"Follow Your Heart" is a LIE

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ZZZzzzz...

The alarm went off for twenty minutes this morning before I heard it. I hit snooze. For an hour, every nine minutes that alarm went off. Ever nine minutes I hit snooze once more. 

I was tired. Still am, but I have lots to do. I have spent the last two hours catching up on morning chores and now, I am at least three hours behind my day. 

This morning I was a serial snoozer. This is a dangerous thing to be. 

But isn't that just human nature? To put off all the things we know we need to do, just for a few more minutes of something else? A few more minutes of fun, of sleep. or of peace? 

But we don't just apply this habit to our sleeping patterns, or at least I don't. No, I run the risk of applying it to my spiritual life too. All too often I hear God telling me to do something about an attitude or a habit. My response is too often a lazy one. I hit the spiritual snooze button. 

I know I have to eventually get to it, but I do not want to deal with the pain of doing it right now. And sometimes there is pain when we obey. 

Me versus God

The truth is no one likes the process of self-discipline, but the concept is even more strenuous when you add in God's discipline. I want to get up at eight, which is hard enough for me at times. God wants me up at five. I want to have a second portion of dinner (hey, I am a great cook!) and God wants me to cut the first portion in half. These may seem like self-discipline issues, but they are really heart issues.

"Heart Issues" is a phrase I used to hate to hear. It sounded so judgmental coming from pastors and teachers, but in reality, if we are ill in our physical body, don't we want to know what the root problem is? Wouldn't we want to fix that? 

So I have to apply the same logic to my spiritual life. I have to go to the "heart" of my issues. I have to deal with my disobedience and rebellion. 

That is what it is and it isn't easy or pretty to say. Like an alcoholic in an AA meeting I feel like I should stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Dayna, and I have a rebellion problem." 

The battle of self-will versus God's will has been going on since Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, but I somehow isolate myself and think it is just a "Dayna" thing. This rebellion may manifest itself in small ways, but with big and sometimes dire consequences. 

After all, I did not just wake up one day overweight battling health problems because I hit a snooze once or had a second helping a few times. No, I ended up this way because I served myself for years instead of serving God. 

I am in Recovery (TWEET THAT)

The remedy is not easy. When I perfect it, I will let you know. Until then, I will stay on my face repenting, trying again, and choosing to let God lead me. Recovering the life He means me to have, not the one I buildt for myself. 

I want the stuff that will last: treasure that remains. Burn off the dross and let my life be made to be a perfect reflection of You Lord. 

"A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things." Matthew 12:35 KJV

Father, hear my cry. My heart is wicked and it always chooses itself. "Follow your heart" is a lie I have believed for too long, and I know that there is no one and nothing I should follow more than you. Forgive me for being stiff necked and insisting on doing things my way. Help me to be obedient the first time you tell me something. Help me to abandon myself and lean into you with all I am. I choose you over my own desires. You are worth it all. In Jesus name. Let it be. 

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