Writing the Next Chapter

Photo Credit:Unknown 

Self-Discovery 101

On my recent mission trip to Guatemala I learned so much about myself. I learned I could walk farther than I thought possible. I learned that sweat, though stinky, can smell like a sweet perfume if it is made in service to the King. 

I also learned that I am able to do what He has called me to do. 

The Rub

Sometimes we know what our purpose is, what our call is, but we do not walk in it. This leads to dissatisfaction and overall unhappiness with life, and sometimes with our relationship with God. At least, I know I have felt this way. 

You see, I knew I was called to "preach beyond the hills" (a personal word I received when I was just sixteen). I knew I wanted to be a missionary since I was about 19, but I thought I had either "missed it" or God had changed His mind about using me since then. After all, a lot had changed for me. 

I got married. I had kids. I had an affair. I did not have a completed degree. I was "just" a blogger. I am overweight. The list goes on.... Jon Acuff says in his best-selling book Quitter "sometimes living your dream is an act of recovery more than of discovery." (sic) 

These things are only part of my story. Not the whole of who I am., or who I was created and called to be. Yet, I let them stand in the way of doing everything God has called me to. 

I am a writer. I know the work there is basically this: butt in chair and type away. This is doing the work of a writer, I am a mother, I know the work there is multifaceted and includes being a chef, taxi service, disciplinarian, loving listener, quality time maker and so much more. I am a wife. I know the work there is being a confidant, a lover, a friend, a cheerleader, a shoulder, etc. 

I walk and function in all of these callings on my life, but neglected the call I heard as a kid.

Sometimes we disqualify ourselves before the game has truly begun. TWEET THAT

The Truth

The truth is I am called. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me so. I am usable, because Romans 8:28 says that God can use anything and everything, even the bad stuff, to bring Himself the glory through us. Ephesians 2:10 says I am His masterpiece called to do good works. Isaiah 55 says God is in covenant with me, and the nations are given unto me. This is the Word of God breathing life into me, and the voice of my Father leading me. 

"And that same Christ gave these gifts to people: He made some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to go and tell the Good News, and some to care for and teach God’s people. Christ gave these gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger.This work must continue until we are all joined together in what we believe and in what we know about the Son of God. Our goal is to become like a full-grown man—to look just like Christ and have all his perfection" Ephesians 4:11-13 

Jeff Goins in his book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life says this: 

"What we have to learn to do is lean into the things that hold is back, to move through the pain and push forward." 

I felt held back, I felt bad about myself, and I felt justified in my excuses.  I was my problem, not any thing else. So when I felt prompted to take a step unlike any other I have ever taken in my life, I knew that I could no longer be held back. I am called to missions and I will serve where I am called. 

I could not stand on the sidelines letting life and my call pass me by any longer. I want what ever mantle God trusts me with and that means I must obey. 

After all, God is the author and finisher of our faith and He is starting the next chapter for me. I want to be on the same page with Him. 

The Next Step

The next step for me was applying as a leader candidate at Adventures in Missions. This group is the one that lead the Wrecked Vision Team to Guatemala. It is doing some amazing work. I have been interviewed and invited to attend candidate training camp in April 2013. I will travel to Georgia and see what God is preparing me for. 

This is a scary, yet beautifully exciting thing for me. 

I cannot do it alone. Here are four ways you can help: 

• Pray for me - as I embark on this great new leg of my journey. 
• Support me - going and doing does cost money. Even Jesus had a ministry account. 
• Like My Page - I have a page on Facebook just for all things missions related. There you can get updates and share encouraging messages.
• Subscribe - to this blog. Updates and stories will come here first and foremost.  

Thank you for all you do to advance the kingdom of God and for me. You are a great group of readers and I would not trade you for anything. 

Join the Conversation: 

What is next for you? 

Wrecked and A Beautiful Mess

I Had Faith...Kind of....

Photo by Stephanie May  copyright 2013

I heard the whisper. That still small voice the Bible talks about. God. So when in my heart He asked will you go, I said...maybe...and if. 

I will be honest, I was scared. I was overwhelmed by the logistics of what a missions trip would mean: to my finances, to my family, and to my heart. I threw out a fleece. I said "If I am supposed to go then..." and filled in the blank with conditions and proposals. 

Since God is faithful, He met the conditions..... and then He went up to the line of my need and stopped. I walked onto a plane to travel to another country with only $80 to my name and my passport. 

Photo by Stephanie May copyright 2013

Stripped Bare

When I got to the hostel, I noticed the razor wire on the fence and walls. I felt God prod my heart and begin to tug on the wire I had wrapped around myself. 

I heard that small voice once more whisper. I began to break. Open. I began to open myself before a God who already knew what was in my heart, He already saw what a mess I was, and He began to to pour into me His heart. He began to wash me clean of my pain so that I could see the pain that needed healing in others all around me. 

"Clara" Photo by Stephanie May copyright 2013

People like Clara, who sat crying, staring into my eyes, holding onto my hand and kissing my arms asking me to pray for her. She suffered dementia and the only clarity I saw in her face was when she called out the name of Jesus. 

Left in an orphanage for old folks, the place was full of men and women who were abandoned by their families. My heart broke. My Father's love poured and I felt His heart for the lonely, the lost, and the forgotten. 

Rehoboth Home for Children in Guatemala Photo Credit: Stephanie May copyright 2013 

I saw joy in the eyes of kids, like this one, who had been saved from a life of abuse and neglect and sent to a place where he thrives in the safety and love of men and women who have hearts after God's own heart. 

"For sure, I tell you, because you did it to one of the least of My brothers, you have done it to Me." Matthew 25:40

Marlon Photo Credit Dayna Bickham copyright 2013 (the date was set wrong on the camera- sorry) 

I heard a story of hardship and hope and people who society devalued became treasure before my very eyes. Marlon scavenged for trash to make a living, but God has planted a dream in him, and He has plans bigger than Marlon's circumstances. 

The Call Confirmed

Me and members of the team look on as kids play. Photo Credit: Katie Axelson copyright 2013

As I experienced these people, the country, the work God was doing I began to hear God calling me out of my comfort zone and into the fray of His calling. 

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord." Luke 4:17-18 KJV

I begin to see that He was calling me to love more freely, to give more deeply and to speak more openly about His love for His children. 

I will never be the same. 

At the end of it all, as I worshiped the Lord with my friends and fellow travelers, the Lord brought forth a beautiful word: "We are beautiful messes". This struck me like a bell tower striking midnight. 

I was a mess, laid open and bare before my God. My spirit stripped bare before Him. He loved me anyway and wanted to use me to show His love to others. 

Others may not "get it" as my friend and fellow traveler Alene Snodgrass writes about today, but I do. I get that the pain and brokenness of the world cries out for answers. I cannot adopt every child I see who needs a home, and I cannot give money to every cause, but where I am, no matter where "there" may be, I can be the hands and the feet of Jesus. 

I can love by feeding the hungry when I see a person in need. I can go an extra mile and walk with someone that just needs to tell their story to someone who will listen. 

I can. 

You can. 

Before this trip, I worried about the hows and the whens of it all. Now, I just long to go again, and love again, and do again: not for the experience of being in another country, but for the chance to show Jesus to the world - one person at a time - to live in the tension - to dive into the fray. 

Won't you go? 

Join the Conversation

Have you ever been "wrecked" by an experience that left you breathless and knowing you will never be the same again? Tell us about it: leave a comment below. 

Wrecked: When God Slams Into My Brokenness

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Meet Holy Spirit Barbie

I hung up the phone with her and tried to quell the panic attack beginning in my mind. 

I had just invited someone I had very little in common with to be my mentor. If I had not felt God tell me to do this, I would wonder if I had gone mad. 

She is like Holy Spirit Barbie. So beautiful and Christ-like you want to play with her, but God is already busy moving her around and blessing her with a "Dream". Or so she sometimes seems to me. 

I know this is not the case...not really, but my skewed opinions of myself projects onto her more value than I give myself and I know this is just one of the things God wants to change through this relationship. 

At this invitation I now will enter the realm of accountability and change. On the surface this sounds honorable and noble and completely benign. In my head my "self" begins to scream one long "Noooooooo!" 

The problem is this new mentoring relationship will begin to peel back the layers of all the things I have held onto most of my life. "My" identity will be exposed and I will have to truly choose to either hold on to the old version of me or welcome the changes that will come. 

Let's Examine This

Unpacking the fear I have, I turn it over and examine it. 

I have been asking God to change me into His image for over a year now. He has been faithful and done so much. Why then, when He prompts me to foster a new relationship that will allow someone I admire speak into my life on a regular basis, do I suddenly want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction? 

I do not fear the result. I want to look more like Jesus. 

I do not fear the time it will take, I have plenty of it.  

I fear the pain. The pain of letting go of the lies I have chosen to believe about myself for years. 

I fear the ugly. The ugly of mid-metamorphosis.... no change from one thing into another is pretty. With this relationship there will be someone there, up close, seeing all those ugly bits of me I have tried to keep hidden. 

Exposed

On my recent trip to Guatemala, God spoke some powerful things, and one of the things He said was this: 

"How long will I have to convince you that you are chosen? Stop it! Stop with the defensive comments and let down the wall you hide behind. Stop it!" 

With those words, spoken through someone I now consider a friend, I wept. I actually bawled....ugly cried...in public.

Immediately after that word, someone else said this: "I feel like God is saying 'Tell her she is my favorite and she can't say anything snarky about it'"  

"Snarky" is how I describe myself. So I knew this was God and when God exposes your mask, it begins to get real....fast! 

I was wrecked by God's love slamming into me and challenging me to let Him have my brokenness.

Obedience is Better than Sacrifice

That night I just soaked it in, or tried to. Some things God lets marinate before He holds you to walking through the Refiner's fire. I thought I was doing better. I thought I had pruned out the snide and snarky comments about myself. 

After I hung up from the conversation with my new mentor, my best friend - who was with me - turned to me and said "This is a good thing. I am glad you are doing this, because while you have been "better" about not putting yourself down as much, you have still done it and that is disobedience." 

Slapped in the face by the Holy Spirit. That stung. 

The truth is this is more than just "changing a bad habit". This is open heart surgery. I could go through the motions and learn to have more decorum, or speak less harshly about myself, but as long as I still think the same way, it would all be just another mask I put on. My heart would be the same. 

God is faithful to finish what He began in Guatemala...of this I am certain. The Word says in Philippians 1:6 (AMP) "And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."

Join the Conversation

Do you have a mentor? 

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If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

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What I Learned From Discomfort

An older man sits alone in a nursing home for abondoned seniors. 

The Journey

There is something about abandoning all you know: your home, your friends, your comforts, your expectations, and hopping on a plane to travel to another country and let God wreck you, let alone. doing it with 20 strangers and a writing guru from Tennessee. 

When I said yes to myself and to God about a missions' trip to Guatemala, I knew God had something for me, but I never imagined the reality of what a trip like this would mean. 

I wrote this on the airplane ride to Guatemala: 

" For me, all I have wanted is to be broken and pliable, yet somehow I always fell short. I've had moments- glimpses of what a life broken open at Jesus' feet looked like, but the perfume of a broken alabaster jar never quite reached my nostrils. 

There are miles and days to go on this trip. The discomforts have been few so far. I know there will be more moments...that grab me, shake me, and dismantle me further. I long for them. Those moments are the raw unadulterated moments which strip away the layers of me and reveal the work God designed me to be in the first place." 

Whispers from God

No one wants to be uncomfortable. We will reach for food, alcohol, drugs, sex, or anything else we can to make "uncomfortable" go away. We live in a society that equates uncomfortable with "bad" and spend our lifetime avoiding it. I hid behind a snarky attitude and self-deprecating humor. I thought these hid my insecurities, but in reality they highlighted them. I was living behind a defensive wall and trying to tell people about freedom in Jesus. No wonder my message was not as effective as it could have been. I was not living it. 

But, discomfort is what rattles around and confronts our defenses.  Discomfort slams into us and begins to open our eyes to the world- to the hurting, the lonely, and the dying. So when God whispered "You are a fly trying to teach people to live like giants" I knew I was in for some discomfort on this Kingdom Journey to Wrecked.... and I knew that everything would change. 

The Moments of Discomfort

You may ask yourself what could happen in three days that can so radically change everything? The answer is not short, and it is not easy. If I told you we roamed a city and asked for the eyes and ears of Jesus, you may think, "and?..." but that simple act started a process similar to a chemical reaction in my heart. I began to see there were people. like me, crying out for something more. Like a kid who studied for the test the night before, I knew the answer, but could not recall much past the A, B, C's of "the answer is Jesus". 

So the team from Adventures in Missions began to set us up for real moments that tested us in ways that I never dreamed. We visited a city dump where over 6,500 plus children lived and where their families eked out a life by digging through mountains of trash and selling what valuables they found there. Society calls them scavengers, and God calls them tresoros, or treasures. There I saw Jesus moving and living.

In the faces of people, God's holiest creation, I saw spirit and worth. 

Then we visited a children's home where kids are recovering from neglect, abuse, even malnurishment and we played soccer, basketball, and blew bubbles. Simple things, but taking the moment to play with these kids reminded us "let the little ones come to me" meant more than a Sunday school story. It was a command. 

We visited other ministries and other places. Places where I saw lonely people neglected and hungry. Places where the physical act of holding a hand and wiping a tear were enough to show the love of Jesus. 

These moments slammed into me. They stripped me bare and left me raw. I questioned God, why am I here, and in the faces of an old man with no teeth and the sweetness of a woman with dementia I found the answer.

I was there to be Jesus- to be his hands and his feet. 

Love Has No Barriers  

My Spanish is abysmal. I understand only a small amount of what is said, and then I still get lost. Yet, love never gets lost in translation. Love does. Love is. Love multiplies. Love lives. Love strips us of our defenses and leaves us standing in the presence of God. 

My life will never be the same. What happens from here out, I do not know, but because of this trip, I now know the complete love of Jesus. I have seen it: in others as they laid hands on infants screaming in pain and loneliness, or as they held a young man with cerebral palsy as he cried in pain and frustration.  

Love has no barriers, and it is the only answer to the discomfort we feel. Love soothes and love acts. Love changes everything. 

Join The Conversation

Have you experienced uncomfortable moments that left you questioning God and yourself? How did you handle them? 

Subscribe

If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the free PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

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The Journey of Promise: My Wrecked Vision Trip Begins

Tomorrow I take off for Guatemala. Photo Credit: Creative Commons

The Time is Now

Tomorrow I will rise at 3:30 in the morning, don my traveling clothes (you should always wear something that hides stains well when you travel and that does not wrinkle) and drive an hour to the nearest airport. Then I will get on a plane, travel across the US and after a couple more planes and hours of air time, I will arrive in Guatemala. 

My journey may culminate tomorrow, but it began long ago. 

The Call

When I was 16, I went to church camp in the hills of Texas. It is beautiful country and our church services were outside. There I experienced God in the most intimate of ways and there I "heard" (not as a physical voice, but a clear direction of the Spirit) God say this: 

"You will preach the gospel beyond these hills." 

Now, over twenty years later, with lots of life (the good and the bad) lived in the in-between, I am going past the hills of Texas to preach the gospel. I may not have much to say, mostly because I do not speak the language, but actions speak louder than words, right? 

I will bring toothpaste and hugs to an orphanage and a children's story to a hospital, and not much else but the love of Jesus via a broad smile and a boisterous laugh. 

Gospel means truth, and the truth is I do not know what is waiting for me on this trip, but my expectation is that God has an experience of a lifetime planned. 

The Promise 

There are a few scriptures that I always seemed to gravitate towards. Jeremiah 29:11, Ephesians 2:10, Romans 8:28 are the main ones. But today, as I hold in my heart the wonder of what God is doing I cannot help but think of this: 

"I will bless the Lord at all times; his praise will always be in my mouth. I praise the Lord— let the suffering listen and rejoice. Magnify the Lord with me! Together let us lift his name up high! I sought the Lord and he answered me. He delivered me from all my fears. Those who look to God will shine; their faces are never ashamed. This suffering person cried out: the Lord listened and saved him from every trouble." Psalms 34: 1-6 CEB

God promises are yes and amen. I know that He has delivered me and He longs to do the same for you and for the people of Guatemala. I am honored and humbled that I get to tell people about Him, His plan for us and His loving kindness to the ones who suffer. 

Join The Conversation

 Here are a few ways you can join with me on this journey: 

• Pray - pray for safety, a move of the Spirit, salvations to take place, provision, and peace and continuity within the Wrecked team

• Read Along - I and many of the people going will be blogging through the trip. Join us by reading along. If you are not subscribed, then join the blog newsletter now so you do not miss anything! 

• Give - The costs are still accruing for this trip, and my goal is still not yet met. If you intended to give and just never got around to it, it is not too late! Give here. 

The Upside to Fear

I still have to pack... Photo Credit: Creative Commons

I am racked with anxiety! 

There are just days before I leave for a missions trip to Guatemala.

I am not prepared.

Forget the packing, the funds, the logistics, this is about my heart.

I feel inadequate to the challenges ahead. Who will I minister to? What do I have to offer? Why would anyone listen to me? I have nothing to give!

Have you ever felt this way?

I remember feeling this way before becoming a mom for the first time. Then again when I was preparing to repeat that feat with the second child.

I remember feeling that way when I sat down to write for this blog the first time and then again before my book was published.

The Upside to Fear

This is not a freeze-in-your-boots-and-let-the-enemy-win kind of fear, but a check in your spirit to remember to be humble. There is a difference. Feeling inadequate to the task can be a good thing. It is our minds and hearts telling us we are not enough on our own.

How do I know? Because even Paul did not think he could handle something, and God said "My grace is sufficient."

"I begged the Lord three times to take this problem away from me. But the Lord said, “My grace is all you need. Only when you are weak can everything be done completely by my power.” So I will gladly boast about my weaknesses. Then Christ’s power can stay in me. Yes, I am glad to have weaknesses if they are for Christ. I am glad to be insulted and have hard times. I am glad when I am persecuted and have problems, because it is when I am weak that I am really strong." 2 Corinthians 12:8-10 ERV

I am not anyone special. I have my own set of issues: I have a short fuse, I am overweight and I bite my nails too often, just to name a few, but God, who is more than able to answer any need, to mend any hurt, and to free anyone, is bigger than my shortcomings and weaknesses. He is more than enough in every situation.

Job, who's life fell apart bit by bit in a matter of hours, refused to doubt the greatness and goodness of God. If he can have faith in the most dire of circumstances, I can trust God as I travel to a country in my own hemisphere.

I may not know what the future holds, but as the old song says, " I know who holds the future!"

"For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope." Jeremiah 29:11 NLT

So when I go and the task seems to great I will remember the words of Peter: "silver and gold have I none, but such as I have give unto thee"!

Join the Conversation: 

Have you ever felt to little for the task? What was your situation like and did you see God's grace in it after it was all done?

Subscribe

If you like what you read here and want to get more great content, then click the "Subscribe to our Newsletter" link below. Fill out that short form and confirm your subscription by checking your email. It is as easy as that! I won't sell your info and I won't spam you. Oh- and I will give you the free PDF version of my children's story "The Gardener and the Sapling" for FREE. You can print it up and read it to your little ones, or share it with someone you love. The message in it is timeless!

Subscribe to our newsletter

Celebrating

Today is my birthday. I am 38. Apparently, it is Jon Acuff's birthday too, though I am a year older. That is kind of cool.

This post won't be a long one. It won't be about much. I just want to tell you that I appreciate you, and as a way to celebrate my birthday I am giving away a FREE Kindle copy of my book, The Purpose of Chosen.  

If you don't have a Kindle, do not fret, you can download a Kindle reader to your computer, tablet, or smart phone. Yep- there's an app for that! 

Also, I am still raising funds to go to Guatemala. I need just $800 more. If you want to donate, be sure to click the widget with my picture to the right. It is safe, secure, and all the funds go to paying for the trip, the airfare to Miami and items that I need for the trip. (Like a backpack, first aid kit, rain gear, etc) 

Your gift would be an amazing birthday present, but would really be more of a sowing into a ministry, so the rewards are greater. 

Today, be sure to love the ones in your life, and spend time with Jesus. He was the first and greatest gift of all. We will be celebrating His birthday soon! 

Be blessed and be a blessing! 

~ Dayna

CAN YOU HELP ME GET WRECKED?

HELP SEND THE GOSPEL AROUND THE WORLD

The Bible is clear: we are supposed to go.

I know I am called to go. To preach the gospel, to love on and minister to the sick, the hurt and the broken.

That is why I am asking for your help.

I have a hard time imagining a world where there is no running water, no doctor, or no school for my child. Maybe you do too. After all, we live pretty blessed lives. But the world is full of places just like that.

The mountains of Guatemala is one of those places. There is a missions trip scheduled in February to go minister to the people there and I would love to go, but I do not have the funds.

This is where you come in.

Matthew 25:34-40 says (ERV) 

“Then the king will say to the godly people on his right, ‘Come, my Father has great blessings for you. The kingdom he promised is now yours. It has been prepared for you since the world was made. It is yours because when I was hungry, you gave me food to eat. When I was thirsty, you gave me something to drink. When I had no place to stay, you welcomed me into your home. When I was without clothes, you gave me something to wear. When I was sick, you cared for me. When I was in prison, you came to visit me.’ Then the godly people will answer, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and give you food? When did we see you thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you with no place to stay and welcome you into our home? When did we see you without clothes and give you something to wear?  When did we see you sick or in prison and care for you?’Then the king will answer, ‘The truth is, anything you did for any of my people here, you also did for me.’

COUNT THE COST (AND COUNT IT ALL JOY) 

I know that this may not be the best time of year to ask for help. I get it. I also know that people frown on giving money to "preachers", but I am not a preacher. I am just an ordinary woman who is trying to make an extraordinary difference in the lives of other ordinary people: people without food, electricity, health care, or hope.

It will cost almost $900 for the trip but I will have to get from Houston to Miami first, so that will add another $400. This is a lot of money for me.

$1,300.00 to be exact!  (See how much has been given already and how far I have to go!) 

But you could help send me there. To make a donation of $10 or more, click this link:

This will make a secure and fast donation directly through Crowd Funding and will help me minister to the people of Guatemala.

If for some reason this trip does not work out (space is limited and may fill up before I raise the funds, I will use the funds for another trip) I am going to travel with Adventures in Missions, so there is always somewhere to go and something to do. Should every thing fall through, the donations can be refunded. Just remember this: 

"Pure and genuine religion in the sight of God the Father means caring for orphans and widows in their distress and refusing to let the world corrupt you." James 1:27 NLT

So please, if you have just three minutes and at least $10 to spare can you give now? Just click the Crowdfunding link now to make your safe, and secure donation now.

If you have questions, feel free to email me at ayearinthespirituallife@hotmail.com.

*** I am not a Charity and do not function as a 501c3. Therefore, your donation is really a gift and not tax deductible. Thank you for sowing into this ministry. ***