The Value of an Apology

"Humility" by Will Felix 

I Hate Apologizing 

Even when I know I was wrong, and an apology should be offered, my body has a visceral reaction to the act of  saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me".

My pulse quickens. My face flushes. My palms sweat. My stomach ties up in knots.

It is not a pretty sight.

Recently I said something in jest.

It was not an offensive thing, and it was not a harsh thing. Most days, I would laugh at my wit and move on. Yet, this time I couldn't. This time my Dad was telling me to apologize.

You see, words have power. They hang in the air and in people's minds when they think of you. I have a tendency to think I am funny. God was reminding me that sometimes (most times) my thinkin' is stinkin'!

So I had to write an apology email. One to my pastor and one to my mentor, both of whom were present when I made my little quip. It does not matter if I get a response. It does not matter if they forgive me. What does matter is I obeyed my Father, and secondly, I learned a small bit of humility.

Why We Hate to Say "I'm Sorry" 

The short answer is pride. 

Who really wants to be told they are wrong, much less admit it voluntarily? Not anyone I have ever met. 

We will miss the mark, make a mistake or just be plain wrong sometimes: this is part of what it means to be human. So, humility brings our pride down a  notch and lets us be vulnerable in the moment. It may not feel good, but there are benefits. 

We Get it Wrong - Again 

We confuse humility with humiliation. One is a good and Godly quality to have, and one is embarrassing and shameful. If we humble ourselves then humiliation never comes. It is only when we are continuously prideful that humiliation comes. 

God's word says "Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor." Proverbs 29:23 

I do not know about you, but I think a heartfelt and quick apology (as much as I hate to do so) is better than being called to the carpet later about the same thing you could have apologized for in the first place.

Better to be humble now than humiliated later. TWEET THAT

The Benefits of Getting it Right

There are three key benefits to humility (or meekness). People who are humble: 

• live happier lives. (Psalms 22:26, Read about it in TIME Magazine Online) 
• are honored. (Luke 14:11) 
• live longer lives. (Proverbs 22:4) 

People who are humble make better bosses and employees. People who are humble divorce less, and live longer. People who are humble are kinder than other people and give more selflessly. 

These are all amazing things to have in life. But if we seek humility for the things humility can get us later, we are missing the point. Living as a more humble person allows us to be pliable before God. 

God longs to mold us into His image. 

Humility puts us in the position we need to be, bowed before our Father, as He chisels out the rough places and sculpts us into the work of art He designed us to be from the very beginning. 

Join the Conversation

Do you find it easy or difficult to apologize? 

Subscribe

If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

Subscribe to our newsletter

True Confessions of a Christian Blogger

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Let's Get Real

In the moments when I feel undone, when I am at the end of my self and feel unable to give anything else, I learn that God’s grace is truly sufficient.

By writing almost every day I have learned more of what I do believe and what I have yet to learn. I have reached the end of “me” many times since starting this blog. Every time that has happened, God has honored His word, and His grace was enough.

Writing is not glamorous. Sometimes, it isn’t even fun. Yet, when I do not write I feel like I have missed something; like dreaming you have no pants on at work, which is just weird.

The last nine months have stretched me like never before. I have worried about comma splices and I have worried about hacking up the Word. I have worked out my faith in front of you and I have struggled. I have shown you the world’s most unflattering picture of myself on this blog and I have been raw and open about my past and about my present.

Soon the year will be up. I have only a few more months to share with you and I wonder if I should continue doing this beyond that time.

I have written about marriage issues in the church, how to set priorities, finding your purpose, following your dreams, and my everyday foibles. Some posts have gotten wonderful responses, and some things have barely registered.

I have never “gone viral” but I have typed away while battling a virus. I have gotten up at five a.m. and I have prayed over this endeavor many times.

Now, I am sick of “I”.

How do I write stories that are effective? How do I reach more people? Should I keep doing more of the same or should I stop when the year is up?

When I read Jon Acuff’s Quitter I burned from within to get to the “next” thing. Then I read You are a Writer by Jeff Goins and I knew I am a writer, and this is what I was called to do. Next came Michael Hyatt and Platform. I began to focus on building an audience, on gathering a following, on publishing my name.

I am sorry. 

I am not enough. I never was and never will be. I am not the solution to any problem; I am not some all-knowing swami, and I am not some big time minister: I am just me, Dayna.

I struggle with my temper and my kids have their own set of issues and rebellions. I struggle with maintaining friendships and over the course of the last nine months I feel like I have turned into a whiney baby. You have been there through it all. Thanks for that.

If you have gotten anything out of this blog, and I hope you have, I want you to know, it has very little to do with me and everything to do with my Father.

He gave me a gift. I have struggled to use it correctly. He has given me favor where I deserved none. He has given me ideas when my mind was bogged down by emotional clutter.

Ultimately, He will be the one that says keep going forward or stop. For now, we have three more months together, and I will keep plugging away to bring you content that hopefully speaks to you.

Join the Conversation

In order to bring you great content and continue ministering to you I need to hear what you think. Today I am asking you for your help. Will you take this 10 question survey and help me build a better experience for you? This will be anonymous. Can you help? Please? Click this link now. http://www.surveymonkey.com/s/WYYWVG9

My Failure as A Parent: The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Sometimes being a parent is not fun. 

There are moments, like last night, that I want to run screaming from the building pulling out my hair along the way.

My kids can be demanding, they can be obstinate, and they can be difficult.

They are, after all, part of my gene pool.

My dad always said grandchildren would be his revenge. I get what he meant now.

The fight between my youngest was over something insignificant. I could not care less about the "thing" she wanted. Her attitude was what affected me the most. She thought she deserved an equal amount of something. She had a right to that thing, and somehow her "rights" were being ignored.

My anger flared, because I know just how wrong she was. Not because I am always right, but because I have been in the same place as her and I know how important it is for her to "get it".

She felt entitled. This entitlement attitude is dangerous and one we have not tried to cultivate, but somehow my children have developed.

This got me thinking....

How often do we come at God like this?

We are His children. His kids can be demanding, obstinate and difficult.  They are, after all, part of the fallen world and like their father Adam.

How often have we heard, "I am mad at God?" or "God doesn't hear my prayers" or "If God loved me, He wouldn't have let my wife die."  Similar statements have been uttered countless times in countless variations.

These come from a place of entitlement. Entitlement is dangerous.

Entitlement says "I have the right to be given something".

The Nature of Gifts

Before we were in Christ we were dead.

The dead have no rights.

Everything we receive from God at this point (while dead) is a gift. Then when we come to know the saving grace of God through Christ we are alive, but since we are bought with a price, we are not our own and we still have no rights. Everything we have is still a gift.

For our gifts we should be thankful. Gratitude is a skill. It is not an easy one to learn. Why? Because you can not be grateful and humble at the same time. It is a lesson God is teaching me through my children right now.

I guess my heart is being checked, and it has come up short. If I could rip it out of my chest and wash it under a waterfall I would, but even that would not be clean enough for my God. He deserves the best me. Thankfully, He provided the remedy.

He washes me white as snow. He examines my heart, and if there is a spot or a wrinkle, He washes me again with His love and Word.

He corrects His children because He loves us.

This Too Shall Pass

I will survive the latest uproar with my kids.

I will also endeavor to teach them this lesson: First, we are not owed anything, and second to be grateful for what we have with a humble heart.

I will also press in so that my Father can show me where I fall short, and pray that I have a contrite heart along the way.

Thank You

Thank you for letting me rant. You let me drag my pain and rawness out in front of you. My life is not pretty in these moments and it is made up of more of these moments than you know. Writing this story down and sharing it with you has let me work through it. It has helped remind me of all the times when I have "got it" and how God has changed me in the process.

My hope is that by sharing, you can be changed too. I am praying for you. Please pray for me.

Join the Conversation

Does God use your kids to talk to you?


Like what you read here?  More great content is available several times a week, but I understand how busy you are. That is why I offer a free newsletter that sends you an email of the same great content straight to your inbox! You won't have to worry about missing a thing. I will never share your information with anyone, and if you sign up today, you can get a free copy of my children's eBook The Gardener and the Sapling: A Modern Parable. Click the link below and subscribe now!

Subscribe to our newsletter