No More Lies Part 5: "Shoulder Meet Chip"

Can I be Honest Here? 

This series is not the most comfortable to write. This is the half way mark in the ten part series and at this moment I do not know if I am going to make it all the way through. 

Writing these posts means I have to get really honest really fast and then let go of myself and let God do a new, and sometime uncomfortable pruning in me. In front of all of you. 

I have stared at this screen for the better part of ten minutes not knowing how to say what I need to say. 

Bandaid...just rip...it off!  

Lie #5 (it is a 2 part-er) 

"If people don't like me it is their problem. (flip the coin) If people don't like me it is my problem." 

I have struggled since childhood with this. I wanted to be liked, even loved, by everyone. Rejection (especially after my parent's divorce) was intolerable to me. I learned quickly (albeit wrongly) that if I immediately rejected someone who did not like me then it diminished  the effect of their original rejection of me. 

In reality it still hurt. It still made me question who I was, and ask "What was wrong with me"? Over the years I became calloused and hard. I began to expect the rejection before it would come. This hardness became integrated into my personality. 

I was a fighter, a survivor and no one was going to knock me down. Shoulder meet chip.  

Until little by little I realized that this behavior did not make me stronger, but instead it kept me a victim. 

Then I read this and it hit me in a visceral way: 

"I am not trying to please people. I want to please God. Do you think I am trying to please people? If I were doing that, I would not be a servant of Christ." Galatians 1:10 (CEV)

I Won't Win Any Popularity Contests

I am supposed to count it a blessing when people hate me for the gospel's sake.  But sadly, that is not the kind of rejection I have felt and dealt with the most in my life. 

I have dealt with the kind that says other people don't "get" me. I was rejected because I was too loud, too poor, too smart, too something. Or perhaps I was rejected because I wasn't enough, I didn't measure up, or I did not fit in.... 

Regardless the wounds that these rejection caused have been sore spots I have not been too willing for God to deal with. Every time they were poked I withdrew more and more. 

I did it with kids in school, and I did it with my parents. This fear of rejection and need to be accepted has hijacked my life, and robbed me of too much! 

I realize now that by doing this I let the enemy win. I give up the race and quit before I get to the finish line. I hand my life over to someone who would rather see me dead than happy and emotionally healthy. That is the kind of enemy we have. By doing this I was doubting the very character of God. 

But We Serve a BIG God! 

God loves. God gives. God heals. These are the things he does because they are his very character. God is not a man that he can lie.  

So when Jesus said "Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy-laden and overburdened, and I will cause you to rest. [I will [a]ease and relieve and [b]refresh [c]your souls.]" Matthew 11:28 (AMP) I have to believe him!

I chose now, in this moment to believe him. 

I have been burdened and weighed down too long with the fear of rejection, with the need to be liked. I will not lie to myself anymore. I will not say "it is their problem" or "it is my problem" any more because I am giving it to Jesus. He is my counselor, my advocate, my healer, my savior and I trust in him. 

I will let the living water wash me like so many tears and I will be made new, loved, and COMPLETELY ACCEPTED by a God who paid the ultimate price for me to know him. I will bask in his love and wade in his grace and walk in his sufficiency. 

My Prayer

Father, I know you see my heart. It is bruised. It has been broken. Lord forgive me for not trusting you with my deepest pain. I offer it now. I trust you. I am counting on you in a way I never have before and I know you will surprise me yet again with your goodness. Heal my hurts Father. Teach me what I need to learn from them. I want to be truly free. Free in every way. I believe in you. Your promises are yes, and your promises are amen. Thank you for your faithfulness Lord. Amen. 

Join the Conversation: 

How do you deal with rejection? 

No More Lies: Part 3 "Bad Parent!"

Graphic: Dayna Bickham/Creative Commons License 

"If my kids have problems, I am a bad parent!" 

This lie is one of the most hideous we face as people, because if Satan can destroy our family unity he can win our kids.

I have struggled with this lie since I popped out the first child. Every ear infection I worried that someone would catch on to what a bad parent I was and take my kid.

When Sarah had a seizure in my arms I was bombarded with feelings of guilt. "If you were a better mom you would have seen the signs sooner" and "this is your genetics and there is nothing you can do about it" were just a few of the horrible thoughts that I battled.

Now, my kids are healthy (no more seizures thank you Jesus!) but the issues they have are more difficult to handle.

When my kids were little I did not live for Jesus. I was out in the world living a life the way I wanted to: my life was full of poor choices and bad attitudes. Though I had grown up in church, they have not, because I was too busy thinking life was all about me (another lie) they missed out on the type of parenting they deserved.

Now when I see the fruit of those early years my heart breaks.

The lies begin again. 

So I stop and remember they do not belong to me. To believe they are MY kids is a lie. They belong to God.

They are on loan to me for a season. Where I fall short, God has grace. One of the hardest things for me to do is lay my kids on the alter and then walk away.

I do not know how Abraham did it. No wonder his obedience was counted as such great faith.

When they mess up, and they do, and they will, I have to trust that God can still reach them: His arms are not too short. God can still sustain them, His grace is still sufficient.

I have to seek God, ask for wisdom and trust that even if my kids run from God, He will chase them until He finds them. 

I have to remind myself that God has a plan and a purpose for them and that what Satan has stole God can and will redeem. I have to be like Abraham. I have to trust.

My Prayer

Father, forgive me for not always doing my best. I have fallen short when it comes to raising, loving, training and teaching my kids about you. I know You are faithful. I know you can redeem the time, you can call all men's (girls') hearts to you and I ask Lord that you reach out and touch my kids' hearts now. Father help me to trust. Help me to believe you rather than a lie. Help me to remember that You are in control!
Father I ask that you minister to the ones who read this. The ones who have their own struggles with parenting and who are battling lies right now. Give them strength and wisdom. Father teach me to discern what is best for my kids. Show me how to love like you do. I thank you and bless your Holy name. Amen.

Join the Conversation

What kinds of struggles do you have as a parent?



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No More Lies: Part Two: The Leap of Faith

Photo Credit Creative Commons: Edited by Dayna Bickham

The Leap of Faith

I am standing on the edge of a cliff: it looks too far, and it looks too wide. There is no reason to take the leap here. Perhaps there is another way....an easier way...a way that guarantees success.  Maybe there is a way that does not produce so much fear.... 

So I walk away. I give up. I don't even try. 

Meet lie number two: Sometimes not trying is better than trying and failing. 

For the longest time this was a mantra for me. Then I realized this is victim mentality and I am not a victim in this life. 

I am an overcomer, and as a child of God I am more than a conqueror in Christ. 

So why do I seem to chicken out at the "big" stuff? Why do the "next" things in my life give me pause? 

Because I am human. So are you. So was Joshua. 

Building Courage

Joshua was the protegee of Moses for a very long time. He had heard the promises of God for a new land. He had also been a spy and seen what lay in the land God had for them.   

When Moses died the task of leading a nation was up to him. In Joshua 1 God told Joshua twice "Be strong and of good courage".  Then the people of Israel told him they too believed in him as a leader and encouraged him to "be strong and of good courage". 

Sometimes we need to hear things more than once in order to "get it". God knows how stiff necked and hard headed I can be. But when we do "get it" big things can happen! 

For Joshua, he became so courageous and full of trust in God's ability to see him through anything that he went to battle against five kings at once. At his words (prayer) to God, God made the sun and moon to stand still until the battle was ended and the victory belonged to the children of Israel. 

It is Okay to be Weak

It is a good thing to need help. If we aren't small enough, how will people see the bigness of God? If we are weak, then He is strong. We have to remember that we are vessels for God's glory. How else will He shine through unless we are "cracked pots"? 

Our job is not to get the impossible done, but to rely on the One who made the universe to make the impossible happen and to give Him the glory for it. 

So when it comes time to stand on the edge of the cliff and take a leap of faith, we know this: there is glory in the leaping. Not in the success or the failure. God is the one that gets the glory one way or the other, because if we succeed it was because of Him, and if we fail, He catches us and teaches us what we need for future success. He has us and our futures in his hands. Under His wings will I trust.  

When we fail, we cannot let ourselves become bogged down with condemnation. We must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again. Not in our own power, but fully trusting in God, because He has made a way when there seems to be no way. 

He is the perfect One in this relationship. If something does not go right, that is not "on" God - that is on us or the enemy. Yet, no matter the situation, there is something to learn and in all things we can be grateful that God is in control and still chose us to begin with. 

"I Knew What I Was Getting Into"

God knew the deal He was making when He chose me. He knew I was weak and broken and He loved me and wanted me anyway. This means I can trust Him with anything because He can see the end from the beginning. He has a plan. His choice of me means my victory in Him. That is the love God has for you and I

I have a video I want you to watch. It is really a song, with the lyrics written out. It is a spontaneous song created in a moment of worship. It is from God to us. I hope you hear the heart of our Father toward His children. Only then can we stop believing the lies and start trusting in Him. 

Join the Conversation

What is one thing you have always wanted to try, but haven't, because you were afraid to try and fail?