The (in)Significant Other- Part 5 in the Prioritize Your Life Series

So somewhere in your list of priorities may or may not be your spouse. 

Biblically spouses should rank pretty high on the list. 

This is not always the case and that has lead to unhappy marriages, disenfranchised children and even divorce. 

As Christians we should have a leg up on the secular world when it comes to marriage, but some how we look the exact same. 

I believe it is because there is a fundamental lack of understanding of what a Godly marriage looks like and where our spouses should rank as priorities. 

Ephesians 5:21-31says: 

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." 

 There is so much to cover on this topic, but I want to concentrate on just a few things for this series. 

Mutual Submission

So many people read this passage and concentrate only on the "wives submit to your husbands" part. That is important, but do not forget the verse before it. 

"Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear (respectful submission) of the Lord." 

The man is the head in all things spiritual, and the wife should submit to his lead and guidance. (When the husband is unsaved and the wife is, the woman should submit in all other areas with Christ as her spiritual head until her husband is won for Christ and matured in his faith.)

But the responsibility of the man is so much higher than that of the woman. He is called to love his wife like Christ loves the church. 

What does that look like? 

• Christ laid down his life for the church. 
• Christ prays for the church
• Christ provides for the church

Body Check

Have you ever seen a person who bathed every part of their body except for their arm? Or only eat every other day? 

No? Why not? 

Because bathing everything but an arm would  not make sense would it? Eating every other day would lead to malnutrition. 

In  marriage we are one before God. In the passage above Paul says  "

men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it"

When we place a priority on our spouses we let them know that first they are important and secondly they are worth our focus. 


Ignoring our spouses can lead to relational malnutrition and eventually to relationship starvation. 

The Check List

For every couple this may be a little different, but generally there are three areas that need to be healthy to maintain a fruitful and loving relationship. These may not be in the order you prefer, but then again this is about priorities, so feel free to prioritize them for yourself. 

1. Time. Spend time with one another. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes it easier for the heart to wander. Go on dates. Close yourself off in a room on a Saturday morning and just enjoy laughing together. Rent a $1 movie from one of those machines on a Tuesday and snuggle up after the kids are down and have some popcorn. Time together is crucial. 
2. Communication. Talk about  more than the bills, or what happened at work. Talk about dreams, talk about Jesus, talk about your mutual priorities and then support one another in those things. Most importantly, pray together and pray for one another! 
3. Sex. Give to one another generously. Honor each other with your bodies. Keep your body JUST FOR YOUR SPOUSE and remember that God made sex to bond us together in love and respect. Sex that denigrates should not have a place in a Godly marriage. 

Paying attention to these things (placing a priority means focusing on something and then following through with actions) will help you  relationship thrive. 


The significance we place on one another is so important. Do not make your spouse feel less than because you forgot to make them a priority in your life. They deserve more than being relegated to the (in)Significant other. 


How do you make your spouse feel special? 

Have We Strayed?

He loved her. 

Beyond reason or logic, he was overwhelmed by her. She was nothing, a harlot, and he went out of his way to prove his love to her. 

He bought her out of her slavery to her pimp. He brought her into a home full of all the amenities a woman could ask for. He provided well for her, and in the beginning, it seemed like it might be okay. They had three kids, and while their marriage was anything but normal, for a moment, it looked like things might work out. 

Until she left. 

Back to prostitution she ran. Whoring and partying were too strong a pull for her. Domestic, safe, and normal were not her speed. She had to be free! 

Still, knowing that she had run into the arms of others, Hosea loved his wife, Gomer. Eventually, after the consequences of her debauchery and sin caught up with her, she returned to her husband. He treated her as if she had never left. Loving her beyond her worth and showering her with blessings. 

The Lesson

The book of Hosea is not a long one. One of the books of prophecy, it is an allegory for the children of Israel, who had left an exclusive relationship with God and whored around with other nations and religions. God was teaching us something too. 

He is faithful and His love never fails. 

In today’s world, is it much different with us? As Christians do we fully commit to a life fully surrendered to God or do we still want our way, and then ask God to “bless” our plans because we have our lives all mapped out? Do not give God your “plans” and ask Him to bless them, give Him your life and He will bless it. The Bible says, God will make your paths straight. 

I know that I have asked my kids that question so many have asked theirs; “what do you want to be when you grow up?” We have pushed our agendas and the world’s standards on our kids and ourselves for too long. Instead of the godly path, we have pushed the Ivy League path, the military path, or the Hollywood path. Instead of being more loyal to God and His precepts we have cried out for freedom. 

We have been Gomer. 

How can we as a people, called individually as God’s children, and collectively as His bride, get back to where we need to be?

Spiritual Growth Means Obedience- Obedience Means Effectiveness

The Way Things Are: 

When we are thankful we are humble, and when we are humble, we are usable. I don’t know about you but I want to be usable. But there is a last step in there, and it strikes to the heart of our effectiveness in the body of Christ: obedience.

Obedience is More Than You Think 

There are two parts to obedience. First there is submission. That word has a negative connotation in the world that means weak, loser, oppressed. When in fact it is much more freeing than that: it means you yield to someone else’s opinion, plan, or authority – you trust.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not unto your own understanding. 

We don’t get the big picture all the time. We can’t see the future, or what may be around the corner, but God can. Trusting Him means submitting to him our decision making process. 

What job to take, what person to date, what school to attend, where to move, even what car to buy, these things all should be submitted under God’s authority.

Where do we Start? With God's Will. 

God’s will for our lives is governed by His nature and character. How do we find out more about the very nature of God? We search in His word. John 1:1 says “In the beginning was the word, and the word was with God and the word was God.”

There are some things about our lives that should be pretty obvious. 

We shouldn’t murder, because murdering goes against the very nature and character of God. 

But the more personal decisions are the more difficult ones, because they take a very special level of self-discipline and submission. What school should I attend? I can’t find anything about Yale versus Harvard in the Bible. What job should I take? Is the one that pays the most money always the right choice? Serve God not mammon, right?

This is where we need an intimate relationship with God, one that makes His word alive and spark in us when we read it. 

A relationship that gives a personal revelation that becomes our daily bread.  This is called rhema (Strong’s 4487) in the Greek. It means the “living word” and it comes from a root word that means pouring forth. Once we have a personal relationship, personal revelation follows and submission becomes our first nature, not a second nature.

Here Comes the Other Shoe...

The second part of obedience is the actual act of obeying. When God gives us direction it is important we act on that and move. When God dropped the idea of this blog into my spirit, I began to act on it immediately. It is an act of obedience to study, write and pray every day, however, it is not an easy thing. I am being tested and stretched unlike I ever have before and that I know it is part of God’s intent. He wants me to grow, to stretch, and his word says he watches over what he speaks to make sure it gets done.

The doing is sometimes the hard part, but it proves what is in your heart. 

Love God? Then feed his sheep.

Obedience Has Benefits 

One more point; obeying is always the better option. I remember telling my children something along the lines of ‘obey now and there will be less pain later’. I did not just mean obey and you won’t get spanked later, I meant obey now, and you will not have to sacrifice later. Obey now, blessings later. Obey now, favor later. Obey now, fruit later.

I will close with this story. I was 19 years old, working in a local fast food place when a very cute guy, probably only two or three years older than me walked in and ordered. I was cleaning up in the dining room when I felt like God told me to give that guy the money I had in my pocket. It was only five dollars, but living on my own, eating ramen noodles to survive, it was a lot! Plus, did I mention he was cute? 

But it wasn’t just giving him $5; I also needed to tell him something, a word that seemed kind of personal. O the agony of the conversation I had with myself and with God as I warred with obedience. I did obey. I waited until the last minute and followed him to the door and said ‘God told me to give this to you, that he loves you and for you to stop trying on your own and give up already.’ Now I don’t know what the last part of that was about, but the look on his face told me it hit the mark for him. I know that my obedience was not just for my benefit, but for someone else’s too.

Having a relationship with God is not always easy. I have said this before, and it bears repeating. 

God is the perfect one and we have to do all the changing to keep the relationship new, fresh, and growing. If it isn't work, it isn't working.

There is an old hymn that says “trust (submit) and obey there is no other way to be happy in Jesus, but to trust and obey”. How true. I want to be happy in Jesus, how about you?

Be blessed and be a blessing and remember that obey is an action verb!

Has God ever told you to do something like give money away to a perfect stranger? Tell us your story below! Add your comment now.