes living your dream is an act of recovery more than of discovery." (sic) 

These things are only part of my story. Not the whole of who I am., or who I was created and called to be. Yet, I let them stand in the way of doing everything God has called me to. 

I am a writer. I know the work there is basically this: butt in chair and type away. This is doing the work of a writer, I am a mother, I know the work there is multifaceted and includes being a chef, taxi service, disciplinarian, loving listener, quality time maker and so much more. I am a wife. I know the work there is being a confidant, a lover, a friend, a cheerleader, a shoulder, etc. 

I walk and function in all of these callings on my life, but neglected the call I heard as a kid.

Sometimes we disqualify ourselves before the game has truly begun. TWEET THAT

The Truth

The truth is I am called. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me so. I am usable, because Romans 8:28 says that God can use anything and everything, even the bad stuff, to bring Himself the glory through us. Ephesians 2:10 says I am His masterpiece called to do good works. Isaiah 55 says God is in covenant with me, and the nations are given unto me. This is the Word of God breathing life into me, and the voice of my Father leading me. 

"And that same Christ gave these gifts to people: He made some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to go and tell the Good News, and some to care for and teach God’s people. Christ gave these gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger.This work must continue until we are all joined together in what we believe and in what we know about the Son of God. Our goal is to become like a full-grown man—to look just like Christ and have all his perfection" Ephesians 4:11-13 

Jeff Goins in his book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life says this: 

"What we have to learn to do is lean into the things that hold is back, to move through the pain and push forward." 

I felt held back, I felt bad about myself, and I felt justified in my excuses.  I was my problem, not any thing else. So when I felt prompted to take a step unlike any other I have ever taken in my life, I knew that I could no longer be held back. I am called to missions and I will serve where I am called. 

I could not stand on the sidelines letting life and my call pass me by any longer. I want what ever mantle God trusts me with and that means I must obey. 

After all, God is the author and finisher of our faith and He is starting the next chapter for me. I want to be on the same page with Him. 

The Next Step

The next step for me was applying as a leader candidate at Adventures in Missions. This group is the one that lead the Wrecked Vision Team to Guatemala. It is doing some amazing work. I have been interviewed and invited to attend candidate training camp in April 2013. I will travel to Georgia and see what God is preparing me for. 

This is a scary, yet beautifully exciting thing for me. 

I cannot do it alone. Here are four ways you can help: 

• Pray for me - as I embark on this great new leg of my journey. 
• Support me - going and doing does cost money. Even Jesus had a ministry account. 
• Like My Page - I have a page on Facebook just for all things missions related. There you can get updates and share encouraging messages.
• Subscribe - to this blog. Updates and stories will come here first and foremost.  

Thank you for all you do to advance the kingdom of God and for me. You are a great group of readers and I would not trade you for anything. 

Join the Conversation: 

What is next for you? 

Can God Use You?

We are Blogging Through the Book together using Mike Glenn's The Gospel of Yes. If you want to go through this book with us, it is not too late. Click here to purchase a copy. (affiliate link) 

Chapters 4 and 5

These are my favorite chapters so far. Mike Glenn gets to the heart of how and why God says yes, and I loved every page.  

I have heard it said that the Bible is nothing more than a collection of stories about God talking with and moving on the hearts and lives of regular everyday men. Rarely do we get God speaking directly to a king. God chose shepherds like David, scribes like Daniel, young women like Ruth, and old women like Naomi. In the New Testament we see Jesus pick fishermen, a doctor, an accountant. His profession was a carpenter. God chose normal, everyday people like you and I. He still does today. God chooses you to say "Yes" to.

Mike reminds us of the same thing in this book. He also reminds us that normal people have problems. 

We All Have A History

We all have a past. Something we rather no one know, much less talk about. 

I was an adulterer. After the sin was done and I had repented to God, I hid for years behind little and big lies so no one would know. My husband was unaware of the truth. He suspected something may have happened during a dark period of our marriage, but never asked me about it. 

God would not let my sin stand. He prompted me to tell my husband everything, not because God wanted to punish me, but because He wanted me to be free of the weight and the burden of that sin once and for all. 

He wanted to heal my marriage. 

Now this is my testimony: God is good, His promises are yes and amen, and there is nothing that He cannot do because I have seen Him heal my marriage after infidelity. He made that one of the planks in my platform when I preach and teach the Gospel.

It is my story, but it is also HiStory! 

Mike Glenn says this: 

"God will take the "nos" in your life and find a way to make them all "yeses"... He can take the worst day of your life and make it the first line of your testimony of redemption." 

The Surprise of "Yes"

There is a moment when we are surprised by what God can do. I have had this moment over and over. These "awe"some moments leave us a little breathless at God's goodness and His faithfulness. When we truly grasp that God is for us, then we begin to understand what His "yeses" are all about: love and relationship. 

God loves you and wants a relationship with you. 

Even if you have failed. Even if you feel broken and unworthy, God wants you. He loves you. He has a plan for you. 

This is the surprise of "Yes". There is nothing God can not do when we let Him say yes to us. 

"Despite all the human failures, despite the open rebellion of humanity against its Creator, God patiently and persistently weaves His will into the lives of men and women who are open to His presence." Mike Glenn, The Gospel of Yes

There is no "Big Stick" 

God is not waiting to punish you for your wrongs. He doesn't want anyone to languish in eternal damnation. He gave us the big "Yes" in Jesus. Jesus is the way God bridged the gulf between mankind and himself. Through Jesus is the redemptive embrace we have longed for. In that embrace is where our healing begins and our lives become changed. 

There are times when God could have said "NO!" to me. I am almost certain there are times when He could have said "NO!" to you. Yet, if you look, there was more grace and mercy in your worst moment than you deserved. That was God working on your behalf. 

The only piece of wood that matters to God is not a stick. It is a cross. That is His "Yes" instead of a no. 

Search Your Heart

 Search yourself and ask yourself this: "Have I said yes to God?" He said yes to you. Again and again. Surrender your life to Him. Begin saying yes to Him and the Yes of His grace will propel you to new heights in Jesus!  God can use you. He wants to use you. He has already said yes to you, all He is waiting for is for you to say yes to Him!

Join the discussion: Do you have a testimony of God's yes working in your life when He could have said no?

Leave your comments below. 

Blogging Through the Book is a group of bloggers who literally blog while reading the book. It’s different than merely reading a book and posting a review. We have a chance to read and share our thoughts in our community. Click HERE to find out about other blogger's perspectives on these chapters and join the discussion! 

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Have We Strayed?

He loved her. 

Beyond reason or logic, he was overwhelmed by her. She was nothing, a harlot, and he went out of his way to prove his love to her. 

He bought her out of her slavery to her pimp. He brought her into a home full of all the amenities a woman could ask for. He provided well for her, and in the beginning, it seemed like it might be okay. They had three kids, and while their marriage was anything but normal, for a moment, it looked like things might work out. 

Until she left. 

Back to prostitution she ran. Whoring and partying were too strong a pull for her. Domestic, safe, and normal were not her speed. She had to be free! 

Still, knowing that she had run into the arms of others, Hosea loved his wife, Gomer. Eventually, after the consequences of her debauchery and sin caught up with her, she returned to her husband. He treated her as if she had never left. Loving her beyond her worth and showering her with blessings. 

The Lesson

The book of Hosea is not a long one. One of the books of prophecy, it is an allegory for the children of Israel, who had left an exclusive relationship with God and whored around with other nations and religions. God was teaching us something too. 

He is faithful and His love never fails. 

In today’s world, is it much different with us? As Christians do we fully commit to a life fully surrendered to God or do we still want our way, and then ask God to “bless” our plans because we have our lives all mapped out? Do not give God your “plans” and ask Him to bless them, give Him your life and He will bless it. The Bible says, God will make your paths straight. 

I know that I have asked my kids that question so many have asked theirs; “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We have pushed our agendas and the world’s standards on our kids and ourselves for too long. Instead of the godly path, we have pushed the Ivy League path, the military path, or the Hollywood path. Instead of being more loyal to God and His precepts we have cried out for freedom. 

We have been Gomer. 

How can we as a people, called individually as God’s children, and collectively as His bride, get back to where we need to be?

The 4 Laws of a Happy Marriage

Want a Happy Marriage? 

Then follow the law...

Like anything else; physics, math, a State or a Nation, there are laws for a marriage. Follow the laws and the marriage will have a long happy life. Break the laws and there are consequences.

Genesis 2: 24-25 says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not shamed. 

LAW 1: LEAVE 

No one wants a mama’s boy. Seriously! Cut the apron strings. If you are place more value and importance on what Mom says, does, or thinks than you do your wife, you are in for a very rocky road. 

We are called to leave mom and dad for a reason. Men, you are called to leave mom and dad because you have to stop being the child and start being a leader. 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23

Woman, you need to let go as well. Your mom is probably an awesome lady, but she does not need to know everything that goes on in your marriage! Your Daddy is a great guy, but you don’t need to let him be the most important man in your life anymore. That should be your spouse. 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

Paul said something that I think is applicable to marriage here. In Philippians he said he forgets what is behind and reaches for what is ahead. Do the same thing in your marriage. 

LAW 2: CLEAVE 

Dictionary.com defines cleave as this: to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually followed by to ). to remain faithful 

This is the law of pursuit. Do not stop trying to chase each other. Just because you’re married does not mean you can give up the chase. Your spouse needs to feel valued, needs to feel special. You need to tell your spouse through your actions that if you had the choice, you would pick her/him again. 

Do things together. Get a hobby or pass time that you both enjoy and make a decision to spend that time together. This is a matter of priorities. 

Also, protect one another here. If you are chasing your spouse, that means they are too busy with you to notice the guy at work chasing her, or the woman at church (yes THAT happens) trying to get close to your man! There are people out there who would swoop in to break you up; not because of some Machiavellian scheme, but because Satan hates marriage and will do anything he can to destroy it! 

LAW 3: BECOME ONE FLESH 

This law has 2 parts: the physical and the spiritual. 

Physically, well, that is the fun part. Sex is good. God created it to be in a marriage with one man, one woman, loving one another in a physical and visceral way. 

There is holiness to it, a joy in it, and it should not be a task, a job, or a chore ladies. This is a fun, explorative, and exciting time that should not be shared with anyone other than your spouse. (The cleave law sneaks back in) 

Now for the spiritual part of this law: 

Spiritually unity is a must in a marriage. The two of you must be on the same page. I have already talked about how Satan wants to destroy the marriage. This is the reason why. When two people are in agreement and God is the focus of their marriage, then there is nothing they cannot withstand. 

Ecclesiastes 4:2 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 

LAW 4: NO SHAME 

More on sex so let me break this down: 

1. There should be only you and your mate in the bed. 

2. There should be no porn in your marriage. 

3. There should only be exalting and exhortation of one another in the bedroom NO UGLY WORDS NEEDED! 

(If you want a frank discourse on what should go on in the marriage bed, I highly recommend The Good Girls Guild to Great Sex by Shelia Wray Gregorie. ) 

Sex is an announcement physically, spiritually, and emotionally, that you belong to one another. Why would you mistreat one another in this intimate time? Why does she have to say dirty words, or why are you calling her a female dog? What is romantic, special or sacred about that? NOTHING! 

Treat your marriage bed with the respect it deserves. It, like the temple in the bible your spouse’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Would you defile the temple of God? Would you shout profanities at the Holy Spirit to make your next few moments more intense? 

1 Corinthians 3:16-17(KJV) Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. 

These laws are God’s design for marriage. Like the law of gravity these laws just are. I did not make them up. Here they are in the bible for all to see. They are there because God designed us to not be alone: we are stronger together. 

Join the Conversation: 

In a wedding ceremony I have heard it read like this: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother” , so I ask you, is your marriage a “cause” worth fighting for?

Marriage Part 1- My Story

Who Am I? 

Randy and I 2008

I am no professional counselor; I have no degrees that make me an expert. I am just a 30 something woman who has been married nearly 18 years. In that time, I have experienced a lot of challenges, many which would have ended most marriages. Yet, our marriage has survived. Why? God: He has healed our marriage because we allowed Him to.

The Truth of the Matter

I guess I better give you a bit of background. I am an adulterer. When my husband and I were married about seven years, I had sex with someone who was not my husband. This nearly destroyed me as a person and created such an emotional backlash, that even before I told my husband the truth, our marriage was so bad Randy left me. I could give you a list of excuses, and some of them were a factor, but I chose to do wrong.

I knew what God said about it, but I had given myself over to the lust of the flesh long before I committed the act of adultery. That is why we must be so careful to guard our hearts. I had let little things, offenses between my husband and me, build up and harden my heart toward him. He had stopped praying over me, shielding me, and loving me like Christ loves the church.  This combination created a vacuum that sucked the life and joy out of our relationship.  We lost our first love, the cement that held us together, and our world fell apart.

The three month separation was one of the hardest things I have ever gone through in my life, and through it all, God was the reason we got back together, and He was the reason we began to heal. Still, through a separation, through a number of years, I did not tell my husband about the adultery. I felt that since I had stopped sinning, I had repented to God; there was no need to tell Randy anything: it would only hurt him. Little did I know that around year twelve, nearly five years later, God would tell me to tell my husband the truth.

Nothing Stays Hidden Forever

I had been at a Discipleship Training Seminar Intensive Weekend, designed and hosted by my then pastor, Cere Muscarella, and a major focus of this DTS was to discover and write my personal mission statement. Simple enough, right? Not by a long shot. I was struggling and was not hearing God at all. Frustration was setting in, and try as I might, the night ran out of class, and I ran into an emotional and spiritual wall.

Sitting in my car, worship music blaring and tears running down my face I wallowed in self-pity. 


Why couldn’t I hear God? 


Why couldn’t I write my personal mission statement? 


Because I had a something God wanted me to address. When I finally got around to asking God what He wanted me to do, (novel idea, right?) the only thing I heard was “Tell him!”

Ummm, What? 

I don’t know if you have ever had this kind of moment with God, but at the time, it was my first response. I played dumb! Questions like, “What do You mean Lord”, and “You know if I tell him and we divorce You have to take care of me, right?” came out of my mouth. I finally relented and obeyed, and what an amazing God I serve!

He is my best friend! Randy and Dayna Bickham 2012

Forgiveness Allows Room for Healing

My husband had long suspected unfaithfulness, but was too afraid to ask. I had wondered about him during the darkest part of those days, and while he fell into some very questionable situations and sexual sin, infidelity was not one of them. I was thrilled when Randy’s affirmation and love washed over me with his words “I love you, and I forgive you.” After that forgiveness was my response to him as well. The spontaneous joy that erupted was so completely healing that the thing Satan intended for evil, God turned to good. We spent that weekend loving one another, and healing and now this is my testimony. I can share this story with you. 

You can see God’s glory for yourself!

The next morning was the last day of the DTS Intensive weekend, and I woke hearing God give me my mission statement. His promises are new every morning! Since then, nearly six years have passed, and I love my husband more every day. My commitment to him has grown, and my trust in my Father has exploded!

There have been other challenges: money issues, health issues, even mental health issues, children issues, mothers-in law issues, (mostly my mom, bless her) but none were as challenging as adultery. 

When I got out of God’s way, when I stopped thinking I knew better, and I listened and obeyed, then God healed us.

So as we go forward in this study on marriage, know I have been there, I have sinned there, and I have been forgiven and healed there. 


You can be too!

Have you faced infidelity in your marriage? How did you handle that? 

God's Kisses

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

I cannot say enough how good my Father is! His mercy and kindness endure forever, and his love toward me is endless. I am in awe of all He is doing in my life, and through this blog. Every time I see a new country listed as visiting this blog, or see my kids surrender a little more to Jesus, I am moved. I call these moments God’s little kisses.

God delights in his children, and in Zephaniah 3:17 it says God even sings over us.  How amazing is that?  His joy is so full when he looks at His children that He sings over us.

When we look at our lives, and I mean really look, we can see God’s blessing and favor all around. For these blessings, we need to be thankful. 

Do you talk to God? 

So let me ask you this: whether it is written or just a running list in your mind, do you have a prayer list? (For more on prayer, read Communicate, Communicate, Communicate!) Prayer is so important. God hears our prayers and this communication with Him is just one way we learn more about God, and what He has for us in our lives.  He also moves on our behalf to answer our prayers.

When our prayers are answered it is God’s love kissing our lives, and assuring us of His love. 

For everything He checks off the list, give thanks. The song “His Love Endures Forever” is playing in my head right now, and just because I love it so much, I will add it to the bottom of this page, so if you don’t know it, take a listen.

Here are a few of the things God has done in my life:

1-      He brought my daughters to Him. They was unsaved, but now are counted among the saints.
2-      He gives me fulfillment and shows me more of my purpose everyday through this blog.
3-      He restored my marriage after my adultery and gave me a testimony of His faithfulness.
4-      He never leaves me alone, even when I try to pull away.
5-      He adds to me every day more understanding of Him and His goodness.

These are just a few of the things that I have to be thankful for. Some were recent; some were years ago, but so BIG that I still give thanks for them.  Can you make a list? Make two: write out your prayer list and then write out your “Kisses” list, one that list all the things God has done. This will build your faith and trust in Him. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing by the word of God, but sometimes in our lives we are like Thomas, and we need to see.

So write out your list, and see how good our Father has been to you. Let God’s kisses remind you that His grace is sufficient. Let His kisses remind you that you are never alone. Be thankful in all things and know that God is faithful in everything. If HE says it, HE will do it!

What is something you are thankful for? 

Confidence Building

OK, I said I would be honest here, and if ever there was a time for that, it is now. I am struggling. I know that there are thousands, if not millions of other blogs out there that have Bible studies. I know there many people better qualified than me to teach, and my resolve and confidence has been shaken. 

As I prayed last night about what to write today, I warred with myself. We do have 2 adversaries in this Spiritual walk with the Lord: the devil, and ourselves. I believe that I was listening way too much to both last night. This is a crisis of faith and to be frank, a lack of trust on my part. So today, I knew when I awoke and began reading that I would have to build my confidence in the Lord, and place my trust in HIM.

The first scripture I searched for was Revelations 12; 10-11a (NLT)

Then I heard a loud voice shouting across the heavens, “It has come at last— salvation and power and the Kingdom of our God, and the authority of his Christ. For the accuser of our brothers and sisters has been thrown down to earth- the one who accuses them before our God day and night. And they have defeated him by the blood of the Lamb and by their testimony.

Our accuser is a liar and if we believe him we believe lies. He has been defeated, and it is by what Jesus did (by the blood of the Lamb). But I want to talk about our part in his defeat. Since he is a liar, we often allow his deceptions to grab our attention and that is when we lose faith, and trust in God. So how do we overcome him and his lies? BY OUR TESTIMONY! Remembering, and speaking out loud the things God has already done for us. Ok, at this point I am already excited. As one of my friends would say, ‘I am geeking out’ right now. I want to shout, because this gives me confidence.

I was raised in church, but that does not mean I always lived like I should have. In fact, a large portion of my life, both part of my childhood and part of my adult life, was spent running from God and believing I knew better. O how wrong I was. I was a liar. I was an adulteress, I was lost. BUT Jesus! He saved me, my marriage, and my family. He has healed me of my broken heart, and He is continually healing my broken ways of thinking. 

This is just part of my testimony. I remember what He has done for me and I actively attack the accuser with the truth. I am the head and not the tail. (Deuteronomy 28:13) God’s breath of life in me makes me intelligent. (Job 32:8) And God uses the foolish things of the world (like another blog from a girl with no bible degree) to confound the wise. (1 Corinthians 1:27)


God has changed so much in me. I can have confidence that His word will accomplish all He set it out to do. (Isaiah 55:11) I know that He has made me into an honest, tell-it-like-it-is person. I know that He has caused me to walk faithfully through my marriage after both He and my husband forgave me. I know that He will use these things in my life to touch others.

Job 4:6. Doesn’t your reverence for God give you confidence? Doesn’t your life of integrity give you hope?

Real confidence is not the worldly self-confidence they jam down our throats since grade school. Real confidence is in our faith and reverence, our TRUST, in God. He knows why He gave me this idea, and I have confidence that so long as I am faithful it will do what He meant it for. Be blessed and be a blessing. 

Remember that trust is an action verb.