Writing the Next Chapter

Photo Credit:Unknown 

Self-Discovery 101

On my recent mission trip to Guatemala I learned so much about myself. I learned I could walk farther than I thought possible. I learned that sweat, though stinky, can smell like a sweet perfume if it is made in service to the King. 

I also learned that I am able to do what He has called me to do. 

The Rub

Sometimes we know what our purpose is, what our call is, but we do not walk in it. This leads to dissatisfaction and overall unhappiness with life, and sometimes with our relationship with God. At least, I know I have felt this way. 

You see, I knew I was called to "preach beyond the hills" (a personal word I received when I was just sixteen). I knew I wanted to be a missionary since I was about 19, but I thought I had either "missed it" or God had changed His mind about using me since then. After all, a lot had changed for me. 

I got married. I had kids. I had an affair. I did not have a completed degree. I was "just" a blogger. I am overweight. The list goes on.... Jon Acuff says in his best-selling book Quitter "sometimes living your dream is an act of recovery more than of discovery." (sic) 

These things are only part of my story. Not the whole of who I am., or who I was created and called to be. Yet, I let them stand in the way of doing everything God has called me to. 

I am a writer. I know the work there is basically this: butt in chair and type away. This is doing the work of a writer, I am a mother, I know the work there is multifaceted and includes being a chef, taxi service, disciplinarian, loving listener, quality time maker and so much more. I am a wife. I know the work there is being a confidant, a lover, a friend, a cheerleader, a shoulder, etc. 

I walk and function in all of these callings on my life, but neglected the call I heard as a kid.

Sometimes we disqualify ourselves before the game has truly begun. TWEET THAT

The Truth

The truth is I am called. Jeremiah 29:11 tells me so. I am usable, because Romans 8:28 says that God can use anything and everything, even the bad stuff, to bring Himself the glory through us. Ephesians 2:10 says I am His masterpiece called to do good works. Isaiah 55 says God is in covenant with me, and the nations are given unto me. This is the Word of God breathing life into me, and the voice of my Father leading me. 

"And that same Christ gave these gifts to people: He made some to be apostles, some to be prophets, some to go and tell the Good News, and some to care for and teach God’s people. Christ gave these gifts to prepare God’s holy people for the work of serving, to make the body of Christ stronger.This work must continue until we are all joined together in what we believe and in what we know about the Son of God. Our goal is to become like a full-grown man—to look just like Christ and have all his perfection" Ephesians 4:11-13 

Jeff Goins in his book Wrecked: When a Broken World Slams Into Your Comfortable Life says this: 

"What we have to learn to do is lean into the things that hold is back, to move through the pain and push forward." 

I felt held back, I felt bad about myself, and I felt justified in my excuses.  I was my problem, not any thing else. So when I felt prompted to take a step unlike any other I have ever taken in my life, I knew that I could no longer be held back. I am called to missions and I will serve where I am called. 

I could not stand on the sidelines letting life and my call pass me by any longer. I want what ever mantle God trusts me with and that means I must obey. 

After all, God is the author and finisher of our faith and He is starting the next chapter for me. I want to be on the same page with Him. 

The Next Step

The next step for me was applying as a leader candidate at Adventures in Missions. This group is the one that lead the Wrecked Vision Team to Guatemala. It is doing some amazing work. I have been interviewed and invited to attend candidate training camp in April 2013. I will travel to Georgia and see what God is preparing me for. 

This is a scary, yet beautifully exciting thing for me. 

I cannot do it alone. Here are four ways you can help: 

• Pray for me - as I embark on this great new leg of my journey. 
• Support me - going and doing does cost money. Even Jesus had a ministry account. 
• Like My Page - I have a page on Facebook just for all things missions related. There you can get updates and share encouraging messages.
• Subscribe - to this blog. Updates and stories will come here first and foremost.  

Thank you for all you do to advance the kingdom of God and for me. You are a great group of readers and I would not trade you for anything. 

Join the Conversation: 

What is next for you? 

Wrecked and A Beautiful Mess

I Had Faith...Kind of....

Photo by Stephanie May  copyright 2013

I heard the whisper. That still small voice the Bible talks about. God. So when in my heart He asked will you go, I said...maybe...and if. 

I will be honest, I was scared. I was overwhelmed by the logistics of what a missions trip would mean: to my finances, to my family, and to my heart. I threw out a fleece. I said "If I am supposed to go then..." and filled in the blank with conditions and proposals. 

Since God is faithful, He met the conditions..... and then He went up to the line of my need and stopped. I walked onto a plane to travel to another country with only $80 to my name and my passport. 

Photo by Stephanie May copyright 2013

Stripped Bare

When I got to the hostel, I noticed the razor wire on the fence and walls. I felt God prod my heart and begin to tug on the wire I had wrapped around myself. 

I heard that small voice once more whisper. I began to break. Open. I began to open myself before a God who already knew what was in my heart, He already saw what a mess I was, and He began to to pour into me His heart. He began to wash me clean of my pain so that I could see the pain that needed healing in others all around me. 

"Clara" Photo by Stephanie May copyright 2013

People like Clara, who sat crying, staring into my eyes, holding onto my hand and kissing my arms asking me to pray for her. She suffered dementia and the only clarity I saw in her face was when she called out the name of Jesus. 

Left in an orphanage for old folks, the place was full of men and women who were abandoned by their families. My heart broke. My Father's love poured and I felt His heart for the lonely, the lost, and the forgotten. 

Rehoboth Home for Children in Guatemala Photo Credit: Stephanie May copyright 2013 

I saw joy in the eyes of kids, like this one, who had been saved from a life of abuse and neglect and sent to a place where he thrives in the safety and love of men and women who have hearts after God's own heart. 

"For sure, I tell you, because you did it to one of the least of My brothers, you have done it to Me." Matthew 25:40

Marlon Photo Credit Dayna Bickham copyright 2013 (the date was set wrong on the camera- sorry) 

I heard a story of hardship and hope and people who society devalued became treasure before my very eyes. Marlon scavenged for trash to make a living, but God has planted a dream in him, and He has plans bigger than Marlon's circumstances. 

The Call Confirmed

Me and members of the team look on as kids play. Photo Credit: Katie Axelson copyright 2013

As I experienced these people, the country, the work God was doing I began to hear God calling me out of my comfort zone and into the fray of His calling. 

"The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the broken hearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised, to preach the acceptable year of the Lord." Luke 4:17-18 KJV

I begin to see that He was calling me to love more freely, to give more deeply and to speak more openly about His love for His children. 

I will never be the same. 

At the end of it all, as I worshiped the Lord with my friends and fellow travelers, the Lord brought forth a beautiful word: "We are beautiful messes". This struck me like a bell tower striking midnight. 

I was a mess, laid open and bare before my God. My spirit stripped bare before Him. He loved me anyway and wanted to use me to show His love to others. 

Others may not "get it" as my friend and fellow traveler Alene Snodgrass writes about today, but I do. I get that the pain and brokenness of the world cries out for answers. I cannot adopt every child I see who needs a home, and I cannot give money to every cause, but where I am, no matter where "there" may be, I can be the hands and the feet of Jesus. 

I can love by feeding the hungry when I see a person in need. I can go an extra mile and walk with someone that just needs to tell their story to someone who will listen. 

I can. 

You can. 

Before this trip, I worried about the hows and the whens of it all. Now, I just long to go again, and love again, and do again: not for the experience of being in another country, but for the chance to show Jesus to the world - one person at a time - to live in the tension - to dive into the fray. 

Won't you go? 

Join the Conversation

Have you ever been "wrecked" by an experience that left you breathless and knowing you will never be the same again? Tell us about it: leave a comment below.