The Value of an Apology

"Humility" by Will Felix 

I Hate Apologizing 

Even when I know I was wrong, and an apology should be offered, my body has a visceral reaction to the act of  saying "I'm sorry, please forgive me".

My pulse quickens. My face flushes. My palms sweat. My stomach ties up in knots.

It is not a pretty sight.

Recently I said something in jest.

It was not an offensive thing, and it was not a harsh thing. Most days, I would laugh at my wit and move on. Yet, this time I couldn't. This time my Dad was telling me to apologize.

You see, words have power. They hang in the air and in people's minds when they think of you. I have a tendency to think I am funny. God was reminding me that sometimes (most times) my thinkin' is stinkin'!

So I had to write an apology email. One to my pastor and one to my mentor, both of whom were present when I made my little quip. It does not matter if I get a response. It does not matter if they forgive me. What does matter is I obeyed my Father, and secondly, I learned a small bit of humility.

Why We Hate to Say "I'm Sorry" 

The short answer is pride. 

Who really wants to be told they are wrong, much less admit it voluntarily? Not anyone I have ever met. 

We will miss the mark, make a mistake or just be plain wrong sometimes: this is part of what it means to be human. So, humility brings our pride down a  notch and lets us be vulnerable in the moment. It may not feel good, but there are benefits. 

We Get it Wrong - Again 

We confuse humility with humiliation. One is a good and Godly quality to have, and one is embarrassing and shameful. If we humble ourselves then humiliation never comes. It is only when we are continuously prideful that humiliation comes. 

God's word says "Pride ends in humiliation, while humility brings honor." Proverbs 29:23 

I do not know about you, but I think a heartfelt and quick apology (as much as I hate to do so) is better than being called to the carpet later about the same thing you could have apologized for in the first place.

Better to be humble now than humiliated later. TWEET THAT

The Benefits of Getting it Right

There are three key benefits to humility (or meekness). People who are humble: 

• live happier lives. (Psalms 22:26, Read about it in TIME Magazine Online) 
• are honored. (Luke 14:11) 
• live longer lives. (Proverbs 22:4) 

People who are humble make better bosses and employees. People who are humble divorce less, and live longer. People who are humble are kinder than other people and give more selflessly. 

These are all amazing things to have in life. But if we seek humility for the things humility can get us later, we are missing the point. Living as a more humble person allows us to be pliable before God. 

God longs to mold us into His image. 

Humility puts us in the position we need to be, bowed before our Father, as He chisels out the rough places and sculpts us into the work of art He designed us to be from the very beginning. 

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Do you find it easy or difficult to apologize? 

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True Confessions of a Christian Blogger

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Let's Get Real

In the moments when I feel undone, when I am at the end of my self and feel unable to give anything else, I learn that God’s grace is truly sufficient.

By writing almost every day I have learned more of what I do believe and what I have yet to learn. I have reached the end of “me” many times since starting this blog. Every time that has happened, God has honored His word, and His grace was enough.

Writing is not glamorous. Sometimes, it isn’t even fun. Yet, when I do not write I feel like I have missed something; like dreaming you have no pants on at work, which is just weird.

The last nine months have stretched me like never before. I have worried about comma splices and I have worried about hacking up the Word. I have worked out my faith in front of you and I have struggled. I have shown you the world’s most unflattering picture of myself on this blog and I have been raw and open about my past and about my present.

Soon the year will be up. I have only a few more months to share with you and I wonder if I should continue doing this beyond that time.

I have written about marriage issues in the church, how to set priorities, finding your purpose, following your dreams, and my everyday foibles. Some posts have gotten wonderful responses, and some things have barely registered.

I have never “gone viral” but I have typed away while battling a virus. I have gotten up at five a.m. and I have prayed over this endeavor many times.

Now, I am sick of “I”.

How do I write stories that are effective? How do I reach more people? Should I keep doing more of the same or should I stop when the year is up?

When I read Jon Acuff’s Quitter I burned from within to get to the “next” thing. Then I read You are a Writer by Jeff Goins and I knew I am a writer, and this is what I was called to do. Next came Michael Hyatt and Platform. I began to focus on building an audience, on gathering a following, on publishing my name.

I am sorry. 

I am not enough. I never was and never will be. I am not the solution to any problem; I am not some all-knowing swami, and I am not some big time minister: I am just me, Dayna.

I struggle with my temper and my kids have their own set of issues and rebellions. I struggle with maintaining friendships and over the course of the last nine months I feel like I have turned into a whiney baby. You have been there through it all. Thanks for that.

If you have gotten anything out of this blog, and I hope you have, I want you to know, it has very little to do with me and everything to do with my Father.

He gave me a gift. I have struggled to use it correctly. He has given me favor where I deserved none. He has given me ideas when my mind was bogged down by emotional clutter.

Ultimately, He will be the one that says keep going forward or stop. For now, we have three more months together, and I will keep plugging away to bring you content that hopefully speaks to you.

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The Post That Almost Wasn't

What a day and a night! I first want to apologize that life got so busy, I missed posting. My youngest daughter is having health issues and we spent the night in an Emergency Room for 14 hours over night into today and I had not reception on my phone to get online. I am so sorry.

The bad news, my girl did not get a lot of relief from her pain. The good news is, that horribly long night is over.

Paul had nights like this. That may have seemed unfruitful. Stuck in a prison cell. Locked in a dungeon. But one thing Paul never did was let his circumstances hold him back from praising the Lord.

At midnight, he sang. His praise shook the very foundations and the chains literally fell away from him, and spiritually and physically fell away from those around him. 

Last night I experienced a small portion of that. A close friend had joined me in my ER vigil and in that desperate, cold, and oppressive waiting room, I began to sing "Revelation Song", and not timidly, but with authority and boldness.

"HOLY HOLY HOLY IS THE LORD GOD ALMIGHTY, WHO WAS AND IS AND IS TO COME. WITH ALL CREATION I SING PRAISE TO THE KING OF KINGS, YOU ARE MY EVERYTHING AND I WILL ADORE YOU."

She said to me later, "The very atmosphere changed." The oppressive desperation began to lift and quiet and calm came into the room. Babies who had been fussy with pain and exhaustion began to settle and I began to feel God's presence in the room.

I am so thankful that He is with us! No matter the circumstances He reminds me that He is there, comforting, protecting, and healing. Changing the very circumstances and atmosphere that surround us, God moves on our behalf.

Another song comes to mind, this one by The Parachute Band and their new album Matins and Vespers.

 "I BELIEVE YOUR PROMISES ARE YES AND AMEN, I BELIEVE YOUR PROMISES ARE YES AND AMEN. I KNOW YOU SAID IT ONCE AND I BELIEVED YOU THEN, SO I STILL BELIEVE IT"

So I may be exhausted, and I may be late on posting today, but nothing can dampen my love for my Father, or His love for me. His love is the reason for my praise. I "promise with my lips" (the meaning of the word praise) that I will always sing until the chains fall off.

Please, continue to pray for my daughter, Connie-Lyn as she journeys to discover answers and forgive any typos, run-ons or fragments, since I have not seen sleep in 30  hours.

Be blessed and be a blessing and know that sleep in both a verb and a noun and I will be comatose for a while!