Friends Through Thick and Thin

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Are your relationship ready to go through thick and thin or mediocre and thin? 

Think about that.

 Mediocre and thin. 

As we have explored friendship in the last few weeks, we have looked at ways to Be a Better Friend and what characteristics we look for in friends. What about the quality of the friendships you already have? 

Greater love hath no man than this that a man lay down his life for his friends. John 15:13  

What does laying aside and laying down our lives look like? What does it mean to give above and beyond ourselves to others? The Bible says to prefer others above ourselves. 

What Does A Quality Relationship Look Like?

There are three things a quality relationship will do. 

1. A quality relationship adds to us: it is not about the "take, take, take", but the give and bless. It gives emotionally, physically and spiritually. 

2. A quality relationship is not stressful. Save the drama for your mama! It should be easy to hang with your friends and being yourself should be natural. If you feel on eggshells all the time, something is wrong! 

3. A quality relationship is secure. There are moments in every relationship when people disagree. A quality relationship allows room for peaceful disagreement and swift resolution to problems. 

In The Message Ephesians 4:3 says this: “…but steadily, pouring yourselves out for each other in acts of love, alert at noticing differences and quick at mending fences.” 

These kinds of people add value to our lives. They are not full of drama and angst, but are strong, secure and giving. 

We should be a good friend to others as well.

“A man that hath friends must show himself friendly, and there is a friend that sticks closer than a brother” Proverbs 18:24

Life is not all about what you can get, but what you can give. If you want relationships that last, ones with real meaning and bolster you in times of trouble, then you need to be a good friend. 

Examine your relationships. Are they one-sided? Do some things need to change? What can you do to make them better? By examining our friendships we can build relationships that will last through the thick and the thin. 

No more mediocre relationships for me. What about you? 

Are you a good friend? 

Share your comments below.

How to be a Better Friend in 3 Steps

"Conversations" by Jason Schukltz Photo Creative Commons

Conversations in my life often inspire me. 

I was telling a couple of my friends I need a tee-shirt that says “Disclaimer: This conversation may be used later on my blog”. 

They laughed. Somewhat nervously. 

Nothing is Sacred

Life is about more than just our ministries or work, but sometimes I find myself looking around with one thought in mind: “How can I glean something here for the blog?” Since this blog is my ministry, it can become pretty all consuming. In the first days of MySpace and Facebook, this was a problem for some people too. Perhaps it still is for a few people. There is no filter on what people share on the internet these days. Nothing is sacred or private anymore. 

Take me for instance. My life is filled with fodder for the blog. I have 2 teenage girls who constantly do strange and wacky stuff I could turn into writing gold if I did not care about how they felt. I have considered it once or twice, but so far have abstained. I mean really- they have done some really funny stuff- it would be so easy. 

Then there are the ups and downs with friends, the ins and outs of marriage, and my life as a daughter-in-law whose mother-in-law lives two rooms over. Yet, I cannot take advantage of these relationships by constantly looking for antidotes for a blog. 

I cannot take advantage. 

I do not want to be that person. The one people have to be careful what they say or how they say it because they don’t want it on the internet for the world to see. I want to be the mother and the wife. I need to be the friend that anyone can talk to and that people feel safe with. 

I need to be this way because my peer to peer relationships are more important than written words on a page. I never want to be labeled as a “User”. 

Our friends and family should always feel like they got more poured into them than was taken out. This is what I strive for every time I am with other people. I do not always live up to this standard, but I try nonetheless. 

Be a Better Friend

You may not be a writer, but the principle is the same. It is, after all, more blessed to give than receive. 

Here are three steps to becoming a better friend. 

Step 1) Give- your time, your attention, your love, your service, your goods, and yes, sometimes your money. Give (not loan) to others without the expectation of receiving anything in return. When we hold out our hands to give and someone is blessed by that gift, then our hands and our hearts are open to receive. This is just how it works. 

Step 2) Leave them better than you found them. Speak into their lives with love and purpose. Always point the way back to Jesus. Do not worry whether they hear it all the time, but always speak the truth in love. 

Step 3) Communicate honestly. Transparency is paramount. When you make a mistake, own up to it. They will respect you more if you admit to being flawed. It also helps if Jesus is shining brighter than you. (That way we can see more of Him through the cracks in your pot) 

With these three things in mind, your peer to peer relationships will be more fruitful and satisfying and if by chance you get a funny story to tell along the way, then all the better to blog with…right? I kid, I kid. 

What do you look for in a friend?




 I always love to find new blogs. You can look for one by clicking on this icon! Have fun! 

3 Best Parenting Tips EVER!

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Parenting is Rough! 

There are moms that swear the terrible twos are the most hairy years of their parenting lives. There are some that swear pre-pubescence is the nightmare that they struggled to get through. For me, it is the teen years. 

As a mom of two teenage girls, I find everyday seems to be as challenging as the day before, sometimes in similar ways and sometimes in totally unexpected ways. I have two very head strong and heart soft girls and sometimes walking that fine line between training and breaking is difficult. 

Training versus Breaking

“Train up a child in the way he should go: and when he is old, he will not depart from it.” Proverbs 22:6 

When you train something or someone, you teach by repetition, you lead by example and you reward with positive feedback. 

When you break something or someone (of a bad habit, like a horse is broken, as in curb the will) then you run the risk of breaking their spirit too. 

The rod and correction lead to wisdom, but children out of control shame their mothers. Proverbs 29:15

As a kid I bucked that kind of parenting for a long time, yet as an adult I was that kind of parent. To be perfectly honest at times when things get particularly rough, I still tend to fall back into this kind of parenting. (Though my children are too old for a spanking, they are never too old to lose an iPod, or a phone, or some other privilege). 

[Caveat: Tempered spanking (controlled patterned structured discipline) is not bad. Not all spanking is beating, but all beating IS wrong! You have to be careful here, but this is not a post on physical discipline.]

Our jobs as parents are multifaceted, but for the purposes of this post I want to focus on these two things: relationship and character. 

Relationship

There are four types of relationships parents must teach their children about. 

1. Relationship with God – this is the most valuable thing we can help our children establish. We will never be the perfect parents, but God is the perfect Father. Knowing who we were meant to be before we do, meeting our needs before we know we need them, and providing a way to be forever in in His presence, God is the ultimate Dad.

2. Relationships with authority- As parents we are the first teachers, police, judge, and boss that our children will ever have. We must teach them to respect authority not because it is the “way things are” but because serving and honoring those who serve is one of the highest forms of respect we can give.

3. Relationship with peers – As parents we teach our children to share, to be kind, to love, to serve, to treat others as we want to be treated. These social skills will serve our children the rest of their lives and create stronger character in them.

4. Relationship with spouse – As parents we will model to our children what healthy (hopefully) relationships with a spouse look like. That each person serves the other out of love and respect, not out of duty or fear. This relationship will teach your young men how to treat women and your young women how to love well.

Character

Someone once told me “You are either raising a child with character or you are raising a character.” 

I don’t know about you, but I want the first one. Though only time will tell, right? The proof is, after all, in the proverbial pudding. 

Character is essential to keeping your child on track to having a fulfilled life as an adult. Let’s look at three traits of a person of good character that can set your child on the right path. 

1. Honesty- with themselves, with God and with man. If a person is honest, there is little room for miscommunication, ego, or arrogance. Honest people see themselves for who they are, flawed, (in need of a God) and deal with people in a straight forward manner that builds trust with those in authority and their peers.

2. Humility- Raising a child who is humble is an amazing gift to that child. When we are truly humble, God promotes us. When we are prideful and arrogant then we face obstacles that by their very nature will hamper and dampen that pride. Pride makes life hard. People appreciate humility and set themselves against prideful people.

3. Love- Now abides faith, hope and love, the greatest of these is love. (1 Cor 13:13) Love will enable your child to show kindness when most people would show disdain. Love will be patient when others are tapping their foot and watching the clock. Love will serve others before themselves. Love will curb greed, overcome hate, and strengthen relationships. Love is not just for our spouses and children. Love is a character trait we should show the man who is holding the sign “will work for food” or the slightly smelly woman sitting next to you in church. Love is for the stranger at work sitting across the negotiating table and for the starving child Africa. If you cannot teach your child honesty or humility at least teach them love.

I by no means have it right all the time. I have been both the really bad parent, who used fear and yelling as a whip to bring my children “into line” and the good mom that realized that she better live by example and show some humility and walk in love with her kids. 

Right now I have a child who at every turn pushes boundaries, verbalizes her discontent, and thinks she knows better than mom and dad. I have another who is well on her way to following her sister's attitudinal footsteps. 

So I put on a happy face and parent them even when I don't like them. (I am being honest here) 

This is my joy as a mother of teenagers, though at times the tears make the smiling look a little creepy. Just sayin'. 

(Insert "uncomfortable" laugh here)

Of course, as I post this, my girls are off to camp, and par the course for this mommy, I cried seeing them off. No matter what I am my kids' mom and I love them beyond measure. 

The bottom line is this: no matter how hard you think the moment is, how upset you are that your child just doesn't “get it”, (and there will be plenty of these moments) keep your eye on the goal. 

I just have to remind myself of the three best parenting tips of all:  

1. Pray

2. Breathe

3.Repeat

Train your kids to love God, and to walk in love toward others and you will teach them the greatest two laws ever given by God. 

“The most important one says: ‘People of Israel, you have only one Lord and God. You must love him with all your heart, soul, mind, and strength.’ The second most important commandment says: ‘Love others as much as you love yourself.’ No other commandment is more important than these.”

Do you have any parenting tips you want to share?

A Mom Moment: The Pre-Graduation Meltdown

She is graduating! 

I am a little freaked out right now. 

In less than four days, my 16 year old daughter will be graduating early. 

She has earned it; she has worked hard to overcome a learning disability and done four years of high school in one year. By the end of today she should have all her course work done. 

I am proud of her, but I am also a little overwhelmed with the idea that my life is about to change as I know it. 

She is my baby. I remember bringing her home from the hospital and the 2:00 am feedings. Now she is nearly grown and has accomplished so much. She has such a bright future ahead of her. 

This is one of those moments. You know the ones: that moment when I will forever look at her differently and things change forever. 

My role as a mom will be changing in the next few years as well. I will begin the process of letting go. 

I am not sure how to do that. 

I was a horrible mother to her in the beginning. I was demanding, borderline abusive, and mean. It took counseling, prayer, and a lot of love and work to win my daughter. I say win because I had lost her through bad parenting and had to reclaim her as mine and earn a relationship back with her- all in 16 short years. 

Now I cling to the prize fiercely. I was given Sarah by God, and now I must begin to let her go, just a little, and trust God that He has her and knows what is best for her. 

She is only 16. Life is just beginning for her, I am just glad she still needs her mom- at least, for a while. 

This is just one of those moments, and I want to remember it forever. 

Have you had a moment you want to remember forever? Share it with us in the comments below.