Send in the Clowns: An Act of Recovery

Photo by Dayna Bickham

My Pity Party

Just over a week ago I sat on a fountain, sharing my story with a new friend in the heart of Antigua, Guatemala.

This mission trip was a long time coming, and God had sent me on the most circuitous route to get there, but there I was.

Doubting.

I doubted myself, I doubted God, I doubted my call, I doubted my abilities, and I doubted my heart.

Doubt sucks the life out of you. It steals your joy. Sitting on that fountain, I was completely self-absorbed and focused on myself.

Totally not where God wanted my focus - at all.

I was supposed to be listening for His voice and looking through His eyes. To see the heart of the Father, we have to look for His children. Since I was not looking, God decided to send in the clowns.

Ladies and Gentlemen....

The sound of this cry "señoras y señores, hoy en día para su entretenimiento, artistas de rendimiento impecable", which means "ladies and gentlemen, today for your entertainment, artists of impeccable achievement" caught my attention and brought my self-absorbed story telling to a halt.

Soon, I saw the bright shining and very made-up faces of three beautiful children. They began to act out a slap stick play full of comedic timing and over 400 lines of dialog. The oldest "clown" was about nine. The little fellow pictured here was about five, and the other was about seven.

They were amazing artists, full of passion and purpose. They were creative and focused. They came to entertain and entertain they did.

I gave them a few dollars. I took a few pictures. I thought that was all. But then, as they faded into the crowd, and my mind began to focus again on myself, I heard God whisper.

You are.... 

I had wondered why I was there. I had wondered if I was qualified. God reminded me that 13 months ago my heart cried out to Him because I wanted to help other missionaries. His answer was to give me the idea for this blog. I did not understand it then. I thought that a small blog in a remote corner of the world wide web would reach a few people, but did not fathom the fullness of God's plan.

In the last year, He had groomed me and moved me and yes, even set me up, to be in Antigua at that moment, and had I not spent the last year learning to write and seeking out people like Jeff Goins, I would have never learned of the opportunity to go to Guatemala. I would have been on my couch in Texas watching the 49ers lose the Super Bowl.

Instead He whispered "You are a missionary." 

My heart began to recover a dream in that moment. One I thought I had lost with time and bad choices years ago. I am a missionary.

"Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying, Whom shall I send, and who will go for us? Then said I, Here am I; send me." Isaiah 6:8

 When We Don't "Get It"

God is in the business of redemption. He redeems us, our dreams, even the time. I did not understand 13 months ago how a blog was an answer to a prayer "Lord, help me to give more to missions." I did not know that the pain and the struggles of sharing my thoughts and prayers and devotions with you would lead me back to a dream that I had as a young girl. To be honest, I had forgotten I had the dream...until that moment in Antigua.  

God excavates what life buries and He reclaims us for His purpose...even when we doubt. 

So if you find yourself in the middle of a journey, and you can't quite see the destination, don't worry. Trust God. He is working all things together for your good and His glory. 

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What thing has God redeemed for you?

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How I Turned Failure into Success

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

I Felt Like a Failure 

I loved my job. Then I lost it all. 

I worked as a program director for a local charity, facilitated international travel for medical missions’ trips, wrote grant proposals and spoke to the public on a regular basis about our mission. 

When I was laid off four years ago, I thought I would be able to find another job immediately. After all, I was successful at what I did. I was a “people person” and I had great skills. 

Then a year passed and another and another. 

Adrift

Slowly I became adrift in the unemployment pool and found myself waiting to be picked. I was waiting for a phone call that never came. 

My bills piled up and life kept happening. My kids still got sick and my husband desperately needed dental work done. I had no insurance and no money. I began to have a personal pity party on a pretty regular basis. What did that look like? Well, my faith in myself began to waiver and I began saying things like “Why do things never seem to work out for us?” 

The Danger of Self-Pity 

Words have power. Michael Hyatt just wrote about it and said, “My vocabulary impacts my attitude. Words have power. They impact others, of course, but they can also have an impact on us.” 

The danger of using words that place us as the victim is we become victims. 

Buffeted by every wind and wave of life, we no longer focus on navigating through the ocean of circumstances toward our goals. Instead, we drift along, taking on more and more water until we drown in the self-pity. 

We are more Than! 

In Romans it says “we are more than conquerors through him that loved us.” 

We are more than our circumstances, we are more than our skills, we are more than our jobs, and we are more than conquerors! 

Your purpose is not wrapped up in what you do as a career. It is focused on following the plan of God for your life. That may or may not be found in the job you do from 9 to 5, but it is there to be found. 

God has a Plan for YOU! 

“I know the plans I have in mind for you, declares the Lord; they are plans for peace, not disaster, to give you a future filled with hope. When you call me and come and pray to me, I will listen to you. When you search for me, yes, search for me with all your heart, you will find me.” Jeremiah 29:11-13 (CEB)

If I had not lost that job I never would have had the privilege of starting this blog. If I had not pressed into God and surrendered to Him, this idea would have never been downloaded into me. 

Now I get asked to write for others, and to read books before they even come out. I am meeting authors and publishers. I am growing exponentially. I have no idea where this may take me exactly, but I know I am in God’s plan for my life. 

I had to change the way I looked at my circumstances and I had to change my attitude. I changed my attitude by changing my words. Then, my life began to change, for the better. It can for you too! 

More than Platitudes 

There is no more Pity Party. There is a Purpose Party! 

Do not waiver. 

Do not give up. 

Press into God and press on! 

There is purpose in the bad as much as there is purpose in the good. 

Let go of the past and let God download something new into you! 

These are not just platitudes, they are Purpose Driven Attitudes! Let them propel you into your next success! 

Question: Do you struggle with negativity? Leave your answer and comments below.