NO MORE LIES Part 10: Stop the 'Lie' Cycle

Today is the last installment in this Ten-Part series "No More Lies" and I think it is the biggest lie yet. 

Lie 10: I don't lie. 

Whether in small ways or big ones I have battled with lying my whole life. After all, we live in a broken world whose prince is the father of all lies. 

When I was a kid, if I feared consequence, I lied. If I wanted attention, I lied. If I was ashamed of myself or someone else, I lied. If I forgot my homework, I lied. If I wanted something, I lied. 

My competitive nature did not help this tendency. 

At twelve I was a gangling girl who'd rather play sports than with dolls. One day, at softball practice, I got caught in a lie. I do not know where this lie came from, or why I told such an extravagant or obvious lie, but I did. The other girls were whining about how bad they had it and I had to one up them. So I opened my mouth and out popped a lie so bad I am a little ashamed to tell you. 

I said "My dad was so mad at me once he chased me around the kitchen with a knife." 

NEVER HAPPENED. 

But, I thought it had a sense of flare and was sufficient to be the most dramatic thing said that day. In other words, I topped all the other stories those girls were telling and that meant I had won.  

Except I hadn't. 

When my dad came to pick me up from practice he was surrounded by well-intentioned and extremely concerned parents. As he should of been if what I had said was true... but it wasn't. The shame he must of felt for being lied about was probably completely overshadowed by his righteous anger....or at least I imagine that is how he felt. As a parent myself now, I think that is the least of how I would feel. 

That is the kind of stuff I pulled as a kid. As an adult, those kinds of "whoppers" became less of a problem and were replaced by something more sinister. The little insidious lies that became part of my lore, my "back story" and then those horrible little lies I told myself. 

"It won't matter if you eat this whole bag of chips, you are an adult. You can do what you want." or "What right does your husband have to tell you what to do? You are a grown woman." 

Lies like these mask themselves as "independence" and "individuality", but they are dangerous. When I choose these lies over truth I am choosing death over life. 

Choose Life

"This day I call the heavens and the earth as witnesses against you that I have set before you life and death, blessings and curses. Now choose life, so that you and your children may live and that you may love the Lord your God, listen to his voice, and hold fast to him. For the Lord is your life, and he will give you many years in the land he swore to give to your fathers, Abraham, Isaac and Jacob." Deuteronomy 30-19-20 

I may not be a child of Israel, but I am a child of God, and God never changes. His character and very nature is love and truth. When I lie I am counteracting the very nature of God, which He put on the inside of me when I accepted Christ. 

So how do we stop this cycle? 

The answer is in those verses above. 

1) WE CHOOSE - this is harder than it sounds, but obviously it can be done, or we would not have received free will in the first place. God has always given us the choice. He has always wanted us to choose Him, because He is life. 

2)  LOVE GOD - this means taking the time to get to know Him and spending time lavishing your love on Him. Spend time in prayer and worship. Spend time reading the Word. We are blessed unlike the generations before Christ in that we have the Spirit of God dwelling in us. This allows us to know God like never before. By communing with God we love him, but more so we love Him by loving others and sharing His love. 

3) LISTEN TO HIS VOICE- I just touched on this, but it needs to be said again. THE SAME SPIRIT THAT RAISED CHRIST FROM THE DEAD DWELLS IN YOU. There is nothing that you cannot face because the very Spirit of God dwells in you. Life and truth are in your spiritual DNA now. By choosing to listen to the voice of God, we stop listening to the lies of the enemy and the lies we tell ourselves. We become free from them and dependent on God. This is what is called a "Mystery" because in Christ real freedom means complete dependence and surrender to God. 

4) HOLD FAST- The world will bombard you. The enemy will try and shake you. Hold fast. Hold fast the profession of your faith. Stand tall knowing that God is your Father. He is faithful. His love never fails. God may not remove you from your circumstances, but He will give you the strength to get through them. This is  one way to bring God the glory: by doing the hard thing and taking it on the chin in faith.  Knowing that God has our lives in His hands, we can trust and hold fast against any storm or fiery dart that is flung our way. 

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True Confessions Time: I came clean about one of my lies. What about you? What lie have you told you want to "come clean" about right now? Tell us your story in the comments below.  

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If you liked this you may like the rest of the series. Here are the links for the other posts: 

The Truth is Out There

"Control Freak" 

"The Leap of Faith" 

"Bad Parent"

"Good Christian" 

"Shoulder Meet Chip"

"Good Wifey"

"I'm a Nobody"

"What do You Say?"

No More Lies Part 9: "What do you say?"

Lie #9:  I am grateful...enough

When my kids were small I would always ask them this question after they received a gift: "Now, what do you say?" 

The answer of course was "Thank you." 

We expect gratitude when we give gifts, but are we very grateful as a people? 

'Tis the Season....

This season is all about being grateful. Yet, when I think about it, I feel I fall short. 

I have so much to be grateful for yet I find myself complaining about the stupidest things. 

The internet is slow....I complain. 

I have a book get published, and sales are slow...I complain. 

My kids have attitudes about cleaning their rooms...I complain. My husband forgot to take the trash out....I complain. 

Instead I should be grateful that I have internet...it is the way I minister and talk with you. I should be grateful I have a published work, and let God give the increase....

My kids and husband are definitely something to be grateful for and I should show them and God that on a regular basis. 

I fall short...so short.

Gratitude is Paramount to Our Relationship With God

First God is our Source. Psalms says " For You are my hope; O Lord God, You are my trust from my youth and the source of my confidence." 

In God we find our supply. "But my God shall supply all your need according to his riches in glory by Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 

If we are not grateful we displace God in our lives. If all we do is ask ask ask and never thank thank thank then we make God equal to Walmart or Santa Clause. 

He gives to us because he loves us. (John 3:16) 

This is why the word says "Enter into his gates with thanksgiving, and into his courts with praise: be thankful unto him, and bless his name." Psalms 100:4

When the people of Israel were not grateful God called them "stiff-necked". Lord, please forgive me if I have been stiff-necked. 

When Paul began the closing of his letter to the church in the book of Colossians he says this: 

"Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts." Colossians 3:16

My Prayer

Father let me always have a song of gratitude in my heart. Forgive me for believing the lie that I am grateful enough. Soften my heart and may thanksgiving always be on my lips. Let this scripture be my life...

"That I may publish with the voice of thanksgiving, and tell of all thy wondrous works." Psalms 26:7

I thank you for your faithfulness to me and your love and mercy. Thank you for everything that you have so richly bestowed on me and mine and help me Lord to never forget your goodness. 

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What are you grateful for? Leave your comment below. 

 

No More Lies: Part 8: "I'm a Nobody"

The Life of a Creative

You may have noticed I have written a book. This undertaking was a big deal for me. Nerve racking only begins to cover the whole process. If you are creative, you may understand what this is like. The moments before you "ship" your creation are exciting. 

The anticipation builds and the nerves do too. Then there is the moment you "reveal" your great work to the world. Will people "get" it? Will people "get" you? 

Then, you begin to doubt. You doubt yourself, your ability, your calling, and your talent. That no-man's land between shipping your work and people consuming (buying) your work wreaks havoc on your confidence. 

In comes lie #8: "I'm no one special, so who would listen/read/watch me?" 

Counteracting the Lie

This lie is hideous. If we believe it, creative person or not, then we run the risk of denying our value. The value of any one thing (or person) is not in what someone charges for it, but in what someone is willing to pay for it. God paid the ultimate price. He laid all of creation, the very universe, on the line and gave his only son (John 3:16) to save us. Our value was that high. 

So I must believe I am who God says I am.  

• Psalms 139:14 says I am "fearfully and wonderfully made"

• Genesis 1:26 says I am created in the image of God

• Deuteronomy 28:13 says I am the "head and not the tail" 

• 2 Corinthians 5:21 (AMP) says I am the "righteousness of God in Christ"

• Luke 4:18 says I am called to preach, lay hands on the sick, and set the captive free

• Matthew 21:21 says I will be able to do what Christ did and more

O Wretched Worm That I Am... 

There is a part of me that remembers that verse in Matthew 19 that says "there is none good but God" and I am immediately down on myself again. But, and this is something we would do well to remember, the enemy knows the Bible too. He will always lie with a bit of the truth mixed in. 

Tricky little demon. 

The whole passage is about God being holy and our lack of goodness to meet him unless we give up ourselves and follow Jesus. 

When I know this I can become free from the lie "I am not valuable".

The thing that gives me value was the price God paid (his son's sacrifice) and the Holy Spirit living on the inside of me. 

The same Spirit that hovered over the face of the earth to create (Genesis 1:2) now lives on the inside of me. Creating newness and inspiring me to create too. He is the One who brings life (1 Peter 3:18 and John 16: 12-14) and He is the One who calls to the deepest parts of me.(1 Corinthians 2:10) He knows me like no one else. He sees enough value in me to choose me to dwell in. (1 Corinthians 6:19)

My Prayer

Father, forgive me for believing a lie. Help me become rooted and grounded in your truth. I am special, because I am yours. You are my Father, I am your child. You have called me out of darkness and into the light. Let your light shine on all the ugly parts of me that cling to the darkness: the lies that keep me held back from fully experiencing the life you called me to. Father I believe, now help my unbelief. Strengthen me and make me sure of you. I place my trust in you. In Jesus Name, the name above all names, in whom we have VICTORY this very day, Amen. 

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No More Lies Part 6 & 7: "Good Wifey"

I have been married 18 years and sometimes I still don't get it... 

I still don't get that I am not the band-aid  The fixer: the solution to all his problems. 

Meet lie #6 in my life: If my husband is not happy, I should "fix" it. 

The flip side of this is lie #7: If my husband is unhappy, then it is his problem. 

I have been at one extreme or the other several times in our marriage. I've had many opportunities to swing like a pendulum between them. The problem is that lie #6 goes back to being a control freak and lie #7 leaves no room for compassion or partnership. 

I married a soft-spoken, laid back guy. Opposites do attract! 

The problem with that is sometimes I need a firm hand. Not that I believe a man should lord over a wife, but I do believe a man is the spiritual head of a family and any relationship you enter into, even friendships, should make you sharper, not duller. So a marriage should make you stronger, and make you more capable of facing life. It should not be a "ball and chain", but should free you to really begin to flourish into the person you were made to be. 

"And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken." Ecclesiastes 4:12 KJV

 What I mean is I need someone to bounce ideas off of who isn't afraid to tell me no. I need someone who reminds me of the call of God on my life when I am discouraged or upset. I need someone that reminds me that anger may be a legitimate emotion, but acting in anger is not a good course of action. Between my husband and the Holy Spirit, I have the best teammates for life I could possibly have.

Likewise, I am to be the same for my husband. After all, this is not the Dayna Show. I should be someone who he can trust with his secrets, laugh with, cry with, pray with, and stand with against any storm.

When my husband, (who battled depression for years) had to be hospitalized for depression  ten years ago, I went into "fix it" mode. I wanted to do everything I could to make him happy. Until I realized his joy is not my responsibility. His happiness, or lack of it, is temporary and joy is a spiritual fruit. I was not the one in control of that....he was. This was a freeing thought, but a scary one too.

If I could not "fix" him then that means I might have to live with his humanity. I might have to walk in grace more. I would have to love him the way he was. That was scary, because no matter how much a girl hears "you can't fix a man" we all to some degree believe we can.

Now what? 

Now that I know it is not my job to "fix" him, I have to be careful not to become callous to his emotional needs in an effort to not live lie #6. If I am too stand-offish, then I run the risk of making him feel alone and isolated. Then I begin to live lie #7.... 

The old saying is "If Momma ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!" but honestly, if Daddy ain't happy, Momma won't be happy either. I have to live with intent when it comes to my marriage, after all, a strong marriage is the foundation to a strong family. If Randy and I are in sync, then it is easier for our family to be in sync. 

Here are three things I think are important and will help me balance my life with my husband: 

1. Communication - I am a talker, but not a great listener. I can work on listening to him when he expresses his thoughts/emotions about things/situations in our life. 

2. Prayer - We need to pray together. This time with each other and God helps build unity. This will help eliminate any confusion down the track about what direction we are headed or how to get there. 

3. Create Moments of Intimacy- I am not talking just sex, though that is very important. (For a great blog on that check here)  I am talking about conveying my love and honor of him in his particular love language. For him, that is quality time and words of affirmation. I want to make sure he feels loved and fueled. 

My Prayer 

Father, help me to be a better wife. A wife who loves completely, with Christ-like grace and mercy and who lives with intention when it comes to my marriage. Help me be patient. Help me remember that you are in control, and let me have a good and Godly attitude toward the man you have given me. In the name of Jesus, Amen. 

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No More Lies: Part 4: "Good Christian"

"Being a 'good' Christian means I should be 'doing' more." 

Somehow, from almost the beginning of Christianity, the pressure to "do" things to prove we are Christians has been an issue. If Christian life has two extremes, then the other side would be to "do" nothing and believe that 1) everything happens regardless of what man does or does not do (then how does free will fit in?) and 2) grace covers everything and there is no "doing", there is only "being" (we are, after all, human).  

The problem with this conundrum is there is a little truth in all of it, but my mind leans more to the "doing" because (if you will recall) I am a control freak. 

The Bible says: 

"For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of yourselves: it is the gift of God." Ephesians 2:8 KJV

AND....

"But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?" James 2:20 NKJV

Where is the Balance? 

I know that my time with my Father compels me to change. (That means I do things differently than I have done them before)

I know that the Word of God has some instructions I must follow to live a righteous life. Love God, love people, do your part can sum up what I believe and try to live by. 

I have to remember that this life is not a contest. I am not competing with anyone for salvation. It is a free gift. The mentality that I now have to work to stay saved is a dangerous one. We should strive to please our heavenly Father, not out of fear, but out of love for Him. 

Here are three ways I can live a balanced life of doing and (human) being. 

One: I can do this through obedience. Obedience (of the heart, not just works) is better than sacrifice. 

I can JOYFULLY obey in these areas: 

• Take care of the widows and the orphans 
• Lay hands on the sick
• Give and Live unto Jesus (unto the least of these)
• Serve Where I Am (hand to the plow)  

Two: I can follow the HEART of the law and not just the LETTER of the law. Remember the rich young ruler who came to Jesus? He wanted to know what more he could do to insure his salvation. (Matthew 19:16-29) 

Jesus told him to sell his stuff. Not because we must be poor to serve Jesus, but because we must be willing to lay everything down and follow him! 

Three: I can allow God's grace to sustain me (it is enough) while I let His holiness change me.

"Therefore if any person is [ingrafted] in Christ (the Messiah) he is a new creation (a new creature altogether); the old [previous moral and spiritual condition] has passed away. Behold, the fresh and new has come!" 2 Corinthians 5:17 (AMP) 

The lie is not so much about "doing" more as it is about the condemnation I feel. This is brought on by the enemy. He is the father of all lies! I can instead, live out my purpose and passion as I stick to following God's law with a joyful heart. 

It is not about how much I do or do not do, but how much I obey or do not obey. It is about how much I love and live out loud. I am not ashamed of who I am, and I am not ashamed of whose I am. I belong to the Father, and in Him I live, and breathe, and have my "being". There is so much freedom in Him that I can now live my "doing" in Him too. 

When I started this series I knew it would reveal a lot more about me than I was probably comfortable with, but I also knew that I had to work on these things. I cannot believe the lies anymore! You can't either! God made you, called you, saved you, and now He wants to use you. We cannot be effective if we still stumble over the lies of the enemy. 

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No More Lies: Part 3 "Bad Parent!"

Graphic: Dayna Bickham/Creative Commons License 

"If my kids have problems, I am a bad parent!" 

This lie is one of the most hideous we face as people, because if Satan can destroy our family unity he can win our kids.

I have struggled with this lie since I popped out the first child. Every ear infection I worried that someone would catch on to what a bad parent I was and take my kid.

When Sarah had a seizure in my arms I was bombarded with feelings of guilt. "If you were a better mom you would have seen the signs sooner" and "this is your genetics and there is nothing you can do about it" were just a few of the horrible thoughts that I battled.

Now, my kids are healthy (no more seizures thank you Jesus!) but the issues they have are more difficult to handle.

When my kids were little I did not live for Jesus. I was out in the world living a life the way I wanted to: my life was full of poor choices and bad attitudes. Though I had grown up in church, they have not, because I was too busy thinking life was all about me (another lie) they missed out on the type of parenting they deserved.

Now when I see the fruit of those early years my heart breaks.

The lies begin again. 

So I stop and remember they do not belong to me. To believe they are MY kids is a lie. They belong to God.

They are on loan to me for a season. Where I fall short, God has grace. One of the hardest things for me to do is lay my kids on the alter and then walk away.

I do not know how Abraham did it. No wonder his obedience was counted as such great faith.

When they mess up, and they do, and they will, I have to trust that God can still reach them: His arms are not too short. God can still sustain them, His grace is still sufficient.

I have to seek God, ask for wisdom and trust that even if my kids run from God, He will chase them until He finds them. 

I have to remind myself that God has a plan and a purpose for them and that what Satan has stole God can and will redeem. I have to be like Abraham. I have to trust.

My Prayer

Father, forgive me for not always doing my best. I have fallen short when it comes to raising, loving, training and teaching my kids about you. I know You are faithful. I know you can redeem the time, you can call all men's (girls') hearts to you and I ask Lord that you reach out and touch my kids' hearts now. Father help me to trust. Help me to believe you rather than a lie. Help me to remember that You are in control!
Father I ask that you minister to the ones who read this. The ones who have their own struggles with parenting and who are battling lies right now. Give them strength and wisdom. Father teach me to discern what is best for my kids. Show me how to love like you do. I thank you and bless your Holy name. Amen.

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No More Lies: Part Two: The Leap of Faith

Photo Credit Creative Commons: Edited by Dayna Bickham

The Leap of Faith

I am standing on the edge of a cliff: it looks too far, and it looks too wide. There is no reason to take the leap here. Perhaps there is another way....an easier way...a way that guarantees success.  Maybe there is a way that does not produce so much fear.... 

So I walk away. I give up. I don't even try. 

Meet lie number two: Sometimes not trying is better than trying and failing. 

For the longest time this was a mantra for me. Then I realized this is victim mentality and I am not a victim in this life. 

I am an overcomer, and as a child of God I am more than a conqueror in Christ. 

So why do I seem to chicken out at the "big" stuff? Why do the "next" things in my life give me pause? 

Because I am human. So are you. So was Joshua. 

Building Courage

Joshua was the protegee of Moses for a very long time. He had heard the promises of God for a new land. He had also been a spy and seen what lay in the land God had for them.   

When Moses died the task of leading a nation was up to him. In Joshua 1 God told Joshua twice "Be strong and of good courage".  Then the people of Israel told him they too believed in him as a leader and encouraged him to "be strong and of good courage". 

Sometimes we need to hear things more than once in order to "get it". God knows how stiff necked and hard headed I can be. But when we do "get it" big things can happen! 

For Joshua, he became so courageous and full of trust in God's ability to see him through anything that he went to battle against five kings at once. At his words (prayer) to God, God made the sun and moon to stand still until the battle was ended and the victory belonged to the children of Israel. 

It is Okay to be Weak

It is a good thing to need help. If we aren't small enough, how will people see the bigness of God? If we are weak, then He is strong. We have to remember that we are vessels for God's glory. How else will He shine through unless we are "cracked pots"? 

Our job is not to get the impossible done, but to rely on the One who made the universe to make the impossible happen and to give Him the glory for it. 

So when it comes time to stand on the edge of the cliff and take a leap of faith, we know this: there is glory in the leaping. Not in the success or the failure. God is the one that gets the glory one way or the other, because if we succeed it was because of Him, and if we fail, He catches us and teaches us what we need for future success. He has us and our futures in his hands. Under His wings will I trust.  

When we fail, we cannot let ourselves become bogged down with condemnation. We must pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and try again. Not in our own power, but fully trusting in God, because He has made a way when there seems to be no way. 

He is the perfect One in this relationship. If something does not go right, that is not "on" God - that is on us or the enemy. Yet, no matter the situation, there is something to learn and in all things we can be grateful that God is in control and still chose us to begin with. 

"I Knew What I Was Getting Into"

God knew the deal He was making when He chose me. He knew I was weak and broken and He loved me and wanted me anyway. This means I can trust Him with anything because He can see the end from the beginning. He has a plan. His choice of me means my victory in Him. That is the love God has for you and I

I have a video I want you to watch. It is really a song, with the lyrics written out. It is a spontaneous song created in a moment of worship. It is from God to us. I hope you hear the heart of our Father toward His children. Only then can we stop believing the lies and start trusting in Him. 

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What is one thing you have always wanted to try, but haven't, because you were afraid to try and fail? 

No More Lies: Part One "Control Freak"

Graphic by Dayna Bickham: Creative Commons

Lie Number One

I have left this lie alone too long. It's sat there, alone and unattended. It has become absorbed into my psyche and now I have to get rid of it. 

It's origins are from the garden of Eden itself. The ultimate rebellion against God. 

"I am in control." 

As a kid I bucked my parents. I wrestled away as much control from them as I could. I thought other peoples' fear of me gave me control. All it did was alienate my family from me. 

As an adult I bucked against pastors, bosses, and co-workers. As a wife I  manipulated and threw fits to get my way just to make this lie true. It only caused pain and emotional separation from my husband. 

This is all to serve the lie that I am in control. 

The truth is I was bought with a price. I am no longer my own. I have been created to be used by God, and that takes complete surrender. 

The truth is I am NOT in control. I have surrendered. When my will rises up, I have to repent. This is nothing but pride and pride is sin. 

"Do not love or cherish the world or the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world—the lust of the flesh [craving for sensual gratification] and the lust of the eyes [greedy longings of the mind] and the pride of life [assurance in one’s own resources or in the stability of earthly things]—these do not come from the Father but are from the world [itself]. And the world passes away and disappears, and with it the forbidden cravings (the passionate desires, the lust) of it; but he who does the will of God and carries out His purposes in his life abides (remains) forever." 1 John 2:15-17 AMP

The world is temporary. The things of this life are fleeting. I have to remember that moment to moment. The lie "I am in control" only causes worry and anxiety when my world is not perfect-- and my world is never perfect. 

I will not live my life rebelling against God anymore. I will submit to His ways, because they are perfect.  

Easier Said than Done

I won't kid myself. This will be harder than it sounds. It all comes down to this: I must decrease, so He can increase. 

I have to kill my flesh. 

"And He said to all, If any person wills to come after Me, let him deny himself [[a]disown himself,[b]forget, lose sight of himself and his own interests,[c]refuse and give up himself] and take up his cross daily and follow Me [[d]cleave steadfastly to Me, conform wholly to My example in living and, if need be, in dying also]." Luke 9:23 AMP

There are three things I can do to remove the lie "I am in control" from my life. 

1. I can surrender. - I do not see the big picture, but God does. I have limited vision, He has a vision for me. 
2. I can bend.- As a sculptor I know what unyielding clay feels like. It is hard and cold. I will put myself in the hands of the Master Potter and let His love warm me and make me soft. I will let His grace and mercy shape me. 
3. I can trust.- This life is all about faith. I will trust and have faith that the One who made me, Called me and Saved me, has a way for me. I will lean on Him even when I do not understand, and I remember that my finite way of looking at the world is never going to be enough. 

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What about you? Do you struggle with this lie? Are you like me: a control freak? Share your comments and thoughts below. 

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