The Scandal of Grace

"Dennis the Menace" Copyright: CBS TV 1959

There is Always One Kid

Yesterday I ran into a young person that hangs out with one of my girls. I am not fond of the kid, and he and my daughter know it. He has not shown much respect for my daughter or me, but she still remains friends with him, so I am left with conflicting emotions about him.

When I saw him, I do not believe he saw me. I could have ignored him and said nothing. I could have looked at him with a withering "MOM look". 

Instead I said hi and ended up having a five minute conversation with him. I was polite, even friendly, and I thought the whole experience went well. 

When my daughter found out, she first of all wanted to know all about it. When I was done telling her, she said, "I thought you hated him, why would you talk to him?" and my heart broke a little. 

The Old Me...

The old me would have sent him an ugly look, and a snarled Elvis-like lip curling snarl. But the new me, the one Jesus has been making from the inside out for the last 13 months, just saw a kid that needed to know what love looks like. 

I am no saint. I cringed inside. What mom wants her child to have friends that pull her away from God? Not this mom. But I cannot deny that Christ died for all, even the kid I do not like. God loves us, even the one that makes your blood boil. 

We All Have The List

There is a list of people in our heads. We may not even know we have the "list", but we do. It is filled with names of people like Hitler, Dahmer, Bundy, and Gacy. Horrible men who defied God and man. These men killed at will and perpetrated some of the most horrible crimes known to man.

In addition to these kinds of men, our list may include the crazy sister-in-law that makes everyone miserable, or the parent who treated us badly, or the ex husband or the kid in the neighborhood you don't like, but the list is there. It is filled with people we do not like and we have a hard time applying grace or mercy to. In fact, if you had to imagine a Hitler that was radically saved and on fire for Jesus, would you have a hard time accepting that? I would. I do. 

This is just an exercise to prove a point. Grace is scandalous. God forgives and loves beyond our ability. 

The people we do not like, God loves. We are called to love. Not just to put on a form of godliness, but to love beyond our dislike and beyond our emotions. 

The Scandal of Grace 

I cannot imagine being a Christian in Saul of Tarsus's time. He was on a hunt. Christians were radicals, they were dangerous. They flouted and espoused grace and love, and ignored the law. This was who Saul was hunting on the day he traveled to Damascus. He meant to imprison, and to kill these people. He meant to uphold all he was taught. 

God had different plans. 

Can you imagine being Ananias? Can you imagine the faith and trust it took to see what God was doing in a man like Saul? 

This is the scandal of grace. Knowing that people like Hitler and Saul deserve one thing, but can have another. There is a gift, freely given by God, that can change everything...forgiveness. love, mercy, all wrapped up in one name: Jesus. 

So how do we proceed from here? How do we reconcile what we feel would be just, with what God's grace can do? 

I don't have all the answers. I just know, that if God can love me: a sinner, an adulteress, a liar, a hatemonger, then He can love anyone. He can do anything! That is the scandal of grace. 

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Have you ever struggled with showing someone grace? Tell us your thoughts in the comments below. 

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Child of Divorce, Child of God- My story

I was between three and five when my parents began the road to divorce. My mother, when she was alive, would say they began the road to divorce the minute they decided to get married. 

Unfortunately there are bits and pieces of our life leading up to and around the divorce that are seared into my memory. Life then was not pretty. I am not putting my parents on blast here: the past is the past, but it doesn’t mean bad things didn’t go down.

I remember the yelling, the violence, and the screaming tires as one parent or another would leave afterwards. But you know what I remember the most? I remember my dad. My dad was always my hero as a kid. I loved him more than anyone, though my Uncle Bruce ran a very close second place. Daddy was so young then. I didn’t know it of course, but now I see he was just a boy, with two small girls, trying to make it right.

I don’t know if this was during the separation or after the divorce, but Daddy moved us into a trailer just down the road from our babysitter, “Aunt Ethel”. I remember he kept working and trying to make things as normal as possible for us while my mom came around only sporadically to see us.

Once she came and got me with a “friend” of hers and took me to the mall to get my ears pierced. When I returned home, my dad was furious because I wouldn’t know how to take care of my ears at such a young age. Later, when they inevitably became infected, he took the earrings out and flushed them down the toilet. TRA-MA-TIC for a little girl, but it totally makes sense to me now that I have two girls who have had ears infected because of earrings.

I tell that story to say one thing: my mother was a drive-by parent. Come by, pick us up, buy us something to assuage her guilt and then drop us back off at home with daddy who was left to deal with our heartache and abandonment issues. Poor man had no clue. He did try, but I realize now that in his early twenties (I told you he was basically a boy) he did not have the tools to deal with two girls missing their mommy and wondering why they were not good enough. Why didn’t mommy love them?

Those mixed up feelings plus the limited ability to understand adult situations caused me to become angry at my father and made me think he took me from my mother. He kept me from seeing her. The truth is, he dreaded visits from my mom, because she wrecked me emotionally, she caused pain that he did not know how to deal with and that caused him to become angry. By the time he was ready to remarry, we had moved to a new state, had been on our own for three years, and he had been saved, which turned his life in a whole new direction.

I was eight when my dad remarried. My step mother was nineteen, and she was getting an emotionally damaged, head-strong, angry kid when she got me. In my eyes she wasn’t just replacing my mother, but she was replacing me, because in those three years I had become my dad’s “Big girl” helper, reminding him that we needed to go to the store, or pay a bill, and now I could not fill that role anymore. I was not a happy camper and now, as an adult, I feel for her. Throughout the subsequent years, I made her life miserable. The patterns we fell into have not really changed that much over nearly thirty years and that is in a very large part due to me.

I held onto the pain of divorce and I caused rifts where there should have been none. Yes, I was a kid. My parents could have made some different choices that might have changed some things, but ultimately, I have to take responsibility for me: especially when these attitudes followed me into adulthood. By holding onto the anger and unforgiveness, I altered the course of my whole family’s lives. Where there should have been peace, there was more hurt and more pain, and more separation.

Why am I telling you this? I guess because somewhere out there are kids who wonder “what did I do?” and “why am I not good enough?” and “Why doesn’t my parent love me?” These emotional questions are normal for kids, but they need to be addressed as often and as quickly as can be by parents who are divorced. Kids learn by example too. When divorced parents harbor animosity and hurt, rather than walking in forgiveness kids learn to harbor animosity and hurt.

Now, as an adult I have forgiven my parents, and I feel immense compassion for what my dad and step-mom had to go through with me. I realize all the sacrifices my dad gave up to raise his girls on his own barely into his twenties. If anything, forgiveness has given me perspective.

If you are a child of divorce, forgive. Give your hurts and pains over to God. He is Father to the fatherless. He is our comforter, our buckler, the lifter of our head. He is our healing balm. People make mistakes, but do not let someone else’s mistake become your chains. Do not be weighed down by this any longer. Shake it off, give it to God, and look to Him.

Divorce is something you mourn, but joy comes after a season. Are things perfect in my life? No, they are not; but I know who my Father is, and I trust in Him that He will make my paths straight, and He will restore relationships and bring healing.

Do not let unforgiveness take you off track. Do not let bitterness alter your course. Let God heal these things in you.

Look, I struggle when I share things so personal. I overthink things and worry about fall-out. When it comes down to it, I cannot shy away from my story because it is all I have to draw on. As I write this tears fall. Not because of hurts, but because of compassion. Compassion for the people who have felt the pain that comes from divorce and compassion for the boys and girls whose lives are turned upside down because of divorce. I feel compassion for those step parents that feel lost and ill-equipped to cope with their new family’s pain. There is a way through, and that way is God.

So I share my story, in hopes that it will resonate with just one person, and it will bring healing and peace.  What is your story?

Are you a child of divorce? Are you in a blended family? Have you had struggles with forgiveness and divorce?

Be blessed and be a blessing. Remember, forgiveness is a noun.

Sunday Reflection February 26, 2012

Wow! What a week. We have talked about Praise bringingBreakthrough, Overcoming circumstance and offence, The Importance of Godly friends, our Great Commission, and The Salvation Message this week.  I have to say that every week for me gets better and better. I get to study and spend time writing. Two things I love, and as the blog grows, I get to hear more from you, the readers. The highest read post of all time was the one on Forgiveness this week, and I have to say that I am humbled by the response.

In all, at the time of this writing, there were 1,258 visitors in the 1 ½ months this blog has been live. I hope to one day have that many readers every day, but for now, I write knowing that God is the one who gives the increase, and I just keep being faithful. The most amazing thing to me, as it has been every week is the list of countries this blog is being read in. I want to list them out just so you can see what God is doing!

United States	Russia	Honduras	Philippines	Germany
Canada	Brazil	Chili	Italy	United Kingdom
Romania	India	Czech Republic	Malaysia	Qatar
Australia	Namibia	Bulgaria	France	China
Grenada	Botswana	Maldives	New Zealand	Singapore
Iraq	Turkey	Saudi Arabia	South Africa	Bangladesh
United Arab Emirates	Hong Kong	Netherlands	Latvia	Mexico
Pakistan	Jordan	Ghana	Algeria	Nigeria
Finland	Ethiopia	Norway	Kenya	Viet Nam
Palestinian Territories	Egypt	Spain

That is 48 countries and growing!  Many of these countries have an anti-Christian stance and getting the gospel in is a major victory for Christ! I pray for this list and every one of these countries as they pop up on my statistics screen. I know God is using this blog in amazing ways and I am so thankful and in awe that HE is using me to do this.

I cannot tell you in words how amazing this journey has been so far. The sad thing is I am a writer, so that failing is definitely on me. I am working hard to hone my craft and bring you a solid study of the word each week. I hope that you will continue to comment and share everything you feel moved by, and help grow the site and spread the love and the Word of God! Just look what we have done so far….

Be blessed and be a blessing and know I am praying for you. Won’t you pray for me?

Forgiveness- The Hardest Lesson I Have Ever Had to Learn

I saw a church sign that made me laugh, it said “Don’t give up! Moses was once a basket case!”

I needed that giggle. There are moments when I feel like I have taken the short bus, missed the boat, and in general missed the mark. In those times, I have to stop and evaluate what it is I am hearing in my mind. I have to decide if I am hearing the prompting of the Spirit, myself, or the voice of an enemy that seeks to steal (my joy) kill (my dreams) and destroy (me). So let me share with you my struggles and triumphs today.

Around eight years ago, my parents and I had a falling out. It was years in the making, like a good (or bad) fruit cake it had many ingredients and layers of flavor. My father and I said things that were ugly: some true and some untrue and all of it was wrapped around my offences and sense of rejection.

In the last eight years God has dealt with me about forgiveness and I have apologized, but the fact is, not much in the natural has changed. We barely nod in each other’s direction, and have only had one or two occasions to speak in all that time. This makes me sad. (I have purposed in my heart to always be honest here and that means that it may not always be pretty. This is just part of my story, and told from my point of view. I would never say this is all of the history.)

So why share something so personal with you? Why drag our family laundry out? I write this to show you that hurt and offence can lead to things that can change the course of not only your life, but others as well. Since this, I have barely talked to my brothers, it damaged my relationship with my sister, and I have a nephew I have never met. My kids miss out on a life full of cousins and grandparents and all that entails.

Bruises, iniquities, the old wounds that we almost forget about until someone knocks into them, are the hardest to get over. They are the ones we hold onto and caress like a little child. The ones we bring out at holidays and birthdays and special occasions to nurse until no one around can ignore the pain they cause. When we do this we pay more attention to the bruise than to the Healer. I am guilty of that.

God has dealt with me about forgiveness before, but like the children of Israel I guess I am going around that mountain again. Matthew 18:22-35 is clear. When we do not forgive we get handed over to the torturer.  That is what poking at those bruises is: torture!

When we forgive, we allow ourselves to be the ones that heal. God is able to deal with a contrite heart, and when we ask him to wash our hearts in His laundry, who cares what we air in public? That whole healed heart instead of a broken tortured one is a testimony for all to see that God’s love is a transforming love, an overcoming love.

Because God is a loving God, and His love transforms us to be more like Him, walking in forgiveness becomes easier. Recognizing immediately that we need to forgive and letting go of offense is something that we work out like our faith. The more we do it, the bigger those spiritual muscles get, and the easier the heavy lifting, like forgiveness, gets.

When we forgive and let go of offense, those bruised places begin to heal, and we become a less “prickly” person. Admit it, when you have a hurt, like rejection, you become easily offended when you feel rejection again. Whether the rejection was real or perceived, offence has come. You have a choice now: Nurse the hurt like a newborn so it can grow, or cut it out like the cancer it is and be free. Give no foothold to the devil.  

Without forgiveness our faith is stunted. It cannot grow and be effective. So how do we do this?

Well, let me show you what I have learned and what I must keep before me at all times so that I can actively walk in a lifestyle of forgiveness. We have to continually choose.

First, decide that you are going to walk in forgiveness, don’t wait until you feel like it. Before that is likely to happen, you will have more wrinkles than an elephant. Jesus gave us an example in the Lord’s Prayer, “forgive us our sins as we forgive others”. If we got the importance of forgiveness we would live radically different lives. It is after all the crux of the gospel. We were the ones who offended God, and He found a way to forgive us.

Proverbs 19:9 says he who covers and forgives an offence seeks love. Proverbs 19:11 says a sensible person restrains his anger and overlooks offence.

Next rely on God. It takes His Spirit to dwell in us, giving us peace and comfort when we feel attacked and hurt to walk in love and forgiveness. These are fruits of the spirit: love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness. I am a big believer in God putting things in order. First comes His love, then the joy of our salvation, then peace that passes understanding, then long-suffering (active dedication to the things of God) then kindness to those who don’t deserve it, lavishing goodness on them and being faithful to God by ministering to them.  

Finally, pray for them that use you and mistreat you. Bless them and do not curse them. If you can’t say anything nice then at least SHUT UP! Recently, within the last three years, I was hurt at a church by some very big things. I was intent on staying until I got over the offence, and it took a year. I am so glad I did. First and foremost because I can still point people to that church if they are looking for a home church, and second, because I in no way want to diminish what God is doing there because I was a whiner.

I may not agree with everything someone does, but I will not focus on their faults: that is God territory, not Dayna territory. So when I pray for them instead of talk badly about them, and I actively bless them with my words, it allows God to work on my behalf with them.

Do not fall into the trap of becoming bitter. When you feel like “it is not fair if” then you walk a very dangerous line. God is the judge of fair; all we are supposed to do is obey. He is the details guy. When we look at our life, it is like we look at a photograph, only seeing what is in the frame. God sees what is all around the frame, the hidden things, the things just out of sight, and around the corner. That is why He says Trust in Him and not in our own understanding. Forgiveness is for you, let God deal with "them".

Be blessed and be a blessing and remember forgive is a verb!