Send in the Clowns: An Act of Recovery

Photo by Dayna Bickham

My Pity Party

Just over a week ago I sat on a fountain, sharing my story with a new friend in the heart of Antigua, Guatemala.

This mission trip was a long time coming, and God had sent me on the most circuitous route to get there, but there I was.

Doubting.

I doubted myself, I doubted God, I doubted my call, I doubted my abilities, and I doubted my heart.

Doubt sucks the life out of you. It steals your joy. Sitting on that fountain, I was completely self-absorbed and focused on myself.

Totally not where God wanted my focus - at all.

I was supposed to be listening for His voice and looking through His eyes. To see the heart of the Father, we have to look for His children. Since I was not looking, God decided to send in the clowns.

Ladies and Gentlemen....

The sound of this cry "señoras y señores, hoy en día para su entretenimiento, artistas de rendimiento impecable", which means "ladies and gentlemen, today for your entertainment, artists of impeccable achievement" caught my attention and brought my self-absorbed story telling to a halt.

Soon, I saw the bright shining and very made-up faces of three beautiful children. They began to act out a slap stick play full of comedic timing and over 400 lines of dialog. The oldest "clown" was about nine. The little fellow pictured here was about five, and the other was about seven.

They were amazing artists, full of passion and purpose. They were creative and focused. They came to entertain and entertain they did.

I gave them a few dollars. I took a few pictures. I thought that was all. But then, as they faded into the crowd, and my mind began to focus again on myself, I heard God whisper.

You are.... 

I had wondered why I was there. I had wondered if I was qualified. God reminded me that 13 months ago my heart cried out to Him because I wanted to help other missionaries. His answer was to give me the idea for this blog. I did not understand it then. I thought that a small blog in a remote corner of the world wide web would reach a few people, but did not fathom the fullness of God's plan.

In the last year, He had groomed me and moved me and yes, even set me up, to be in Antigua at that moment, and had I not spent the last year learning to write and seeking out people like Jeff Goins, I would have never learned of the opportunity to go to Guatemala. I would have been on my couch in Texas watching the 49ers lose the Super Bowl.

Instead He whispered "You are a missionary." 

My heart began to recover a dream in that moment. One I thought I had lost with time and bad choices years ago. I am a missionary.

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8

 When We Don't "Get It"

God is in the business of redemption. He redeems us, our dreams, even the time. I did not understand 13 months ago how a blog was an answer to a prayer "Lord, help me to give more to missions." I did not know that the pain and the struggles of sharing my thoughts and prayers and devotions with you would lead me back to a dream that I had as a young girl. To be honest, I had forgotten I had the dream...until that moment in Antigua.  

God excavates what life buries and He reclaims us for His purpose...even when we doubt. 

So if you find yourself in the middle of a journey, and you can't quite see the destination, don't worry. Trust God. He is working all things together for your good and His glory. 

Join the Conversation

What thing has God redeemed for you?

Subscribe

If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

Subscribe to our newsletter