Wrecked: When God Slams Into My Brokenness

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

Meet Holy Spirit Barbie

I hung up the phone with her and tried to quell the panic attack beginning in my mind. 

I had just invited someone I had very little in common with to be my mentor. If I had not felt God tell me to do this, I would wonder if I had gone mad. 

She is like Holy Spirit Barbie. So beautiful and Christ-like you want to play with her, but God is already busy moving her around and blessing her with a "Dream". Or so she sometimes seems to me. 

I know this is not the case...not really, but my skewed opinions of myself projects onto her more value than I give myself and I know this is just one of the things God wants to change through this relationship. 

At this invitation I now will enter the realm of accountability and change. On the surface this sounds honorable and noble and completely benign. In my head my "self" begins to scream one long "Noooooooo!" 

The problem is this new mentoring relationship will begin to peel back the layers of all the things I have held onto most of my life. "My" identity will be exposed and I will have to truly choose to either hold on to the old version of me or welcome the changes that will come. 

Let's Examine This

Unpacking the fear I have, I turn it over and examine it. 

I have been asking God to change me into His image for over a year now. He has been faithful and done so much. Why then, when He prompts me to foster a new relationship that will allow someone I admire speak into my life on a regular basis, do I suddenly want to run as fast as I can in the opposite direction? 

I do not fear the result. I want to look more like Jesus. 

I do not fear the time it will take, I have plenty of it.  

I fear the pain. The pain of letting go of the lies I have chosen to believe about myself for years. 

I fear the ugly. The ugly of mid-metamorphosis.... no change from one thing into another is pretty. With this relationship there will be someone there, up close, seeing all those ugly bits of me I have tried to keep hidden. 

Exposed

On my recent trip to Guatemala, God spoke some powerful things, and one of the things He said was this: 

"How long will I have to convince you that you are chosen? Stop it! Stop with the defensive comments and let down the wall you hide behind. Stop it!" 

With those words, spoken through someone I now consider a friend, I wept. I actually bawled....ugly cried...in public.

Immediately after that word, someone else said this: "I feel like God is saying 'Tell her she is my favorite and she can't say anything snarky about it'"  

"Snarky" is how I describe myself. So I knew this was God and when God exposes your mask, it begins to get real....fast! 

I was wrecked by God's love slamming into me and challenging me to let Him have my brokenness.

Obedience is Better than Sacrifice

That night I just soaked it in, or tried to. Some things God lets marinate before He holds you to walking through the Refiner's fire. I thought I was doing better. I thought I had pruned out the snide and snarky comments about myself. 

After I hung up from the conversation with my new mentor, my best friend - who was with me - turned to me and said "This is a good thing. I am glad you are doing this, because while you have been "better" about not putting yourself down as much, you have still done it and that is disobedience." 

Slapped in the face by the Holy Spirit. That stung. 

The truth is this is more than just "changing a bad habit". This is open heart surgery. I could go through the motions and learn to have more decorum, or speak less harshly about myself, but as long as I still think the same way, it would all be just another mask I put on. My heart would be the same. 

God is faithful to finish what He began in Guatemala...of this I am certain. The Word says in Philippians 1:6 (AMP) "And I am convinced and sure of this very thing, that He Who began a good work in you will continue until the day of Jesus Christ [right up to the time of His return], developing [that good work] and perfecting and bringing it to full completion in you."

Join the Conversation

Do you have a mentor? 

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Three Steps to Overcome Your Bad Mood

Grumpy "This is my happy face!" Disney Creative Commons

Nerd Alert!

Now is the winter of our discontent Made glorious summer by this son of York; And all the clouds that low'r'd upon our house In the deep bosom of the ocean buried. Richard The Third Act 1, scene 1, 1–4

I am a Shakespeare fan. I love plays and iambic pentameter aside, Shakespeare knew how to tell a story. In high school as a freshman and sophomore I was writing A-level papers for my Senior friends on Macbeth and Hamlet. 

Today I shared this little tidbit for a reason: the quote above is less about Shakespeare and more about me. Last  night, well, this whole weekend, I have been in a funk! I wanted to start of this post like this: 

"Now is the hour of my discontent..."  

What About You? 

Have you felt ever like that? Discontented? 

(Why do I have a vision of Horshack from Welcome Back Kotter in my head right now? Are you raising your hand?) 

God loves me even in my foul mood. This good news begins to stir up in me a hope and a light-ness that dispels even the darkest mood. 

Funny little things like an encouraging tweet from Joyce Meyer Ministries in the morning remind me that I can take anything, even my bad attitude to God. 

"@JoyceMeyer: It's pretty easy to get negative, downcast and looking at your circumstances. But God is our glory and the lifter of our heads! (Psalms 3:3)" 

There are times when I get in bad moods. Everyone gets them. Hormones, circumstances, kids, bills, you name it, there is a reason for a bad mood around any and every corner. We have to learn to move past the bad attitude and into the peace and joy of the Lord.

How do we do that? Well, here are three things that work for me.

1. Read the Word - John 1:1 says the "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." Reading the Bible allows me to get closer to God because it is filled with Him. It is His Word. It may only be a chapter or two. I may not get everything there is to glean out of it, but it preps my head and my heart to begin to change back toward God and away from my bad attitude. 

2. Listen to great music. - I don't espouse listening to just anything. There is some great music out there, but music that focuses on God, that edifies is what I love. Praise and Worship Music. Music can remind us of our smallness and God's perfect brilliance. It is something that takes our focus off ourselves and puts it back where it belongs: on the Father! 

I love Spotify. (I am not getting paid to say so.) There is a free version (with commercials) and an upgradable version as well. Check it out here.  On this program you can send playlist to friends on your Facebook account or tweet out what you are listening to.

(Add me to your Facebook friends here, and I will send you a song I love if you message me from Spotify!)

3.Pray. - Sounds easier to say than to do sometimes. I know that when I feel "yucky" I don't think God particularly wants to hear about it, but I would be wrong!  Even King David, who God delighted in, was downcast a time or two. 

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance." Psalms 42:5

God wants to hear from you. Just be real and honest. Tell Him what is on your heart and mind. He is the lifter of our heads!

Join the Conversation

What do you do to get out of a funk? Share your answer below. (it does not have to be a "spiritual" answer, just share what works for you!)

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A Mess in a Dress: Getting Past Your Past

Wednesdays are turning into one of my favorite days! We are Blogging through the book The Gospel of Yes by Mike Glenn. This means we can read it together chapter by chapter and discuss it here like a book club. It is not too late to catch up with us. You can get a copy of the book here. (affiliate link)

Chapters Six and Seven

My grandmother used to look at me on Sunday mornings as I ran around the church in my Sunday frock, and say "that girl is a mess in a dress". She said it with affection and humor, but it was true on so many levels.

I was a mess when God said yes. To be honest, I still am a bit of a mess. I have issues. I have a past.
I am also willing to bet you do too.


If you are letting your past hold you back from experiencing the fullness of God's yes, then you are missing the point. There is freedom and recovery in God's yes: freedom from what is holding you back and recovery from what has hurt and scarred you.

"We all have a past. Even though we find new life in Christ, no one starts from zero. Your life and mine, like any good story have a prequel." Mike Glenn, The Gospel of Yes, page 90

I have shared with you my prequel: I was an adulteress, and God healed my marriage. I was a child of divorce and God wanted me anyway. I have a story and it is messy because life is messy. We are messy.

God is not afraid of your mess. Jesus doesn't judge you because you have a past. The woman caught in adultery in the Bible was brought before Jesus. He said "Go and sin no more." No judging, no condemning. He just spoke life and sent her forward.

"Jesus in not unaware of the mess you are in, and he knows better than anyone that you can't fix it on your own. The mess you are in is why he came. And now that he is here, it makes no sense to waste any more time. So get started. Jesus will start wherever you are. " page 97

 What Makes the Gospel Great? 

The Gospel is great because it is the story of God choosing us in our brokenness, in our messiness, and Jesus revealing the love of the Father to us.

This means God chose you. From the beginning He chose you. You have a purpose, you have a reason for being. Just existing is no longer an option. You now have heard God's yes! Embrace it. Let it begin to change you. Renew the way you think about yourself, about the world, and about God. This yes from God changes everything!

This yes takes your mess and begins to make something beautiful in spite of it. From the inside out we are becoming something totally new!

"Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new." 2 Corinthians 5:17 (KJV) 

You do not need to "fix" anything first. The truth is you can't. Only what Christ did for us can fix our brokenness.

Get Over Yourself! 

I know how to hold on. Tightly. I held onto my pain, my hurts, my past for a very long time. I hid behind a fake smile on Sundays so no one at church would know my pain. I was not fooling anyone. I certainly was not fooling God. 

I believed that God could heal and could change lives, just not mine. By believing God was good enough for everyone else but me I was making the gospel void. I made God to be a liar. I was wrong! 

If you are holding on to your past hurts and brokenness, get over yourself. I mean this in as much love as I can muster. Really. Let it go. God said yes and He wants to heal you from it all. He wants the chains to fall off and your new reality to be freedom and joy, not bondage and pain. 

God says "yes" to you. Say yes to Him. 

"Our lives may begin in a mess, but they end with a Divine Yes!" Mike Glenn, The Gospel of Yes page 100

Join the Conversation:

What was your "prequel"? Share a part of your story with us. Leave a comment (it can be long or short) with us. Click on "Add a Comment" below.


Blogging Through the Book is a group of bloggers who literally blog while reading the book. It’s different than merely reading a book and posting a review. We have a chance to read and share our thoughts in our community. Click HERE to find out about other blogger's perspectives on these chapters and join the discussion!


Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from WaterBrook Multnomah Publishing Group. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 : “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”
Disclosure of Material Connection: Some of the links in the post above are “affiliate links.” This means if you click on the link and purchase the item, I will receive an affiliate commission. Regardless, I only recommend products or services I use personally and believe will add value to my readers. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”