Prayer: A Conversation With God

God waits for us to seek Him. Photo Credit: Unknown 

I am Forgetful

There are times when I forget. 

I get busy doing all the things I think I should be doing and for hours, sometimes days I do not talk to my Lord. 

This is no way to have a relationship, not a good one anyway. 

If I were to treat my husband or kids like that, giving the silent treatment for hours or days on end then my relationships would begin to suffer. I know this. I pay attention to the people in my life, but why is it I fail to pay attention to my Father? Instead of acting like a beloved daughter, I wander around like a homeless orphan. 

I am Not Alone

The children of Israel had been brought out of Egypt. They were free of the tyranny of enslavement. Led by a cloud in the day and a pillar of fire by night, they followed the Lord's leading. They saw the spirit of God descend Mt. Sinai like a fire and a billow of smoke. They heard God's voice like thunder. They were in awe. 

Then Moses ascended the mountain and left the people below. For forty days and forty nights Moses dwelt in the presence of God at the top of the mountain. Below, the children of Israel heard only the sound of thunder. They began to forget it was God's voice and soon ignored it all together. They approached Aaron and asked for an idol to worship. Why? 

In the absence of fellowship we revert to spiritual enslavement and false idols. TWEET THAT

The Before and After

Before Jesus, we were lost in darkness. We wander around like blind men, groping for some stability. We look for salvation but only see darkness. We wait for a sudden illumination, but there is nothing.(Isaiah 59:9-10)  Then salvation comes. 

God saw our need for a Savior. He saw our desperation. His heart was moved with passion and zeal to show His great love for us. So He sent Jesus - His right arm. 

"He saw that there was no man, and wondered that there was no intercessor;

Therefore His own arm brought salvation for Him; and His own righteousness, it sustained Him." Isaiah 59:16 

The word "wondered" in Hebrew means to be made desolate, appalled, stunned, ravaged, stupefied, or deflowered. God saw there was no champion (ish in Hebrew - Strongs 0376) and it raped His heart. (yes- I said raped) He was made desolate at the thought His creation would never be able to have full fellowship with Him because of their sin.  Mankind needed an intercessor. 

That word "intercessor" can be translated in the Hebrew (Strongs 06293) to mean "to cause light to shine on" or "to reach the mark". God's right arm (Jesus) was sent to save us. To make a way where there was no way before. A sacrifice for all mankind, to take away the sins of the world. The word "Salvation" in this passage is pronounced "yaw-shah" which reminds me of the name "Yeshua" (ye-shew-ah) or Jesus. 

By providing a way for us to come to Him freely, God revived himself after feeling such loss. That is what it means when it says "it sustained Him". (Strongs 05564) 

Before Jesus we were lost, in the dark, groping like blind men. After Jesus we have a way to approach our Father boldly, with confidence that He loves us and has made us His righteousness through Christ. Now we have relationship. Now we can have fellowship. 

Fellowship is Key

God dwelt among us in the flesh. He walked in the midst of people. Jesus, fully God and fully man, laid down His life so that we could have fellowship with God. Then, Jesus returned to heaven, so He could give us the Spirit of God. The kingdom of God, alive and living in our very hearts. This is the mystery Paul spoke of. The God of the Universe dwelling in the hearts of man. 

God would not have gone through so much trouble if the reward was not great. Fellowship with us is that reward. His heart longs for our heart. Like a long lost lover longs for his beloved, God longs for us to be in fellowship with Him. 

So when I forget to talk to Him, I hurt the very heart of God. 

Prayer

Prayer is simply talking with God. A conversation. Fellowship. It is not a magical formula: if you mix equal parts thanksgiving with equal parts supplication then you get double parts blessing. (Blah)  We do not serve God for what we can get from God. 

We serve God because He is Holy and deserves our service. The paradox of God is this: as we make it more about HIM, He makes it more about us. He shows His love to us over and over and begins to shower us with blessings, not because we hit the magic formula, but out of His love and outpouring of relationship with us He gives to us. 

Prayer is talking. Prayer is asking. Prayer is worship. Prayer is fellowship. We have access to God by what He provided in Jesus, but we must approach the Father and talk with Him to begin to know Him, and like any conversation, prayer is a two way street. 

"My sheep hear my voice, and I know them, and they follow me" John 10:27

You would not know your best friend or your spouse if you had never talked to them. God demands the same and more in order to know Him and to walk in fellowship with Him. It all starts with a conversation. 

He deserves more than my hard heart and cold shoulder. 

Forgive me Lord. Forgive my hard heart and my weak mind. Help me set my eyes on you and not be distracted by the things of this world that threaten to consume me. Instead, let me be consumed by You, like Mount Sinai was consumed. Like a fire and a billow of smoke, let me rest and dwell in Your presence. 

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Do you find praying difficult? Why or why not? 

"Follow Your Heart" is a LIE

Photo Credit: Unknown 

ZZZzzzz...

The alarm went off for twenty minutes this morning before I heard it. I hit snooze. For an hour, every nine minutes that alarm went off. Ever nine minutes I hit snooze once more. 

I was tired. Still am, but I have lots to do. I have spent the last two hours catching up on morning chores and now, I am at least three hours behind my day. 

This morning I was a serial snoozer. This is a dangerous thing to be. 

But isn't that just human nature? To put off all the things we know we need to do, just for a few more minutes of something else? A few more minutes of fun, of sleep. or of peace? 

But we don't just apply this habit to our sleeping patterns, or at least I don't. No, I run the risk of applying it to my spiritual life too. All too often I hear God telling me to do something about an attitude or a habit. My response is too often a lazy one. I hit the spiritual snooze button. 

I know I have to eventually get to it, but I do not want to deal with the pain of doing it right now. And sometimes there is pain when we obey. 

Me versus God

The truth is no one likes the process of self-discipline, but the concept is even more strenuous when you add in God's discipline. I want to get up at eight, which is hard enough for me at times. God wants me up at five. I want to have a second portion of dinner (hey, I am a great cook!) and God wants me to cut the first portion in half. These may seem like self-discipline issues, but they are really heart issues.

"Heart Issues" is a phrase I used to hate to hear. It sounded so judgmental coming from pastors and teachers, but in reality, if we are ill in our physical body, don't we want to know what the root problem is? Wouldn't we want to fix that? 

So I have to apply the same logic to my spiritual life. I have to go to the "heart" of my issues. I have to deal with my disobedience and rebellion. 

That is what it is and it isn't easy or pretty to say. Like an alcoholic in an AA meeting I feel like I should stand up and say, "Hi, my name is Dayna, and I have a rebellion problem." 

The battle of self-will versus God's will has been going on since Adam and Eve sinned in the garden, but I somehow isolate myself and think it is just a "Dayna" thing. This rebellion may manifest itself in small ways, but with big and sometimes dire consequences. 

After all, I did not just wake up one day overweight battling health problems because I hit a snooze once or had a second helping a few times. No, I ended up this way because I served myself for years instead of serving God. 

I am in Recovery (TWEET THAT)

The remedy is not easy. When I perfect it, I will let you know. Until then, I will stay on my face repenting, trying again, and choosing to let God lead me. Recovering the life He means me to have, not the one I buildt for myself. 

I want the stuff that will last: treasure that remains. Burn off the dross and let my life be made to be a perfect reflection of You Lord. 

"A good man out of the good treasure of the heart bringeth forth good things: and an evil man out of the evil treasure bringeth forth evil things." Matthew 12:35 KJV

Father, hear my cry. My heart is wicked and it always chooses itself. "Follow your heart" is a lie I have believed for too long, and I know that there is no one and nothing I should follow more than you. Forgive me for being stiff necked and insisting on doing things my way. Help me to be obedient the first time you tell me something. Help me to abandon myself and lean into you with all I am. I choose you over my own desires. You are worth it all. In Jesus name. Let it be. 

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Do you have a bad habit God is leading you to break? 

Writing the Next Chapter

Photo Credit:Unknown 

Self-Discovery 101

On my recent mission trip to Guatemala I learned so much about myself. I learned I could walk farther than I thought possible. I learned that sweat, though stinky, can smell like a sweet perfume if it is made in service to the King. 

I also learned that I am able to do what He has called me to do. 

The Rub

Sometimes we know what our purpose is, what our call is, but we do not walk in it. This leads to dissatisfaction and overall unhappiness with life, and sometimes with our relationship with God. At least, I know I have felt this way. 

You see, I knew I was called to "preach beyond the hills" (a personal word I received when I was just sixteen). I knew I wanted to be a missionary since I was about 19, but I thought I had either "missed it" or God had changed His mind about using me since then. After all, a lot had changed for me. 

I got married. I had kids. I had an affair. I did not have a completed degree. I was "just" a blogger. I am overweight. The list goes on.... Jon Acuff says in his best-selling book Quitter "sometimes living your dream is an act of recovery more than of discovery." (sic) 

These things are only part of my story. Not the whole of who I am., or who I was created and called to be. Yet, I let them stand in the way of doing everything God has called me to. 

I am a writer. I know the work there is basically this: butt in chair and type away. This is doing the work of a writer, I am a mother, I know the work there is multifaceted and includes being a chef, taxi service, disciplinarian, loving listener, quality time maker and so much more. I am a wife. I know the work there is being a confidant, a lover, a friend, a cheerleader, a shoulder, etc. 

I walk and function in all of these callings on my life, but neglected the call I heard as a kid.

Sometimes we disqualify ourselves before the game has truly begun. TWEET THAT

The Truth

The truth is I am called. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me so. I am usable, because Romans 8:28 says that God can use anything and everything, even the bad stuff, to bring Himself the glory through us. Ephesians 2:10 says I am His masterpiece called to do good works. Isaiah 55 says God is in covenant with me, and the nations are given unto me. This is the Word of God breathing life into me, and the voice of my Father leading me. 

"And that same Christ gave these gifts to people: He made some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to go and tell the Good News, and some to care for and teach God’s people. Christ gave these gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger.This work must continue until we are all joined together in what we believe and in what we know about the Son of God. Our goal is to become like a full-grown man—to look just like Christ and have all his perfection" Ephesians 4:11-13 

Jeff Goins in his book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life says this: 

"What we have to learn to do is lean into the things that hold is back, to move through the pain and push forward." 

I felt held back, I felt bad about myself, and I felt justified in my excuses.  I was my problem, not any thing else. So when I felt prompted to take a step unlike any other I have ever taken in my life, I knew that I could no longer be held back. I am called to missions and I will serve where I am called. 

I could not stand on the sidelines letting life and my call pass me by any longer. I want what ever mantle God trusts me with and that means I must obey. 

After all, God is the author and finisher of our faith and He is starting the next chapter for me. I want to be on the same page with Him. 

The Next Step

The next step for me was applying as a leader candidate at Adventures in Missions. This group is the one that lead the Wrecked Vision Team to Guatemala. It is doing some amazing work. I have been interviewed and invited to attend candidate training camp in April 2013. I will travel to Georgia and see what God is preparing me for. 

This is a scary, yet beautifully exciting thing for me. 

I cannot do it alone. Here are four ways you can help: 

• Pray for me - as I embark on this great new leg of my journey. 
• Support me - going and doing does cost money. Even Jesus had a ministry account. 
• Like My Page - I have a page on Facebook just for all things missions related. There you can get updates and share encouraging messages.
• Subscribe - to this blog. Updates and stories will come here first and foremost.  

Thank you for all you do to advance the kingdom of God and for me. You are a great group of readers and I would not trade you for anything. 

Join the Conversation: 

What is next for you? 

The Value of an Apology

"Humility" by Will Felix 

I Hate Apologizing 

Even when I know I was wrong, and an apology should be offered, my body has a visceral reaction to the act of  saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me".

My pulse quickens. My face flushes. My palms sweat. My stomach ties up in knots.

It is not a pretty sight.

Recently I said something in jest.

It was not an offensive thing, and it was not a harsh thing. Most days, I would laugh at my wit and move on. Yet, this time I couldn't. This time my Dad was telling me to apologize.

You see, words have power. They hang in the air and in people's minds when they think of you. I have a tendency to think I am funny. God was reminding me that sometimes (most times) my thinkin' is stinkin'!

So I had to write an apology email. One to my pastor and one to my mentor, both of whom were present when I made my little quip. It does not matter if I get a response. It does not matter if they forgive me. What does matter is I obeyed my Father, and secondly, I learned a small bit of humility.

Why We Hate to Say "I'm Sorry" 

The short answer is pride. 

Who really wants to be told they are wrong, much less admit it voluntarily? Not anyone I have ever met. 

We will miss the mark, make a mistake or just be plain wrong sometimes: this is part of what it means to be human. So, humility brings our pride down a  notch and lets us be vulnerable in the moment. It may not feel good, but there are benefits. 

We Get it Wrong - Again 

We confuse humility with humiliation. One is a good and Godly quality to have, and one is embarrassing and shameful. If we humble ourselves then humiliation never comes. It is only when we are continuously prideful that humiliation comes. 

God's word says "Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor." Proverbs 29:23 

I do not know about you, but I think a heartfelt and quick apology (as much as I hate to do so) is better than being called to the carpet later about the same thing you could have apologized for in the first place.

Better to be humble now than humiliated later. TWEET THAT

The Benefits of Getting it Right

There are three key benefits to humility (or meekness). People who are humble: 

• live happier lives. (Psalms 22:26, Read about it in TIME Magazine Online) 
• are honored. (Luke 14:11) 
• live longer lives. (Proverbs 22:4) 

People who are humble make better bosses and employees. People who are humble divorce less, and live longer. People who are humble are kinder than other people and give more selflessly. 

These are all amazing things to have in life. But if we seek humility for the things humility can get us later, we are missing the point. Living as a more humble person allows us to be pliable before God. 

God longs to mold us into His image. 

Humility puts us in the position we need to be, bowed before our Father, as He chisels out the rough places and sculpts us into the work of art He designed us to be from the very beginning. 

Join the Conversation

Do you find it easy or difficult to apologize? 

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The Scandal of Grace

"Dennis the Menace" Copyright: CBS TV 1959

There is Always One Kid

Yesterday I ran into a young person that hangs out with one of my girls. I am not fond of the kid, and he and my daughter know it. He has not shown much respect for my daughter or me, but she still remains friends with him, so I am left with conflicting emotions about him.

When I saw him, I do not believe he saw me. I could have ignored him and said nothing. I could have looked at him with a withering "MOM look". 

Instead I said hi and ended up having a five minute conversation with him. I was polite, even friendly, and I thought the whole experience went well. 

When my daughter found out, she first of all wanted to know all about it. When I was done telling her, she said, "I thought you hated him, why would you talk to him?" and my heart broke a little. 

The Old Me...

The old me would have sent him an ugly look, and a snarled Elvis-like lip curling snarl. But the new me, the one Jesus has been making from the inside out for the last 13 months, just saw a kid that needed to know what love looks like. 

I am no saint. I cringed inside. What mom wants her child to have friends that pull her away from God? Not this mom. But I cannot deny that Christ died for all, even the kid I do not like. God loves us, even the one that makes your blood boil. 

We All Have The List

There is a list of people in our heads. We may not even know we have the "list", but we do. It is filled with names of people like Hitler, Dahmer, Bundy, and Gacy. Horrible men who defied God and man. These men killed at will and perpetrated some of the most horrible crimes known to man.

In addition to these kinds of men, our list may include the crazy sister-in-law that makes everyone miserable, or the parent who treated us badly, or the ex husband or the kid in the neighborhood you don't like, but the list is there. It is filled with people we do not like and we have a hard time applying grace or mercy to. In fact, if you had to imagine a Hitler that was radically saved and on fire for Jesus, would you have a hard time accepting that? I would. I do. 

This is just an exercise to prove a point. Grace is scandalous. God forgives and loves beyond our ability. 

The people we do not like, God loves. We are called to love. Not just to put on a form of godliness, but to love beyond our dislike and beyond our emotions. 

The Scandal of Grace 

I cannot imagine being a Christian in Saul of Tarsus's time. He was on a hunt. Christians were radicals, they were dangerous. They flouted and espoused grace and love, and ignored the law. This was who Saul was hunting on the day he traveled to Damascus. He meant to imprison, and to kill these people. He meant to uphold all he was taught. 

God had different plans. 

Can you imagine being Ananias? Can you imagine the faith and trust it took to see what God was doing in a man like Saul? 

This is the scandal of grace. Knowing that people like Hitler and Saul deserve one thing, but can have another. There is a gift, freely given by God, that can change everything...forgiveness. love, mercy, all wrapped up in one name: Jesus. 

So how do we proceed from here? How do we reconcile what we feel would be just, with what God's grace can do? 

I don't have all the answers. I just know, that if God can love me: a sinner, an adulteress, a liar, a hatemonger, then He can love anyone. He can do anything! That is the scandal of grace. 

Join the Conversation

Have you ever struggled with showing someone grace? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below. 

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If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

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A Special Note: 

Hillsong United has a new album. "The Scandal of Grace" is a new song on that album. Download it here. 

What it All Boils Down To: Obedience

A Kiss From God

Sometimes there are moments so special, so amazing, they take your breath away. Sometimes those moments are share-able and sometimes they are just love notes from God. A way to show He cares, He sees, He approves of and loves you. 

I had one of those moments yesterday. A love note, wrapped in an email, from someone I have never met. Her name is Sabrina. She had a dream of a Barbie that looked fine in the box, but was in a state of brokenness. The dream made such an impression, she knew God was trying to show her something. So, when she awoke, she googled "my brokenness" and discovered my blog, complete with Barbie and a title about brokenness.... 

Then she discovered my book, and got that too. 

This isn't about another book sale. This isn't about another blog subscriber. This isn't even about me.

This is about God's faithfulness to His kids. 

Taste and See

 "O taste and see that the Lord is good: blessed is the man that trust in him." Psalms 34:8 

In the desert God supplied the Children of Israel with manna from heaven. This met their basic need for food. It was a sign of God's love and faithfulness to His children. The Bible is full of stories of God's love and provision. 

Here is another one about a woman named Ruth. She was a widow, not even a Jew, and she left all she knew to serve her aging mother-in-law and accompany her back home. She was lonely, poor, and practically homeless. Yet, for Ruth, God provided favor and blessings and a second husband. Through this provision- generations and generations later - God supplied the earthly  lineage of Jesus. Jesus was a gift for all people. Freely given, and the perfect sign of God's love for us.  

I guess what I am getting at is this. We think God's provision is just about us. Sometimes it is.Sometimes it is about meeting a need, like hunger. The manna in the desert met that need. Sometimes, and probably more often than we know, it is about setting us up for provision so we can in turn, be a conduit for God to provide something for someone else.

It's not about us! 

This is the Lord's faithfulness in action. He set up a blog a little over a year ago, in an unknown corner of the world WIDE web and one of the things it did was meet a need for a woman in San Antonio named Sabrina. Did that have anything to do with me? Yes and no. 

The Power of Obedience

Yes, it had something to do with me. It is after all my blog and my book, but that is where things get tricky. It doesn't have anything to do with my talent, or my ability. For without Christ I can do nothing, "but with God all things are possible." 

It boils down to obedience. 

When we obey the voice of the Lord, that small whisper that prompts us to do the uncomfortable thing, the hard thing, the impossible thing, we give Him the room to work in our lives, and unbeknownst to us, in the lives of people thousands of miles and many generations past us. 

I obeyed 13 months ago and began a blog and this weekend, someone I never met, received the encouragement they needed for their lives. This is how God works. 

"Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." Hebrews 13:8 NIV 

He provided for the children of Israel, and He provided for Ruth, and He provided for you and I. God is not like man, He does not change or waiver. He works the same today as He did thousands of years and hundreds of generations ago: through people. 

Someone once said to me "We cry out for more of Jesus, but sometimes what we really need is to give Jesus more of ourselves."

What have we got to lose? What has the world got to gain? Surrender and obey so you too can taste and see that the Lord is GOOD! 

Join the Conversation

What is God whispering to you about? Leave your comment below. 

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If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

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Wrecked: When God Slams Into My Brokenness

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Meet Holy Spirit Barbie

I hung up the phone with her and tried to quell the panic attack beginning in my mind. 

I had just invited someone I had very little in common with to be my mentor. If I had not felt God tell me to do this, I would wonder if I had gone mad. 

She is like Holy Spirit Barbie. So beautiful and Christ-like you want to play with her, but God is already busy moving her around and blessing her with a "Dream". Or so she sometimes seems to me. 

I know this is not the case...not really, but my skewed opinions of myself projects onto her more value than I give myself and I know this is just one of the things God wants to change through this relationship. 

At this invitation I now will enter the realm of accountability and change. On the surface this sounds honorable and noble and completely benign. In my head my "self" begins to scream one long "Noooooooo!" 

The problem is this new mentoring relationship will begin to peel back the layers of all the things I have held onto most of my life. "My" identity will be exposed and I will have to truly choose to either hold on to the old version of me or welcome the changes that will come. 

Let's Examine This

Unpacking the fear I have, I turn it over and examine it. 

I have been asking God to change me into His image for over a year now. He has been faithful and done so much. Why then, when He prompts me to foster a new relationship that will allow someone I admire speak into my life on a regular basis, do I suddenly want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction? 

I do not fear the result. I want to look more like Jesus. 

I do not fear the time it will take, I have plenty of it.  

I fear the pain. The pain of letting go of the lies I have chosen to believe about myself for years. 

I fear the ugly. The ugly of mid-metamorphosis.... no change from one thing into another is pretty. With this relationship there will be someone there, up close, seeing all those ugly bits of me I have tried to keep hidden. 

Exposed

On my recent trip to Guatemala, God spoke some powerful things, and one of the things He said was this: 

"How long will I have to convince you that you are chosen? Stop it! Stop with the defensive comments and let down the wall you hide behind. Stop it!" 

With those words, spoken through someone I now consider a friend, I wept. I actually bawled....ugly cried...in public.

Immediately after that word, someone else said this: "I feel like God is saying 'Tell her she is my favorite and she can't say anything snarky about it'"  

"Snarky" is how I describe myself. So I knew this was God and when God exposes your mask, it begins to get real....fast! 

I was wrecked by God's love slamming into me and challenging me to let Him have my brokenness.

Obedience is Better than Sacrifice

That night I just soaked it in, or tried to. Some things God lets marinate before He holds you to walking through the Refiner's fire. I thought I was doing better. I thought I had pruned out the snide and snarky comments about myself. 

After I hung up from the conversation with my new mentor, my best friend - who was with me - turned to me and said "This is a good thing. I am glad you are doing this, because while you have been "better" about not putting yourself down as much, you have still done it and that is disobedience." 

Slapped in the face by the Holy Spirit. That stung. 

The truth is this is more than just "changing a bad habit". This is open heart surgery. I could go through the motions and learn to have more decorum, or speak less harshly about myself, but as long as I still think the same way, it would all be just another mask I put on. My heart would be the same. 

God is faithful to finish what He began in Guatemala...of this I am certain. The Word says in Philippians 1:6 (AMP) "And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."

Join the Conversation

Do you have a mentor? 

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If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

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Send in the Clowns: An Act of Recovery

Photo by Dayna Bickham

My Pity Party

Just over a week ago I sat on a fountain, sharing my story with a new friend in the heart of Antigua, Guatemala.

This mission trip was a long time coming, and God had sent me on the most circuitous route to get there, but there I was.

Doubting.

I doubted myself, I doubted God, I doubted my call, I doubted my abilities, and I doubted my heart.

Doubt sucks the life out of you. It steals your joy. Sitting on that fountain, I was completely self-absorbed and focused on myself.

Totally not where God wanted my focus - at all.

I was supposed to be listening for His voice and looking through His eyes. To see the heart of the Father, we have to look for His children. Since I was not looking, God decided to send in the clowns.

Ladies and Gentlemen....

The sound of this cry "señoras y señores, hoy en día para su entretenimiento, artistas de rendimiento impecable", which means "ladies and gentlemen, today for your entertainment, artists of impeccable achievement" caught my attention and brought my self-absorbed story telling to a halt.

Soon, I saw the bright shining and very made-up faces of three beautiful children. They began to act out a slap stick play full of comedic timing and over 400 lines of dialog. The oldest "clown" was about nine. The little fellow pictured here was about five, and the other was about seven.

They were amazing artists, full of passion and purpose. They were creative and focused. They came to entertain and entertain they did.

I gave them a few dollars. I took a few pictures. I thought that was all. But then, as they faded into the crowd, and my mind began to focus again on myself, I heard God whisper.

You are.... 

I had wondered why I was there. I had wondered if I was qualified. God reminded me that 13 months ago my heart cried out to Him because I wanted to help other missionaries. His answer was to give me the idea for this blog. I did not understand it then. I thought that a small blog in a remote corner of the world wide web would reach a few people, but did not fathom the fullness of God's plan.

In the last year, He had groomed me and moved me and yes, even set me up, to be in Antigua at that moment, and had I not spent the last year learning to write and seeking out people like Jeff Goins, I would have never learned of the opportunity to go to Guatemala. I would have been on my couch in Texas watching the 49ers lose the Super Bowl.

Instead He whispered "You are a missionary." 

My heart began to recover a dream in that moment. One I thought I had lost with time and bad choices years ago. I am a missionary.

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8

 When We Don't "Get It"

God is in the business of redemption. He redeems us, our dreams, even the time. I did not understand 13 months ago how a blog was an answer to a prayer "Lord, help me to give more to missions." I did not know that the pain and the struggles of sharing my thoughts and prayers and devotions with you would lead me back to a dream that I had as a young girl. To be honest, I had forgotten I had the dream...until that moment in Antigua.  

God excavates what life buries and He reclaims us for His purpose...even when we doubt. 

So if you find yourself in the middle of a journey, and you can't quite see the destination, don't worry. Trust God. He is working all things together for your good and His glory. 

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What thing has God redeemed for you?

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The Journey of Promise: My Wrecked Vision Trip Begins

Tomorrow I take off for Guatemala. Photo Credit: Creative Commons

The Time is Now

Tomorrow I will rise at 3:30 in the morning, don my traveling clothes (you should always wear something that hides stains well when you travel and that does not wrinkle) and drive an hour to the nearest airport. Then I will get on a plane, travel across the US and after a couple more planes and hours of air time, I will arrive in Guatemala. 

My journey may culminate tomorrow, but it began long ago. 

The Call

When I was 16, I went to church camp in the hills of Texas. It is beautiful country and our church services were outside. There I experienced God in the most intimate of ways and there I "heard" (not as a physical voice, but a clear direction of the Spirit) God say this: 

"You will preach the gospel beyond these hills." 

Now, over twenty years later, with lots of life (the good and the bad) lived in the in-between, I am going past the hills of Texas to preach the gospel. I may not have much to say, mostly because I do not speak the language, but actions speak louder than words, right? 

I will bring toothpaste and hugs to an orphanage and a children's story to a hospital, and not much else but the love of Jesus via a broad smile and a boisterous laugh. 

Gospel means truth, and the truth is I do not know what is waiting for me on this trip, but my expectation is that God has an experience of a lifetime planned. 

The Promise 

There are a few scriptures that I always seemed to gravitate towards. Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, Romans 8:28 are the main ones. But today, as I hold in my heart the wonder of what God is doing I cannot help but think of this: 

"I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise will always be in my mouth. I praise the Lord— let the suffering listen and rejoice. Magnify the Lord with me! Together let us lift his name up high! I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to God will shine; their faces are never ashamed. This suffering person cried out: the Lord listened and saved him from every trouble." Psalms 34: 1-6 CEB

God promises are yes and amen. I know that He has delivered me and He longs to do the same for you and for the people of Guatemala. I am honored and humbled that I get to tell people about Him, His plan for us and His loving kindness to the ones who suffer. 

Join The Conversation

 Here are a few ways you can join with me on this journey: 

• Pray - pray for safety, a move of the Spirit, salvations to take place, provision, and peace and continuity within the Wrecked team

• Read Along - I and many of the people going will be blogging through the trip. Join us by reading along. If you are not subscribed, then join the blog newsletter now so you do not miss anything! 

• Give - The costs are still accruing for this trip, and my goal is still not yet met. If you intended to give and just never got around to it, it is not too late! Give here. 

The Upside to Fear

I still have to pack... Photo Credit: Creative Commons

I am racked with anxiety! 

There are just days before I leave for a missions trip to Guatemala.

I am not prepared.

Forget the packing, the funds, the logistics, this is about my heart.

I feel inadequate to the challenges ahead. Who will I minister to? What do I have to offer? Why would anyone listen to me? I have nothing to give!

Have you ever felt this way?

I remember feeling this way before becoming a mom for the first time. Then again when I was preparing to repeat that feat with the second child.

I remember feeling that way when I sat down to write for this blog the first time and then again before my book was published.

The Upside to Fear

This is not a freeze-in-your-boots-and-let-the-enemy-win kind of fear, but a check in your spirit to remember to be humble. There is a difference. Feeling inadequate to the task can be a good thing. It is our minds and hearts telling us we are not enough on our own.

How do I know? Because even Paul did not think he could handle something, and God said "My grace is sufficient."

"I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. But the Lord said, “My grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power.” So I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me. Yes, I am glad to have weaknesses if they are for Christ. I am glad to be insulted and have hard times. I am glad when I am persecuted and have problems, because it is when I am weak that I am really strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ERV

I am not anyone special. I have my own set of issues: I have a short fuse, I am overweight and I bite my nails too often, just to name a few, but God, who is more than able to answer any need, to mend any hurt, and to free anyone, is bigger than my shortcomings and weaknesses. He is more than enough in every situation.

Job, who's life fell apart bit by bit in a matter of hours, refused to doubt the greatness and goodness of God. If he can have faith in the most dire of circumstances, I can trust God as I travel to a country in my own hemisphere.

I may not know what the future holds, but as the old song says, " I know who holds the future!"

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

So when I go and the task seems to great I will remember the words of Peter: "silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give unto thee"!

Join the Conversation: 

Have you ever felt to little for the task? What was your situation like and did you see God's grace in it after it was all done?

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If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the free PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

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Don't Quit Your Day Job: The 5-Fold Purpose of Work

Photo Credit: Creative Commons edits by Dayna Bickham 

Work Stinks

When I was a kid, I bought into that lie that we all do at one point or another: "When I grow up I am going to do what I want to do, and nothing else!" 

Then we find out that doing what you want costs money, or conflicts with something else and reality begins to set in. The truth is work stinks and it is not always fun. 

Some of us have gotten "What do you want to be when you grow up" mixed up with what I should do until my dreams become reality. 

The answer will always be work. 

We have to put our hand to the plow and not look back. In work, whether it is for a family business, a corporation or somewhere in between, we grow and learn and change. Working matures us. Sticking to the job when we don't want to stretches us. 

In Jeff Goins' book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life he says this: 

"Committing to certain things- a job, a wife, a calling- has taught me a lot about character and integrity  discipline and honor. There's something about the process of giving up on other possibilities and sticking to a path that brings life in ways that other thrills do not. And I'm a better man for it, no matter how much I kick and scream along the way." 

More Than A Paycheck

There is a purpose to work besides putting money into your pocket. Work teaches us and develops us. Here are a few ways it does this: 

• We Learn Commitment - stick-to-it-ness. We learn the value of hanging in there when the going gets tough and we glean the benefits of coming out on the other side. 

• Work Develops Character- Doing what you said you would do is not always as easy as it sounds. In today's society we often flake out because we heard "just follow your heart" too often. Our heart should not be dictating our actions, but what God says, and He said "Let your yes be yes and your no be no." 

• We Develop Skills- Work strengthens skills you already have and teaches you new skills. Sometimes our dreams require more of us than we can bring to the table. That was the case with Joseph. He was a spoiled kid in his father's house, but after serving Potiphar, and then becoming a leader in prison, then he was ready to lead a nation through a drought and save his family. Then his dreams could come to pass. 

• Work Hones Your Focus. If you want to know more about who you are, get dirty. Work, the sweat of our brow actually tells us more about our strengths and weaknesses. It builds us up as people of character and makes us focus on things by forcing us to prioritize. We get rid of the fluff and take care of the stuff that matters.  Tweet That 

• Work Opens Doors- Opportunities we never thought we would have, or chances to do things we never dreamed may just come as fruits of our labor. Without putting our hand to the plow and just doing our everyday work, we would not get the benefit of opportunities. Do not think less of your job because it is not the one you wanted at first. Do not despise your small beginning, because you never know where it might lead.  

The Purpose of Work

Work prepares you for more. In my book, The Purpose of Chosen I talk about this very thing. We have been chosen for a purpose, but that does not mean our skills dictate what that purpose is. Instead our purpose dictates what skills we should be learning. The calling is never after the gift, the gift always comes second. Preparation for your purpose may be in the mission field, or your home church, or it may be like Joseph- in prison. Where ever you are, put your hand to the plow. Do the work. It will prepare you for more, and it will make reaching your goals and dreams that much sweeter! 

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What are some lessons you have learned through work? 

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The Purpose of Your Dream

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Who am I?

I have struggled all my life with this question. I knew who I was in the sense that I was born into a certain family, or that I was the smart kid with the loud laugh, but inside, I struggled with the question of who I was meant to be.

As kids we all get asked at one time or another, “What do you want to be when you grow up?” For me there were always three things that I said, depending on my age or on my mood. I wanted to be a teacher, a singer, or (my favorite) Annie.

Little Orphan Annie ™ was made into the movie Annie when I was five or six. That bright smiling girl had spunk, daring, and moxie! At any moment she could break into a fight or break into song. I identified with her so strongly that I drove my family crazy with my rendition of “Tomorrow”.  

Rocky Balboa and Luke Skywalker were close seconds but Annie was always the forerunner for me. What do these fictitious characters have to do with discovering who I am? Nothing and everything! 

Those things that create a spark are things that give us a glimpse of who we are as individuals. What I like, (Annie for example) someone else may see as trite, or drivel. There are some who become excited by the idea of survivalist training or climbing active volcanoes. These things do not spark a passion with me because I was not wired that way. 

For me, being like Annie is more than singing "The sun'll come out tomorrow...." It is about standing up for what I believe in, fighting along side my friends, being a leader, enjoying the most out of life and never letting the really crummy circumstances drag me down. Her character reminds me to be a person of character and to press into life with all the guts and gusto I can. 

What sparks you? 

Today is Martin Luther King Jr. Day. His passion was first the gospel and second the equality of his fellow man. Not just because of color, but in spite of it. He saw oppression and he could not stand by and say nothing. He believed the prophet Isaiah and took God's word to heart. 

"Learn to do good. Seek justice. Help the oppressed. Defend the cause of orphans. Fight for the rights of widows." Isaiah 1:17

In his famous "Dream" speech he said this: 

"I have a dream that one day every valley shall be exalted, every hill and mountain shall be made low, the rough places will be made plain, and the crooked places will be made straight, and the glory of the Lord shall be revealed, and all flesh shall see it together.

 This is our hope. This is the faith that I go back to the South with. With this faith we will be able to hew out of the mountain of despair a stone of hope. With this faith we will be able to transform the jangling discords of our nation into a beautiful symphony of brotherhood.

 With this faith we will be able to work together, to pray together, to struggle together, to go to jail together, to stand up for freedom together, knowing that we will be free one day....when all of God's children, black men and white men, Jews and Gentiles, Protestants and Catholics, will be able to join hands and sing in the words of the old Negro spiritual, "Free at last! free at last! thank God Almighty, we are free at last!"

The Purpose of a Dream

I am not talking about the "I ate too many tacos right before I went to bed" kind of dreams. I am talking about the dreams that are bigger than ourselves. The ones that take our breath with the sheer depth and breadth of them.

Dreams move us. They ignite us. They drive us, and too often, they leave us. Or I should say, we give up on them.

If you feel like you have lost your dream, you need to remember this. Joseph stood among his brothers as a kid. Snot-nosed, arrogant, and naive, he thought his dreams meant he had it all figured out.

Instead it took expulsion from his family, false accusations of rape, jail, working for the Pharaoh and then, when he least expected it, God brought Joseph's dreams to pass. Not for Joseph's sake, but for the sake of his family and two nations: Egypt and Israel.

Dreams are markers of God's faithfulness. They give us hope, they point us in the right direction, and they take root in our hearts. If we feed our dreams we can watch them grow, but only if we do not give up. Only if we keep pressing. If Joseph had given up when he was thrown down a well, or when he was thrown in jail unjustly...what would that have meant to the world years later? Who would have gone hungry or never received forgiveness?

No matter the circumstance, we must keep moving forward. Carving hope out of despair and transforming random notes of our life's music into a symphony of praise to God's faithfulness to bring all things to work together for the good of those who love Him. (Romans 8:28)

Dreams prompt us to act. To do. To stand up. To take notice. To put the world on notice. Dreams are creative and they are often closely tied to our purpose. They are the fuel that drives us, and they are a gift of God, who knew you before you were formed in your mother's womb and who's plans for you are good and hope-filled.

Live your life with a dream in your heart, your hand to the plow and your trust in the Lord and He will direct your path.

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What is your dream?

"The Lord answered me, “Write down what I show you. Write it clearly on a sign so that the message will be easy to read." Habakkuk 2:2

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Self-Esteem via Grace and Beauty

Original Artwork by Dayna Bickham, Photo by Dayna Bickham

We Are More Alike Than You Know

I love writing, and I love speaking, but teaching is a whole separate animal. I love it, I am just much newer to it and have so much more to learn there. I teach a class of some very beautiful and vibrantly different girls who range in age from eight to twelve. Some are outgoing, and some are  quiet and reserved.

Each girl may be different, but we all share the same struggles. As I stood before a class of twelve girls and two adults, I shared my struggle with accepting who God made me to be and watched as the message hit home with each of them. I wanted them to esteem themselves as the beauties they are, and embrace the grace of God instead of the world's version of self-esteem. 

I used art, a mirror and scripture to do it. 

The Lesson Breakdown

1) Design- We are planned with design in mind. God knew us before we were in our mother's womb. We are miracles of design and creation.  (Jeremiah 1:5 Psalms 139:14)

2) Create- Since God is THE Creator and we are made in His image, we are also creative beings made to do good works. (Genesis 1, Eph 2:10) 

3) Appreciate- That beauty is not defined by a mirror or popular opinion, but by what God made (each and every one of us) and by what is in our hearts. (Proverbs 31:30, 1 Samuel 16:7) 

4) Give Grace- Finally, I wanted those girls to begin to understand that grace is not just something God gives us, but something we can give ourselves. When we stand in front of that mirror and say "my teeth are too far apart", or "I don't like my hair", or "I am to fat" then we tell ourselves (God's creations) that we are not good enough. We would not tell someone else this lie, so why do we so easily believe it when we say it to ourselves?

When we give ourselves grace to make mistakes, to be different, to be ourselves, then the self-doubt and harsh lies become less important and the grace and love of God can become more real to us. After all, grace  is an extension of God's love for us, and His love is His character. Since we need to become more like Him, why not start off with a touch of grace? 

True Masterpieces 

Now I am no painter. I cannot (on most days) draw a circle, much less paint. But I wanted the girls to experience drawing/painting a self-portrait and seeing themselves in new ways. So after watching clever videos on YouTube I was able to walk them through a simple and fun way to teach the kids how to draw a self-portrait. I have to say the outcomes were better than I could have expected. 

Each girl focused on what was honest and true about them, not the negative things that they could have focused on. Each one created portraits of themselves that may never hang in galleries, but for all their childish brushstrokes and cartoon-esque technique they created moments of creative affirmation and embraced themselves as the masterpieces God designed. 

My self-portrait came out looking more like Heather Locklear than I meant, but I am okay with that. There is grace (and some humor- don't ask what the dots are- I have no idea!) in that. But I do smile. I do have great blue eyes and I am beautiful to my Father. This is the grace I can give myself. 

The girls gave themselves some grace when it came to their artistic abilities, but that small lesson makes room for them to grow in grace as they grow in the Lord. For me, this was the main objective of the project: to see ourselves and our abilities as masterpieces in progress: to embrace grace and trust in God's design for our self-esteem and not what the world says about beauty. We are well on our way. What about you? 

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In what way can you give yourself some grace today? 

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