Wrecked and A Beautiful Mess

I Had Faith...Kind of....

Photo by Stephanie May  copyright 2013

I heard the whisper. That still small voice the Bible talks about. God. So when in my heart He asked will you go, I said...maybe...and if. 

I will be honest, I was scared. I was overwhelmed by the logistics of what a missions trip would mean: to my finances, to my family, and to my heart. I threw out a fleece. I said "If I am supposed to go then..." and filled in the blank with conditions and proposals. 

Since God is faithful, He met the conditions..... and then He went up to the line of my need and stopped. I walked onto a plane to travel to another country with only $80 to my name and my passport. 

Photo by Stephanie May copyright 2013

Stripped Bare

When I got to the hostel, I noticed the razor wire on the fence and walls. I felt God prod my heart and begin to tug on the wire I had wrapped around myself. 

I heard that small voice once more whisper. I began to break. Open. I began to open myself before a God who already knew what was in my heart, He already saw what a mess I was, and He began to to pour into me His heart. He began to wash me clean of my pain so that I could see the pain that needed healing in others all around me. 

"Clara" Photo by Stephanie May copyright 2013

People like Clara, who sat crying, staring into my eyes, holding onto my hand and kissing my arms asking me to pray for her. She suffered dementia and the only clarity I saw in her face was when she called out the name of Jesus. 

Left in an orphanage for old folks, the place was full of men and women who were abandoned by their families. My heart broke. My Father's love poured and I felt His heart for the lonely, the lost, and the forgotten. 

Rehoboth Home for Children in Guatemala Photo Credit: Stephanie May copyright 2013 

I saw joy in the eyes of kids, like this one, who had been saved from a life of abuse and neglect and sent to a place where he thrives in the safety and love of men and women who have hearts after God's own heart. 

"For sure, I tell you, because you did it to one of the least of My brothers, you have done it to Me." Matthew 25:40

Marlon Photo Credit Dayna Bickham copyright 2013 (the date was set wrong on the camera- sorry) 

I heard a story of hardship and hope and people who society devalued became treasure before my very eyes. Marlon scavenged for trash to make a living, but God has planted a dream in him, and He has plans bigger than Marlon's circumstances. 

The Call Confirmed

Me and members of the team look on as kids play. Photo Credit: Katie Axelson copyright 2013

As I experienced these people, the country, the work God was doing I began to hear God calling me out of my comfort zone and into the fray of His calling. 

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord." Luke 4:17-18 KJV

I begin to see that He was calling me to love more freely, to give more deeply and to speak more openly about His love for His children. 

I will never be the same. 

At the end of it all, as I worshiped the Lord with my friends and fellow travelers, the Lord brought forth a beautiful word: "We are beautiful messes". This struck me like a bell tower striking midnight. 

I was a mess, laid open and bare before my God. My spirit stripped bare before Him. He loved me anyway and wanted to use me to show His love to others. 

Others may not "get it" as my friend and fellow traveler Alene Snodgrass writes about today, but I do. I get that the pain and brokenness of the world cries out for answers. I cannot adopt every child I see who needs a home, and I cannot give money to every cause, but where I am, no matter where "there" may be, I can be the hands and the feet of Jesus. 

I can love by feeding the hungry when I see a person in need. I can go an extra mile and walk with someone that just needs to tell their story to someone who will listen. 

I can. 

You can. 

Before this trip, I worried about the hows and the whens of it all. Now, I just long to go again, and love again, and do again: not for the experience of being in another country, but for the chance to show Jesus to the world - one person at a time - to live in the tension - to dive into the fray. 

Won't you go? 

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Have you ever been "wrecked" by an experience that left you breathless and knowing you will never be the same again? Tell us about it: leave a comment below. 

God's Lullaby: The Value of Rest

Sleeping Lion by Rennet Stowe on Flickr (creative commons)

I Have Been a Slacker

For the better part of this year I have written almost every day. This week I have written almost nothing. Mostly because I am ill. I am pretty sure I caught Mono from my youngest. 

It has left me feeling wiped. Sore, and achy I have had marathons of In Plain Sight on Hulu and naps that would rival the hibernation patterns of bears. I cannot say that I have enjoyed this experience: especially when I developed sores in my mouth that were so painful eating felt like chewing on glass shards. 

I am still battling through, but things seem to be getting better. I am writing this and that is definitely a step in the right direction. I have used the time to rest and that is something I want to talk with you about: rest. 

Ya Snooze Ya Win

Are you really resting? 

I wrote a series once about priorities, and one thing I did not really cover is rest. But rest is important. 

A CNN article states that successful people "do fine with five or six hours of sleep". When I am healthy and on a regular schedule, for me this is mostly true. There are times when I need more or less, but if I go to bed around eleven I am usually able to wake up by five and start my day. 

However, if I am up late I turn into a pumpkin, and the amount of sleep I need seems to grow exponentially. The lesson I apply from this is the pattern of sleep is important too. Getting eight hours may be what you need, but if you are not getting a good pattern of sleep in your life then your body will tell you.  

Now, what does this have to do with our walk with God? Well, rest isn't all about the physical. 

You can sleep 8, 12, even 16 hours and still not be rested. When our spirits are troubled, and our minds are consumed by worry, we do not get the rest we need. 

God Is Singing

“Don’t be afraid. Dear Zion, don’t despair. Your God is present among you, a strong Warrior there to save you. Happy to have you back, he’ll calm you with his love and delight you with his songs." Zephaniah 3:16-18 (The Message) 

When we come to God with our lives, and find rest in Him, he "calms us with His love"  and the King James version says He "sings over us". 

Some of my fondest memories of my girls are the sweet moments of their younger years when I could hold them and rock them to sleep as I sung over them. We are imperfect parents. HE is the perfect Father. He delights over us and sings over us. We can crawl into His arms and rest. 

Even God Rested. 

"And on the seventh day God ended his work which he had made; and he rested on the seventh day from all his work which he had made." Genesis 2:2 

Yep- I went there. I know that these days we work Monday through Friday and Saturdays are filled with football, soccer, gymnastics, and all other kinds of activities our kids do. But one day out of seven should be for rest. Sundays can be busy too, especially if you serve in some capacity, but you still need rest. 

Rest for the body and the spirit allows for us to get still. Practicing stillness is what allows us to hear God. 

"Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth" Psalms 46:10

There once was a prophet named Elijah. He had done some pretty amazing things like call fire from heaven and bring the dead back to life. But even one of the greatest prophets got discouraged and tired.

When Elijah waited on God, when he got still and began to listen for God, then he heard Him. 

"And he said, Go forth, and stand upon the mount before the Lord. And, behold, the Lord passed by, and a great and strong wind rent the mountains, and brake in pieces the rocks before the Lord; but the Lord was not in the wind: and after the wind an earthquake; but the Lord was not in the earthquake:

And after the earthquake a fire; but the Lord was not in the fire: and after the fire a still small voice.

And it was so, when Elijah heard it, that he wrapped his face in his mantle, and went out, and stood in the entering in of the cave. And, behold, there came a voice unto him, and said, What doest thou here, Elijah?" 1 Kings 19:11-13

The Lost Watch 

I once heard this story and I will share it with you. 

Before there were refrigerators there were iceboxes. These boxes were literally filled with pieces of ice so large, they would last for months. Cut from huge frozen winter lakes or icebergs these blocks of ice would be shipped into towns and stored in a large dark building and sold to the townsfolk as they needed them. 

One day after such a shipment, a man who had been off-loading the ice realized sometime during all the work, he had lost his pocket watch. The watch his father had worn and his father before him. This heirloom was precious so the man began to search. He implored other men to help him. They looked until it was too dark to see. Saddened the man prepared to leave. 

Then a young boy, around nine years old said "I'll find your watch" and ventured into the building alone. Sure enough, about two minutes later he came out, pocket watch in hand. 

The men who had looked were perplexed and asked the boy how he found the watch so quickly when they had looked for the better part of an hour. 

He grinned and said, "It was easy. I just laid down on the floor, got still, and closed my eyes. Soon, I heard the tick tick of the watch. I reached out toward the sound, and there it was." 

God  wants us to get still. To listen so intently that we can hear Him. So we can reach out to Him and find Him. He has a song He wants to sing over us. We just need to crawl up into His lap, lay back against Him, breathe in His sweet presence, and rest in His lullaby of love. 

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What was your favorite lullaby as a kid? Did you have a favorite you sang to your kids? 

Overcoming Disappointment and Finding Hope Again

Disappoint means not (dis) settled (appoint) if you break down the etymology of the word.


Disappointment (not being settled) is a hard thing to deal with. If you have anticipated something, like a new job, or a new baby, or a new home, and those things did not come, disappointment is a natural response. The thing we have to be careful of is not to allow disappointment (not being settled) turn into anger toward God or a lack of faith on our part.


Waiting on God in these times is hard. Sometimes we feel all alone.


Even the greatest prophet, Elijah felt alone. He had just splendidly called fire down from heaven, defeated the Baal worshippers and established the sovereignty and holiness of God before the nation and then with a death threat he forgets the faithfulness of God.


How did that happen? How did He go from such a high to such a low so quickly?


Elijah became disappointed the miracle on Carmel did not have more immediate results with the people of Israel. He became self-focused and overwhelmed by fear when Jezebel threatened his life, and he even wanted his life to end. This is more than just disappointment, this was burn out.


Burn out is defined as fatigue, frustration, or apathy resulting from prolonged stress, overwork, or intense activity.


If we are not careful, if we allow disappointment to fester and fear to take over, we end up depressed and unfocused. We become burned out on our works, and in desperate need to get back to the basics with God, which are prayer, worship and reading the word. It happens to the best of us and it often happens after great disappointments.


When we face disappointment we can recognize it, give it to God and allow Him to teach us in that moment, or we switch our focus from God to the circumstances and whine about it, like Elijah did. The former should be our response, but the latter is usually the case.


Thankfully, God is faithful despite our response and He can bring us back around, just as he did with Elijah.


The first thing God for Elijah is he provided for him, even in his desert place. He gave him food, shelter, and water. He teaches us in that moment with Elijah that He is always faithful. He meets our needs and is our sustainer.


Restoration and rest are essential to overcoming burn out and surpassing disappointment.


Resting in God’s provision begins to pull our focus from ourselves and begins to set us back on the path we were meant to be on in the first place. God allowed Elijah to rest and store up His provision, because there was a bigger lesson coming soon.


That second lesson was one I’ve had to learn over and over. God reminds me every time when I take my eyes off of Him, to find Him again. He reminds me to get quiet and focus. God is not in the circumstance: not in the hurricane-like winds, the earthquakes, or in the fire. God is in the quiet, still small voice. The comforter to our soul, He is our buckler and our shield. We have nothing to fear when He is the focus of our lives.


When we stop focusing on the circumstances and focus on hearing what God has to say about the circumstances, then we can move on to the next thing God has for us. Disappointments come, Jesus said in this life we will have trouble, but He also said He had overcome. BE of GOOD CHEER!


Trust in the Lord, and remember His promises are yes and amen. He has planned a future for us, one full of hope and peace. He has promised that He will work things out for our good if we love Him and are called according to His purpose- and we are called!


Jesus talked to the disciples about disappointment. When things do not go the way we plan, we should shake it off like the dust from our feet and move on. Let God deal with the circumstances, let God deal with people’s hearts, Let God deal with our hurts, as we shake off the disappointment like the dust it really is.


We need to get still and let God speak comfort and peace to us. We need to listen for His direction. He will bring us through the flood; he will bring us through the fire.


Let the winds of life blow, let the fire rage, God will raise a standard against it, and if we listen for His voice and follow Him, we will come through.


Lift your eyes to the Lord, where all of your help comes from.


So when you are disappointed, when the hard things of life come, trust that God has a plan, and that plan is designed and tailor made just for you. Trust in the Lord with all your heart, don’t lean on what you know, lean on Him, even in the disappointments. Don’t become burned out from the work and weighed down by the stress of what you have faced. Guard your heart, and listen for His still small voice. He cares for you.


Have you been disappointed before?