The (in)Significant Other- Part 5 in the Prioritize Your Life Series

So somewhere in your list of priorities may or may not be your spouse. 

Biblically spouses should rank pretty high on the list. 

This is not always the case and that has lead to unhappy marriages, disenfranchised children and even divorce. 

As Christians we should have a leg up on the secular world when it comes to marriage, but some how we look the exact same. 

I believe it is because there is a fundamental lack of understanding of what a Godly marriage looks like and where our spouses should rank as priorities. 

Ephesians 5:21-31says: 

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." 

 There is so much to cover on this topic, but I want to concentrate on just a few things for this series. 

Mutual Submission

So many people read this passage and concentrate only on the "wives submit to your husbands" part. That is important, but do not forget the verse before it. 

"Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear (respectful submission) of the Lord." 

The man is the head in all things spiritual, and the wife should submit to his lead and guidance. (When the husband is unsaved and the wife is, the woman should submit in all other areas with Christ as her spiritual head until her husband is won for Christ and matured in his faith.)

But the responsibility of the man is so much higher than that of the woman. He is called to love his wife like Christ loves the church. 

What does that look like? 

• Christ laid down his life for the church. 
• Christ prays for the church
• Christ provides for the church

Body Check

Have you ever seen a person who bathed every part of their body except for their arm? Or only eat every other day? 

No? Why not? 

Because bathing everything but an arm would  not make sense would it? Eating every other day would lead to malnutrition. 

In  marriage we are one before God. In the passage above Paul says  "

men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it"

When we place a priority on our spouses we let them know that first they are important and secondly they are worth our focus. 


Ignoring our spouses can lead to relational malnutrition and eventually to relationship starvation. 

The Check List

For every couple this may be a little different, but generally there are three areas that need to be healthy to maintain a fruitful and loving relationship. These may not be in the order you prefer, but then again this is about priorities, so feel free to prioritize them for yourself. 

1. Time. Spend time with one another. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes it easier for the heart to wander. Go on dates. Close yourself off in a room on a Saturday morning and just enjoy laughing together. Rent a $1 movie from one of those machines on a Tuesday and snuggle up after the kids are down and have some popcorn. Time together is crucial. 
2. Communication. Talk about  more than the bills, or what happened at work. Talk about dreams, talk about Jesus, talk about your mutual priorities and then support one another in those things. Most importantly, pray together and pray for one another! 
3. Sex. Give to one another generously. Honor each other with your bodies. Keep your body JUST FOR YOUR SPOUSE and remember that God made sex to bond us together in love and respect. Sex that denigrates should not have a place in a Godly marriage. 

Paying attention to these things (placing a priority means focusing on something and then following through with actions) will help you  relationship thrive. 


The significance we place on one another is so important. Do not make your spouse feel less than because you forgot to make them a priority in your life. They deserve more than being relegated to the (in)Significant other. 


How do you make your spouse feel special? 

Wife with a Knife or Wife for Life? The 3 things a wife needs to do to help her mate.

Becoming the wife you want to be may not be as hard as you think: becoming the wife your husband needs may require some more work. 

We are supposed to be our spouse’s helpmate. But this isn’t about helping him find his socks, helping him remember to pack a toothbrush, and it is definitely not about helping him with driving directions. GPS can handle that. This is about helping him hold his spiritual ground. 

Listen, with all the things God has for you as a couple (and your lives should work to some extent as a unit because in God’s plan you are now “One”) - the wife should serve her husband in three ways in order to help him be the spiritual leader of the house. 

The first way to serve your husband is prayer. 

As wives we need to be lifting that man up. He needs prayers for everything from “Lord, let him burp less” to “Lord, protect him from the snares of the devil.”

I cannot stress this enough. Prayer girds us up. (Gird is a weird word I know, but like a good “girdle", it is sometime necessary.) Prayer builds a wall of protection and empowers us to perform the work we are called to. 

Is your husband’s confidence shaken? Pray. Are there big decisions coming? Pray. Want to protect his heart and body from falling into temptation? Pray. Prayer based in the word, full of truth and trust in the Lord is what the bible calls fervent and effectual prayer. 

The second way a wife should serve her husband is by her actions. 

No, this one isn't about sex, though sex is important, that is another post for another day. This is about agreement.

Unity is essential to a spiritually fruitful house. As the leader of the home, your husband needs your support. This in all honestly, is probably the most difficult one for me. I am strong minded, and love a good argument. Blame it on my upbringing, my stubborn nature, or whatever; I do not like to give in. I think God calls this being “stiff necked”. 

But giving in and giving up are two different things.

When my husband and I disagree about how to handle something, he is the ultimate decision maker. That is his place. It does not mean my opinion is not heard, it means that once he has chosen the path we take, the action we do, then I shut up and take that path or perform that action. Unity is in the doing, not the saying. 

My kids have seen this first hand. My kids may not like it, but they know that if Daddy has said no, so does Mom. They can pick up fairly easily on whether or not I agree with Daddy, but they know that agreeing or disagreeing doesn't matter.

What dad said is what mom says. What dad does is what mom does. Jesus said a house divided cannot stand, and that is so true. Get on the same page with your husband. 

The third thing is this: allow God to be God.

Emasculating our spouse is never a good thing. He bears the burden and the risk for the family and when you take that from him by becoming the decision maker or by telling him how things are going to be, then you are never going to be satisfied in your marriage.

This is why we get told, “You cannot fix a man”. It is not that a man cannot change, he can, the gospel says so, no: you cannot fix a man because it is not your job to do so.

 When a man is in his place as head of the house, actively loving, not lording over, the family, then you will have a fulfilling and satisfying partnership for life. 

When your husband has made a mistake, and he will because he is human; let God and circumstances teach him, not you. You will turn into a nag and rob your husband of his personal and spiritual growth if you “correct” him or tell him “I told you so”. 

Look, as I write this I am preaching to myself, believe me. I have to be reminded of these things all of the time, but when I keep them in the forefront of our marriage, I see God’s blessings. I see my husband having to seek God for himself, and the fruit that grows out of that, our whole family gets to enjoy. 

Don’t be a wife with a knife, cutting off God’s blessings before they are fully formed, be a wife for life and actively support your husband with prayer, in agreement and unity, and allow God to do the guiding, not you. These three things will make you the wife you should be and make you husband stronger along the way!