No More Lies: Part 3 "Bad Parent!"

Graphic: Dayna Bickham/Creative Commons License 

"If my kids have problems, I am a bad parent!" 

This lie is one of the most hideous we face as people, because if Satan can destroy our family unity he can win our kids.

I have struggled with this lie since I popped out the first child. Every ear infection I worried that someone would catch on to what a bad parent I was and take my kid.

When Sarah had a seizure in my arms I was bombarded with feelings of guilt. "If you were a better mom you would have seen the signs sooner" and "this is your genetics and there is nothing you can do about it" were just a few of the horrible thoughts that I battled.

Now, my kids are healthy (no more seizures thank you Jesus!) but the issues they have are more difficult to handle.

When my kids were little I did not live for Jesus. I was out in the world living a life the way I wanted to: my life was full of poor choices and bad attitudes. Though I had grown up in church, they have not, because I was too busy thinking life was all about me (another lie) they missed out on the type of parenting they deserved.

Now when I see the fruit of those early years my heart breaks.

The lies begin again. 

So I stop and remember they do not belong to me. To believe they are MY kids is a lie. They belong to God.

They are on loan to me for a season. Where I fall short, God has grace. One of the hardest things for me to do is lay my kids on the alter and then walk away.

I do not know how Abraham did it. No wonder his obedience was counted as such great faith.

When they mess up, and they do, and they will, I have to trust that God can still reach them: His arms are not too short. God can still sustain them, His grace is still sufficient.

I have to seek God, ask for wisdom and trust that even if my kids run from God, He will chase them until He finds them. 

I have to remind myself that God has a plan and a purpose for them and that what Satan has stole God can and will redeem. I have to be like Abraham. I have to trust.

My Prayer

Father, forgive me for not always doing my best. I have fallen short when it comes to raising, loving, training and teaching my kids about you. I know You are faithful. I know you can redeem the time, you can call all men's (girls') hearts to you and I ask Lord that you reach out and touch my kids' hearts now. Father help me to trust. Help me to believe you rather than a lie. Help me to remember that You are in control!
Father I ask that you minister to the ones who read this. The ones who have their own struggles with parenting and who are battling lies right now. Give them strength and wisdom. Father teach me to discern what is best for my kids. Show me how to love like you do. I thank you and bless your Holy name. Amen.

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What kinds of struggles do you have as a parent?



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My Failure as A Parent: The Apple Doesn't Fall Far

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Sometimes being a parent is not fun. 

There are moments, like last night, that I want to run screaming from the building pulling out my hair along the way.

My kids can be demanding, they can be obstinate, and they can be difficult.

They are, after all, part of my gene pool.

My dad always said grandchildren would be his revenge. I get what he meant now.

The fight between my youngest was over something insignificant. I could not care less about the "thing" she wanted. Her attitude was what affected me the most. She thought she deserved an equal amount of something. She had a right to that thing, and somehow her "rights" were being ignored.

My anger flared, because I know just how wrong she was. Not because I am always right, but because I have been in the same place as her and I know how important it is for her to "get it".

She felt entitled. This entitlement attitude is dangerous and one we have not tried to cultivate, but somehow my children have developed.

This got me thinking....

How often do we come at God like this?

We are His children. His kids can be demanding, obstinate and difficult.  They are, after all, part of the fallen world and like their father Adam.

How often have we heard, "I am mad at God?" or "God doesn't hear my prayers" or "If God loved me, He wouldn't have let my wife die."  Similar statements have been uttered countless times in countless variations.

These come from a place of entitlement. Entitlement is dangerous.

Entitlement says "I have the right to be given something".

The Nature of Gifts

Before we were in Christ we were dead.

The dead have no rights.

Everything we receive from God at this point (while dead) is a gift. Then when we come to know the saving grace of God through Christ we are alive, but since we are bought with a price, we are not our own and we still have no rights. Everything we have is still a gift.

For our gifts we should be thankful. Gratitude is a skill. It is not an easy one to learn. Why? Because you can not be grateful and humble at the same time. It is a lesson God is teaching me through my children right now.

I guess my heart is being checked, and it has come up short. If I could rip it out of my chest and wash it under a waterfall I would, but even that would not be clean enough for my God. He deserves the best me. Thankfully, He provided the remedy.

He washes me white as snow. He examines my heart, and if there is a spot or a wrinkle, He washes me again with His love and Word.

He corrects His children because He loves us.

This Too Shall Pass

I will survive the latest uproar with my kids.

I will also endeavor to teach them this lesson: First, we are not owed anything, and second to be grateful for what we have with a humble heart.

I will also press in so that my Father can show me where I fall short, and pray that I have a contrite heart along the way.

Thank You

Thank you for letting me rant. You let me drag my pain and rawness out in front of you. My life is not pretty in these moments and it is made up of more of these moments than you know. Writing this story down and sharing it with you has let me work through it. It has helped remind me of all the times when I have "got it" and how God has changed me in the process.

My hope is that by sharing, you can be changed too. I am praying for you. Please pray for me.

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Does God use your kids to talk to you?


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Confessions of a Crazy Mom!

 Tore up from the floor up! This was the "good" picture. 

The Dog Days of Summer Are Over

Yesterday I was lauding the last day of summer and excited that my youngest was headed back to school.

This morning, as I drove my baby (she is 14) to her first day of high school I bawled like a baby. I do this every year, and I had hoped that this year would be different, but alas, no. 

Water works ensued!

This is not a good look on me. I ugly cry. My face scrunches up, my lips pucker out and my nose turns red. I have no make-up on and other than brushing my teeth and washing my face I basically rolled out of bed this morning. (NOT a good look!) 

Add undone hair and I look like a blubbering drunk realizing she is about to be arrested. 

I have friends that think I am crazy! I probably am. They pump their fists in jubilation as their kiddos step onto the bus and out of their hair until Christmas break. In my head, I think that is how I will feel every time. Then, I don't. I do this. It is not a pretty sight! 

But I do not want to talk about the "look" as much as this: time. 

Time is short. 

They are so young, these kids of ours. We know that soon they will face a world that is not as supportive as Mom and Dad have been. They will face hardships, and heart aches. They will build new friendships and let go of others. They will learn new things and be challenged beyond what we think they should. This is all before 3:30 p.m. every day. 

No matter what age your child is, NOW is the time to parent them. 

I know you are a parent, but parenting is another bag all together. It takes focus and determination and faith and prayer and well, the list could go on and on. 

In the short time between now, and that day when they strike out on their own, love them by leading them. Love them by teaching them. Love them even when they push against you or scream "Leave me alone!" 

This time is like having a garden. In this season we plant, we pluck up weeds, we graft, we prune, we train, and we watch them bloom. The harvest of all you sow into them will come later. 

This makes me think of a show I recently watched on TV about a family of homesteaders in Alaska. There, due to the weather, they have an extremely short growing season. They have to grow what they can when they can. It is the same as parents.  

These last 14 years have flown by for me. If you are a parent I know you get how fast time can move as you watch your child grow. Parent or not, the lesson is this: there is the law of sowing and reaping at work in you right now. There is a short growing season. Choose wisely what you plant and you will reap the benefits in due season! 

I want to pray for you and your kids. 

Father, help us as parents to redeem the time as best we can. Give us wisdom in what to sow into our children. Help us see the overall picture of who you want them to be so we can prune and train them into what you desire. Thank you for trusting us with such a magnificent gift. Lord, bless and keep the hearts and minds of our little ones. Let them always look to and trust in you. In the name of Jesus, Amen. 

Join the conversation: 

Crazy picture aside, (and I am sorry for that by the way!) are you a cryer or a fist pumper when it comes to sending the kiddos off to school every year? 

3 Best Parenting Tips EVER!

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Parenting is Rough! 

There are moms that swear the terrible twos are the most hairy years of their parenting lives. There are some that swear pre-pubescence is the nightmare that they struggled to get through. For me, it is the teen years. 

As a mom of two teenage girls, I find everyday seems to be as challenging as the day before, sometimes in similar ways and sometimes in totally unexpected ways. I have two very head strong and heart soft girls and sometimes walking that fine line between training and breaking is difficult. 

Training versus Breaking

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 

When you train something or someone, you teach by repetition, you lead by example and you reward with positive feedback. 

When you break something or someone (of a bad habit, like a horse is broken, as in curb the will) then you run the risk of breaking their spirit too. 

The rod and correction lead to wisdom, but children out of control shame their mothers. Proverbs 29:15

As a kid I bucked that kind of parenting for a long time, yet as an adult I was that kind of parent. To be perfectly honest at times when things get particularly rough, I still tend to fall back into this kind of parenting. (Though my children are too old for a spanking, they are never too old to lose an iPod, or a phone, or some other privilege). 

[Caveat: Tempered spanking (controlled patterned structured discipline) is not bad. Not all spanking is beating, but all beating IS wrong! You have to be careful here, but this is not a post on physical discipline.]

Our jobs as parents are multifaceted, but for the purposes of this post I want to focus on these two things: relationship and character. 

Relationship

There are four types of relationships parents must teach their children about. 

1. Relationship with God – this is the most valuable thing we can help our children establish. We will never be the perfect parents, but God is the perfect Father. Knowing who we were meant to be before we do, meeting our needs before we know we need them, and providing a way to be forever in in His presence, God is the ultimate Dad.

2. Relationships with authority- As parents we are the first teachers, police, judge, and boss that our children will ever have. We must teach them to respect authority not because it is the “way things are” but because serving and honoring those who serve is one of the highest forms of respect we can give.

3. Relationship with peers – As parents we teach our children to share, to be kind, to love, to serve, to treat others as we want to be treated. These social skills will serve our children the rest of their lives and create stronger character in them.

4. Relationship with spouse – As parents we will model to our children what healthy (hopefully) relationships with a spouse look like. That each person serves the other out of love and respect, not out of duty or fear. This relationship will teach your young men how to treat women and your young women how to love well.

Character

Someone once told me “You are either raising a child with character or you are raising a character.” 

I don’t know about you, but I want the first one. Though only time will tell, right? The proof is, after all, in the proverbial pudding. 

Character is essential to keeping your child on track to having a fulfilled life as an adult. Let’s look at three traits of a person of good character that can set your child on the right path. 

1. Honesty- with themselves, with God and with man. If a person is honest, there is little room for miscommunication, ego, or arrogance. Honest people see themselves for who they are, flawed, (in need of a God) and deal with people in a straight forward manner that builds trust with those in authority and their peers.

2. Humility- Raising a child who is humble is an amazing gift to that child. When we are truly humble, God promotes us. When we are prideful and arrogant then we face obstacles that by their very nature will hamper and dampen that pride. Pride makes life hard. People appreciate humility and set themselves against prideful people.

3. Love- Now abides faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:13) Love will enable your child to show kindness when most people would show disdain. Love will be patient when others are tapping their foot and watching the clock. Love will serve others before themselves. Love will curb greed, overcome hate, and strengthen relationships. Love is not just for our spouses and children. Love is a character trait we should show the man who is holding the sign “will work for food” or the slightly smelly woman sitting next to you in church. Love is for the stranger at work sitting across the negotiating table and for the starving child Africa. If you cannot teach your child honesty or humility at least teach them love.

I by no means have it right all the time. I have been both the really bad parent, who used fear and yelling as a whip to bring my children “into line” and the good mom that realized that she better live by example and show some humility and walk in love with her kids. 

Right now I have a child who at every turn pushes boundaries, verbalizes her discontent, and thinks she knows better than mom and dad. I have another who is well on her way to following her sister's attitudinal footsteps. 

So I put on a happy face and parent them even when I don't like them. (I am being honest here) 

This is my joy as a mother of teenagers, though at times the tears make the smiling look a little creepy. Just sayin'. 

(Insert "uncomfortable" laugh here)

Of course, as I post this, my girls are off to camp, and par the course for this mommy, I cried seeing them off. No matter what I am my kids' mom and I love them beyond measure. 

The bottom line is this: no matter how hard you think the moment is, how upset you are that your child just doesn't “get it”, (and there will be plenty of these moments) keep your eye on the goal. 

I just have to remind myself of the three best parenting tips of all:  

1. Pray

2. Breathe

3.Repeat

Train your kids to love God, and to walk in love toward others and you will teach them the greatest two laws ever given by God. 

“The most important one says: ‘People of Israel, you have only one Lord and God. You must love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.’ The second most important commandment says: ‘Love others as much as you love yourself.’ No other commandment is more important than these.”

Do you have any parenting tips you want to share?

A Mom Moment: The Pre-Graduation Meltdown

She is graduating! 

I am a little freaked out right now. 

In less than four days, my 16 year old daughter will be graduating early. 

She has earned it; she has worked hard to overcome a learning disability and done four years of high school in one year. By the end of today she should have all her course work done. 

I am proud of her, but I am also a little overwhelmed with the idea that my life is about to change as I know it. 

She is my baby. I remember bringing her home from the hospital and the 2:00 am feedings. Now she is nearly grown and has accomplished so much. She has such a bright future ahead of her. 

This is one of those moments. You know the ones: that moment when I will forever look at her differently and things change forever. 

My role as a mom will be changing in the next few years as well. I will begin the process of letting go. 

I am not sure how to do that. 

I was a horrible mother to her in the beginning. I was demanding, borderline abusive, and mean. It took counseling, prayer, and a lot of love and work to win my daughter. I say win because I had lost her through bad parenting and had to reclaim her as mine and earn a relationship back with her- all in 16 short years. 

Now I cling to the prize fiercely. I was given Sarah by God, and now I must begin to let her go, just a little, and trust God that He has her and knows what is best for her. 

She is only 16. Life is just beginning for her, I am just glad she still needs her mom- at least, for a while. 

This is just one of those moments, and I want to remember it forever. 

Have you had a moment you want to remember forever? Share it with us in the comments below.

6 Ways to Combat Stress

She was my first child; my learning curve. 

Sarah was seven, just a small tiny thing, when she had her first seizure. 

I was in the middle of a difficult year in college, in the middle of mid-terms, when that morning changed everything. 

She had been ill in the night. I had not awoken when she had vomited on herself in the early morning hours. I was new in town, hadn’t made many friends, and had just started to flirt with the idea of going back to church after years out in the world. I had no support system nearby. 

My husband worked for a new company and having a sick day was not really an option. I would have to miss midterms and risk failing, or make it work. 

I chose to make it work. 

I called a new acquaintance from church and asked them to watch her for a few hours. When they agreed I was relieved. I drove to meet them and drop off my pale, oddly quiet, sickly girl. As I put her into the other car it happened. She had a grand mal seizure. 

In my arms. 

If you are a parent, then you know the fear and the anguish I felt in that moment. Even now, I tear up at the memory of her face, contorted and pulled oddly to one side. Half of her body was limp and the other half pulled, jerking, struggling in all the wrong angles.   

I had one thing to say in that moment. It is a word I cannot repeat here. EVER. 

I knew what epilepsy looked like. My great grandmother was epileptic, and died having a static seizure. I knew what could be down the road. 

I did not stop, I did not collect $200, I swooped her up, ran back to my car, prayed for all I was worth, and drove to the hospital. 

It was one of the most stressful, fear-filled moments in my life. 

The most stressful moment however, was the one when I realized she had been seizing in the early morning hours while I slept just 20 feet away. 

By herself. 

She could have died, aspirating on her own vomit. I could have lost her and never known she needed me. For me it was a low moment. 

Since then, Sarah has grown out of her epilepsy and has been seizure free for six years now. Of course, there is always a chance she could relapse with a pregnancy or some other severe stressors, but for now she is a healthy 16 year-old and those things are something we acknowledge as future possibilities and then move on. 

Why am I telling you this? 

I am telling you this story because I want you to know that no matter what is going on, that moment of fear and stress will pass. 

Whatever you are going through, as hard, as difficult, or as scary as it may be, life will keep going on. There is only one thing you can control. 

You. 

Your words, your actions, your thoughts, these are the battleground right now. 

Fight the good fight. 

Here are six things you can do to get through this time without self-destructing physically/emotionally or losing faith: 

1. Get rest. When our bodies are stressed there are more hormones being poured into us. These hormones cause our hearts to beat faster, our muscles to tense up and mess with our digestion. Stress can even mess with sleep patterns. So slow down and get a nap in. The world will not come to a crashing halt while you catch a few moments of rest. 

2. Mind you words. The enemy loves an ambush. What better time to attack than when you are distracted. Remember the bible says give no foothold to the devil. Be careful that your words are faith filled, prayerful, grateful, and kind. 

3. Pray. Prayer allows a rest of a different kind. Emotional and spiritual rest. You need to keep your tank full. Get some face time with God. Get in His presence and let him renew your mind and spirit. 

4. Get physical. Don’t forget to take care of you. Go for a walk, hit the gym for 30 minutes, or do some other physical activity. When under stress our bodies tense up. Muscles need exercise to release lactic acid that can build up and cause those aches and pains you may feel. 

5. Pay attention to what and how you eat. When we are stressed, we are often on the go. Grabbing fast food may seem like a simple solution to your time crunch now, but in the long run, fast food can make the effects of stress harder to overcome. Eat well, taking time to spread out your meals and snacks into small portions of healthy fruits and vegetables. 

6. Celebrate the good. When we are in stressful situations it can seem like nothing is going right. Take the time to pay attention. Look for those moments to be thankful for. A colleague buying lunch, a friend calling at just the right time, or a stranger’s smile can make all the difference if you are paying attention. Stay grateful. 

Remember that no one is perfect. Do not be too hard on yourself during this time and keep in mind that this is just a season. Seasons change. 

How do you like to combat stress?  

Self-Confidence vs. Real Confidence

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Let’s talk about something that seems to be a real problem for a lot of people: confidence. 

Maybe the reason this is a problem for people is because we have believed a lie: confidence is all about believing in yourself. 

Real Confidence is Not About Us. 

We are broken and flawed creatures who in ourselves have nothing worthy. Every good and perfect gift comes from the Father of light, the Lord who is love. BUT GOD, who is flawless, and in whom is all our strength and hope, in Him we can have confidence. 

The respect and proper reverence of God (the fear of God) builds confidence! When we truly know that God is the author and the finisher of our faith; He holds the pen that writes our story, and when we worship Him in spirit and truth for His faithfulness to us, then we can know without a doubt that He is worthy of our trust in Him. 

Confidence (Noun) is defined as: full trust; belief in the powers, trustworthiness, or reliability of a person or thing or certitude; assurance. 

Confidence is not something that is achieved overnight. 

Arnold in School. Photo credit unknown. 

Think of Arnold Schwarzenegger as a kid. He was skinny. He did not have the muscles that would one day make him famous. He had chicken legs and big ears. It wasn't until he began exercising and focusing on muscle development that things for him began to change. 

So how do we develop real confidence- the kind that is not found in us, but that relies on who God is in us and what He will do for us? 

                                   We fail. 

Not what you wanted to hear, I know, but until we realize we cannot do everything on our own, we won’t truly understand why we need God in the first place. 

If you are a parent you understand this. When your child is learning to walk, they fall, they scrap their knees: they fail. Your child figures out he cannot walk on his own yet. So your tiny little one holds onto your finger or sits in a walker. This builds their confidence. It brings them balance. We, God’s children, are no different. 

Proverbs 3:5 The Message (MSG) 

5-12 Trust God from the bottom of your heart; don’t try to figure out everything on your own. Listen for God's voice in everything you do, everywhere you go; he's the one who will keep you on track. Don't assume that you know it all. Run to God! Run from evil! Your body will glow with health; your very bones will vibrate with life! Honor God with everything you own; give him the first and the best. Your barns will burst. Your wine vats will brim over. But don't, dear friend, resent God's discipline; don't sulk under his loving correction. It's the child he loves that God corrects; a father's delight is behind all this. 

When we are humbled then we look to God for His answers and His way, which are better than our ways and ideas. 

“There is a way that seems right to man, but in the end, that way leads to death” Proverbs 14:12 

The Benefits of Confidence in God 

When we have confidence and trust in God, we free ourselves from anxiety and worry. These things are the opposite of faith. They cripple our relationships and stunt our growth, but if anxiety and worry are staples in your life, then other things like fear and lack, bitterness and envy are probably some of the things you deal with too. I know I do. 

Simple trust breaks the power of worry. Confidence in God to provide, to fight on your behalf, to give you direction, to bring you peace and a fruitful end, this is what God wants for you. 

God doesn't “need” you to have confidence in Him to exist. God is. What God wants is your trust because it helps you. It makes your life easier. It changes your circumstances. When we allow the Spirit of God to dwell in our everyday and we rely on Him, then we can rest and prosper. 

Isaiah 32:16-18 New Living Translation (NLT) 
16 Justice will rule in the wilderness and righteousness in the fertile field. 17 And this righteousness will bring peace. Yes, it will bring quietness and confidence forever. 18 My people will live in safety, quietly at home. They will be at rest. 

Jeremiah 17:7-8 says: “But blessed are those who trust in the LORD and have made the LORD their hope and confidence. They are like trees planted along a riverbank, with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green, and they never stop producing fruit.” 

Reflection 

What is one way you can rely on the Lord today and begin trusting Him like never before? How do you build your confidence? 

How to Discover Your Purpose No Matter the Season

My daughter Sarah Beth

She is so young, only sixteen.

She thinks she has the world figured out.

My heart is heavy because I know how much she still has to learn. She is my daughter and I love her.

I want what is best for her. I have dreams and plans for her: a close personal relationship with God, college, a healthy and happy marriage, a successful art career and so much more, but it is her life, and she has to want the same things.

I by no means think it is my job is to micro-manage my children, but the Bible says “train up a child in the way they should go”. I have a desire to send her out into the world with her purpose firmly before her. That, above all is my desire: that she know what she was meant to do.

When we understand that God has plans for us, that we have a purpose, we are more focused, more patient and more effective.


More Focused-

Jeremiah 29:11 says God does have plans for you. They are plans full of peace and hope for a future. Plans to prosper you and not harm you.

In the book of Esther a young woman has been plucked out of her life, and placed in the palace. Here she becomes a wife, a queen, and a hero to the Nation of Israel. When she faced the reality that her life was not as important as the life of God’s people, she knew she was placed in the palace for a reason: “for such a time as this.”

God not only protected Esther, through her He delivered an entire nation from being destroyed.

More Patient-

Isaiah 40:31:

“But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint.”


When we know that God has a plan we can rest. We can pull into a “spiritual gas station” and refill our tanks. We can keep going when circumstances would tell anyone else to stop. Because we know God is taking us toward our destination, we can relinquish control and soar in the wind. We can ride on the current above the storm clouds.

When things don’t seem to go according to our plans, we know that as long as we are in His plan, (His good, acceptable and perfect plans) we are okay.

Romans 8:28:

“And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose”

Seasons come and go in life. When we surrender to the God who makes the seasons, who made the stars and is writing our story, then we can be assured He will be faithful to complete the work He started.

More Effective-

Esther 4:15-16:

“Then Esther bade them return Mordecai this answer, Go, gather together all the Jews that are present in Shushan, and fast ye for me, and neither eat nor drink three days, night or day: I also and my maidens will fast likewise; and so will I go in unto the king, which is not according to the law: and if I perish, I perish.”

Circumstances cannot sway us when we know what God’s purpose for us is. Esther’s uncle told her the choice to obey or not was hers. He knew that if Esther chose not to obey, that God would deliver His children, but her life might be cut short because of her disobedience. She was born for “Such a time as this”.

Knowing who we are and why we are where we are, whether the circumstances are good or bad, is the crux of being effective. This discernment will allow you to see ways to overcome circumstance, to effect change and to become influential in ways you never would have been before.

Daniel had endured captivity. He had served faithfully a pagan king while never compromising his faith. Now Daniel’s faithfulness brings him before a king once more. When he read the writing on the wall he discerned the time. He saw what God wanted from him and he acted on it without fear. Though that king died that night, Daniel still found favor with the new king, Darius, because he never altered who he was and pursued his purpose no matter what.

Still not sure what your purpose is? That is okay. Just know this: God knows. His ultimate plan is the redemption of man. His individual plans for us may vary, but they will always be in line with His ultimate plan. Trust Him and remember this:

Matthew 6:33:

“But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Serve God where you are, no matter the season, and you will be in His will for your life.

Question: How can you be more effective where you are right now? 

Turn Down that Noise!

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I am loud. Megaphone Loud! 

Ask anyone that knows me. I don’t need a microphone to talk to an audience of less than fifty.

I once got asked how much I got paid to be the laugh track for the church I attended, because during a service, if the pastor was funny, I was sure to laugh: so loudly it would end up on the recording of the message. 

(For the record I never got paid, though perhaps I should look into that as a viable option of income generation since I am unemployed….LOL) 

So if you have been around me for any length of time, chances are you have told me to shush or heard someone else say shush to me. It is like I have a volume control knob that is broken. If I get excited, the volume goes up. If I get upset, the volume goes up. 

In some ways I have harnessed the volume. For the longest time I was a “yeller” when I disciplined my kids, and that never really got me anywhere with them. 

The noise was like a wall, with them on one side and me on the other: going nowhere, banging our heads and our hearts until we were bruised from the effort. Yelling kept me from parenting my kids and it kept them from hearing me. 

One day, instead of yelling, I began whispering to them when I was angry. It made my kids stand still, shocked, and riveted to every word. Because I was quieter, they had to listen with purpose to what I had to say. I continue to do it now, and they are teens. 

Once I was sharing this with a friend who was having some issues with her daughter, and my oldest, Sarah, happened to be with us. She shared with this mother the reason it worked so well, 

“When mom stopped yelling, she started hearing us and we began to see her. It scared me at first, because it was so different, but now I am used to it.” 

Does this mean my kids always listen to me? Not at all: they are kids after all! But this is taught me something about God and about me. 

I will never be an understated, low-key kind of person. God did not make me that way. I can however, be quiet. I can be still. God has been talking to me for a long time. He is talking to you too. He talks in whispers, but so often we are so noisy we cannot hear what He is saying! 

Noise causes miss-communication, mishearing, or even worse, no communication and no hearing. Noise has even been used as a weapon, and a form of torture. The noise of life, the pressures of work, and the stress of raising a family, all of this can be noise. 

Your own voice, like mine, can be noise. What happens if we turn down the volume of all of that, and listened for God? What would we hear? What would change? 

So I am turning down the volume of my life for the next two days. I am fasting my words. 

No talking, no singing, no noise from my mouth from today until Sunday morning, when I wake. When I want to yell and scream, as I am sure I probably will - I do after all have two teens in this house - I will pray. I will read the Word, and I will get by myself and listen with purpose to God. 

If you know me, you know this is going to be a challenge. I am up for it. 

I know God will use this time to unclog my ears and my heart. I want to be still, amazed at what I hear, riveted to every word. 

Jesus said his sheep know his voice. God said be still and know I am God. Jesus said, he that has an ear, let him hear what God is saying. 

So I am closing my mouth and praying that as God speaks I will hear Him. 

Question: Have you ever done a non-traditional fast before? If so, what did you learn? 

Be blessed and be a blessing and remember that listen is a verb.