Q & A Conclusion of the Prioritize Your Life Series

Today we wrap up the Prioritize Your Life series with a Question and Answer session. If you asked a question last week, you may find it here. If you didn't you may find one here that you identify with because I picked the most universal ones I could to answer. These questions are by some people I really admire as well. Check out their links and find out what they are all about! 

I hope you have enjoyed this series. If you have found something you do not agree with, or feel like I missed something important, then please join the conversation by leaving a comment below! I want to hear from you! 

Enjoy the Q & A below:

Tor Constantino Asked:

Dayna, I think one of the challenges with priorities is ranking them. If everything's a priority, then nothing really is. What recommendation do you have for those who have trouble separating true priorities from the pack?

(Tor Blogs at http://www.thedailyretort.com)

Ranking is a challenge. If we look at priorities as a standard (read banner) over an area of our lives to which we always strive to move toward in our lives it will help us become less bogged down by the priority itself. Remember that Jesus said “…Take no thought for your life, what ye shall eat, or what ye shall drink; nor yet for your body, what ye shall put on. Is not the life more than meat, and the body than raiment?” These are details. Later in the same chapter at the end of the discussion Jesus was having he said this: “But seek ye first the kingdom of God, (A Standard) and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you.”

Remember that in life we cannot have nor do it all. Some things have to be less important than others. By definition a priority is more important because it is “given special attention”. Ultimately how many priorities you have is up to you. However, of you stop looking at priorities as a list of “to do’s” and more of a standard of living then it may take some of the pressure off.

I hope this helps.



Bobbie Cole Asked:

I like it that, in his Life Plan Book, Michael Hyatt puts himself second to God on his list of priorities. His rationale is that, if he doesn't look after himself, he cannot do any of the things that follow on his list of priorities, such as being there for his wife, bringing up his children and helping colleagues. Do you agree?

Bobbie, this is a great question! I have to start off by saying this: priorities are highly personal, and while some priorities (God, family, career, and ministry) might be the same, for many some priorities will not translate well.

I read Michael’s book and loved it. When I was trying to do all the exercises and list out my priorities exactly like he did do you know what happened? I kept forgetting the “myself” one. For me, it did not fit. I love the idea. After all, even God calls us vessels to be filled and to pour out, right?

I think the thing we have to do after we create our “list” of priorities is to live with them for a while and make adjustments as needed. I probably do need to make myself more of a priority more… I could use the exercise at least…lol. Recently, Luther Davis, who died just before his 90th birthday told someone “If I knew I was going to live this long, I would have taken better care of my body.”

Even such a great man, who I admired greatly had trouble with the “myself” part of his life.

Priorities are personal and the only person who will be able to set them and live by them is you.

Thanks for this question!

Rebecca Livermore Asked:

(Rebecca is genius in all things design. Check her out at http://www.professionalcontentcreation.com/ )

How do you deal with the priorities that other people have for you? For example, spouses, children, employers, clients, friends -- all of them may have things they want you to do and feel you are letting them down if you don't live up to their priorities for you. Of course, I'm only talking about those who are key people in your life, not just random people. :)

This is a great question Rebecca! I have to say that outside pressures to be and do certain things are stressors that many of us have. Sometimes these stressors can be presented as priorities when really they are diversions. They divert our energy, our focus; even our hearts can be diverted.

This is one reason God says “guard your heart”.

I want to encourage you and anyone who identifies with this question to live in a place of peace. We will be buffeted by people, by storms, by critics, by family, and by strangers. This is life. But if we live with a standard (priority/banner) over an area of our life, it will block some of the attack (like a personal umbrella) and in times where we stray too far away from that standard (because we were diverted) then that standard (priority/banner) can act like a beacon to lead us back where we want to be.

I want you to stop for a second and think of your life as a dart board. You are the bull’s-eye. Immediately around you (the next circle) is your husband, then the next circle is your kids, then extended family, then work etc…

Now, do you have that image in your mind? Good, now answer this: What can you really control in the dart board? What do you really have the responsibility for and over?

The answer is YOU!

You can influence the other circles, but you are the only thing you really have control over. Set your standards (priorities) and share those with the people you care about. Let them know where you are in your heart and mind and do not waiver. They will respect you more l for taking a stand than for caving into their demands.

Heidi Kreider Asked:

(Heidi is a published author and blogs at http://heidikreider.com/)

What do you do when you feel as if God is changing your priorities and your direction but not everyone agrees?

Heidi, first I would say Trust and Obey! Trust that if God is changing things for you, He will let your spouse know. He will bring your kids around. Yet ultimately (see dart board analogy above) you have to be the one who obeys.

Here is something that comes to mind about obedience. If you had two children and one of them never did his chore, but instead talked his sister into doing it every time, is your son really obeying? The chore got done, but did he truly obey you?

What if he told you that it was not a priority for him to take out the trash every night, it was more your deal than his? Would that fly?

What if he constantly told you “I’ll take out the trash when… (fill in the blank)”

God is a Father. We are his kids. Are you going to obey, or wait because you don’t think things are quite perfect yet?

Obedience is better. Trust is better. God sees more than you do. This is why Jesus asks us to die to ourselves. When we lay down “our” concerns, God takes them up.

Jesus is your advocate, so let the detractors complain. The one we need to please is God: no one else.


Dana Pittman Asked:

(Dana blogs at danapittman.com)

My priority questions come from transitioning from where I am to where God is calling me. Where I am pays the bills? :) Where I am going is going to take a lot of time and effort. I'm sure some finances will come but for now they are nonexistent.

I want to direct you to Heidi’s question and answer and just add this: Step out in FAITH! If God is telling you to GO GO GO then what are you doing stuck at the starting line? Run your race girl. God gave it to you to RUN!

“If any of you is deficient in wisdom, let him ask of [a]the giving God [Who gives] to everyone liberally and ungrudgingly, without reproaching or faultfinding, and it will be given him” James 1:5



Pilar Arsenec Asked:

(Pilar blogs at http://www.ordinaryservant.com/)

I just find myself just scrambling to just get things done. My priorities become the demands of my job and my family. I have to be honest and say that I squeeze everything else in which includes time alone with God.

Pilar, we have to live with intention. Otherwise we react to life rather than move through life toward goals.

First I want to tell you I understand what you mean. There are days I just feel bombarded by everyone else and feel like there is nothing I can do to change it. But there is! Change comes first from within. Determine in yourself that you will live life with intention. Write down those priorities and goals. If you still feel like they are unobtainable then do what Michael Hyatt suggests in his book “Life Plan” and work backwards.

If you have a priority and it feels like there is no way for you to live up to it, and then ask yourself this question: What would have to be true to make this reality?

The answer to that question is will help you focus more, and trim some of the "fat" from your life that is diverting your attention from the things that matter.

No matter where you are right now though, you cannot live in condemnation! Stop beating yourself up for not being perfect. No one is except Jesus. We strive to be more like Him. Sometimes we fall short. That is what grace is for. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and start again.

One of my favorite things to say is “God’s got this!” and whatever your “this” is, I promise, He has it!

                                                ______________________________________________________

I hope you have liked this series and found value in it. Please, leave you questions and comments below to join the discussion! 

The (in)Significant Other- Part 5 in the Prioritize Your Life Series

So somewhere in your list of priorities may or may not be your spouse. 

Biblically spouses should rank pretty high on the list. 

This is not always the case and that has lead to unhappy marriages, disenfranchised children and even divorce. 

As Christians we should have a leg up on the secular world when it comes to marriage, but some how we look the exact same. 

I believe it is because there is a fundamental lack of understanding of what a Godly marriage looks like and where our spouses should rank as priorities. 

Ephesians 5:21-31says: 

"Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body.

Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing.

Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;

That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word,

That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.

So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church:

For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.

Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband." 

 There is so much to cover on this topic, but I want to concentrate on just a few things for this series. 

Mutual Submission

So many people read this passage and concentrate only on the "wives submit to your husbands" part. That is important, but do not forget the verse before it. 

"Submitting yourselves to one another in the fear (respectful submission) of the Lord." 

The man is the head in all things spiritual, and the wife should submit to his lead and guidance. (When the husband is unsaved and the wife is, the woman should submit in all other areas with Christ as her spiritual head until her husband is won for Christ and matured in his faith.)

But the responsibility of the man is so much higher than that of the woman. He is called to love his wife like Christ loves the church. 

What does that look like? 

• Christ laid down his life for the church. 
• Christ prays for the church
• Christ provides for the church

Body Check

Have you ever seen a person who bathed every part of their body except for their arm? Or only eat every other day? 

No? Why not? 

Because bathing everything but an arm would  not make sense would it? Eating every other day would lead to malnutrition. 

In  marriage we are one before God. In the passage above Paul says  "

men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself. 

For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it"

When we place a priority on our spouses we let them know that first they are important and secondly they are worth our focus. 


Ignoring our spouses can lead to relational malnutrition and eventually to relationship starvation. 

The Check List

For every couple this may be a little different, but generally there are three areas that need to be healthy to maintain a fruitful and loving relationship. These may not be in the order you prefer, but then again this is about priorities, so feel free to prioritize them for yourself. 

1. Time. Spend time with one another. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder, it makes it easier for the heart to wander. Go on dates. Close yourself off in a room on a Saturday morning and just enjoy laughing together. Rent a $1 movie from one of those machines on a Tuesday and snuggle up after the kids are down and have some popcorn. Time together is crucial. 
2. Communication. Talk about  more than the bills, or what happened at work. Talk about dreams, talk about Jesus, talk about your mutual priorities and then support one another in those things. Most importantly, pray together and pray for one another! 
3. Sex. Give to one another generously. Honor each other with your bodies. Keep your body JUST FOR YOUR SPOUSE and remember that God made sex to bond us together in love and respect. Sex that denigrates should not have a place in a Godly marriage. 

Paying attention to these things (placing a priority means focusing on something and then following through with actions) will help you  relationship thrive. 


The significance we place on one another is so important. Do not make your spouse feel less than because you forgot to make them a priority in your life. They deserve more than being relegated to the (in)Significant other. 


How do you make your spouse feel special? 

"X" Marks the Spot - Part Three in the Prioritize Your Life Series

Let’s go treasure hunting! 

Really, that is what life is all about right? Looking for those things that few have but we all want: the “jewels” of life. 

A great relationship, a good career, and a memorable life are just a few of the “jewels” we chase. 

What if I told you that obtaining these things are possible? What if I said, it all depends on you?  

"Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth, where moth and rust doth corrupt, and where thieves break through and steal: But lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust doth corrupt, and where thieves do not break through nor steal: For where your treasure is, there will your heart be also." Matthew 6:19-21 

A Focus on Priorities 

Earlier this week we talked about how to develop priorities. Now we need to talk about applying our priorities. 

For me, my optimum list looks like this: (Yours may be different) 

· God 
· Myself 
· My husband 
· My kids 
· My friends 
· My career 
· My ministry 
· My finances 

These are the “jewels” in my treasure. 

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Now What? 

Once your list of priorities done, there is that moment (at least for me) of “now what”? What is the next step? 

The next step is action statements followed by…you guessed it…ACTION! 

Action statements are like words of affirmation. These are little notes to yourself that allow you to hone your focus to surgical precision. 

Here is an example of a few of my Action Statements. (hint: all statements should prompt you to “do” something) 

Friends: I AM supportive, caring, and wise. I speak into my friends lives with love and honesty. I pray for my friends. I rejoice with them, I cry with them, and I hold a banner of love and safety over them. No matter the circumstances I (sometimes gently and sometimes with great passion) always point them back to Jesus. 

My Career as a Writer: I am a writer. I write every day. I write about Jesus, and I write about life. I write for myself and I write for others. I guest post on other blogs, I read constantly to hone my skills. I seek relationships that allow me to grow as a writer. First I seek mentors. Secondly, I seek to mentor. I give away my gift. I am a generous writer. I write to illuminate the solutions to life’s issues, not stir up strife or cause discord. I write as a career and as a ministry. 

These are just examples. Do you see how to write your Action Statement? It needs to be in first person present tense. Did I lose you? Ok then, just remember to write it with statements of action “I do” rather than “I will do”. 

Now go live those statements. Following the examples above it would look like this for me: when I hang with friends, I pray with them, support them, and love them. When I am at my desk, I don’t spend hours goofing off on games and Facebook. I actually write! 

Do the work! 

This is the map to your treasure, now you have to dig in and discover your best life now. Priorities are just one step on the treasure map but without them, you will never find the X that marks the spot for your treasure! 

Have you made your priorities list yet? Are there any differences that surprised you when you got done? 

Priorities Perfected Part Two in the Prioritize Your Life Series

Today this post goes up later than usual. 

You know why? 

Because today I went to a funeral of a man so loved and honored that it took from 10 a.m. to 3 p.m. to say goodbye. 

People had wonderful things to say about him. He was honored by neighbors, community leaders, and everyday men and woman. Pastors were begging for the honor of conducting the service, because this man was so amazing in life. 

His name was Luther L. Davis and he was someone I barely knew, yet his life and testimony reached hundreds of people. 

As person after person got up to share stories of Brother Davis’ faithfulness, his love, his service to God and his service to the people God called him to love, tears streamed down my face. 

At one point my pastor, who had conducted the bulk of the service, asked me “You didn't know Brother “D” very well did you?” 

My answer was this: “No, but you did, you loved him, and because of that, I loved him and wanted to honor him for what he meant to you.” 

What a life. He impacted people so profoundly that by acquaintance he was influential. 

Brother Luther Lloyd Davis 89 years old. 

The most poignant and awe inspiring thing said today was by my pastor as he eulogized Brother Davis. 

“In 1958 Brother Davis changed my life forever, and I wasn't born until 1961. That year Brother Davis made a profession of faith and he never looked back. He served, he gave, he loved. He will be missed.” 

Think about that. 

What a legacy. 

As I talked to people after the service people said over and over in one way or another that Brother Davis was a good man, a Godly man, and a man worth knowing. He impacted and imprinted people for Jesus wherever he went. 

What kind of legacy will you leave behind?


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In Michael Hyatt's book, Creating Your Personal Life Plan, he asks “What will they say when I am dead?” Michael goes on to explore this idea in the context of relationships and how that impacts his priorities. 

(If you have not read this book, I hope you go to MichaelHyatt.com and subscribe so you can download it for free. It is a wonderful book. ) 

Michael says “This is an incredibly powerful question. To answer it, you have to “fast forward” to the end of your life and look back. This exercise forces you to think about the things that matter most.” 

Obviously, Brother Davis did things right somewhere along the way. To be honored in such a heartfelt way and to leave such a reach legacy of love and service behind means he had his priorities in order. 

He chose God first, his wife, then his church (he had no children of his own) then his community. He walked out these priorities every day by his acts of love and service. 

Colossians 3:23 “And whatsoever ye do, do it heartily, as to the Lord, and not unto men” 

This was the key to this man’s legacy. He lived out loud for God and loved people all along the way. 

As a man with the “keys” to the church in his 50-something years of service at my church, Brother Davis was a fixture. As a way to honor him, and to remind us to strive to be better servants, the pastor gave us each a single key. 

It unlocked no doors. 

No one walked away as a winner of a new truck. 

The key just reminds us that in order to leave a legacy like Luther L. Davis, we have to serve God first. 

Love God, Love people, and serve others. What a perfect example of priorities perfected! 

Was there ever a Brother Davis in your life?

Like Your Life More - Part One in the Prioritize Your Life Series

Priorities matter. 

But how do you organize your priorities in a way that makes your life make sense? 

Like you, I have gone round and round on this question in different stages of my life, always thinking that this time I have “it” right. 

Priorities are a matter of balance and counterbalance. We must be resolute in our priorities, but we need to allow room for growth and change. 

How do we develop priorities? 

Priorities are more than goals. Priorities are the manifestation of your Point of View combined with your actions. 

Personal core values are things you truly believe (consciously or subconsciously) that create your unique point of view. Everyone has a point of view, and as Christians we should have a personal point of view that is biblical in origin. 

When our beliefs and our actions (you know, the things that you actually do, not necessarily the things you intended to do) combine we begin placing value on different aspects of our lives and with or without intention we develop priorities. 

Priorities answer this question: What is important to you? 

Step 1: Self-Evaluation 

Now comes the hard part: taking a nice hard long look at where we are in our life. Grab a pen and paper. You will need it for this next part. Look at your life in these areas: 

· Faith 
· Personal Growth (Self) 
· Marriage 
· Children/Family 
· Friendships 
· Career 
· Finances 
· Ministry 
· Health 

Now List them in order of the most important for you AS THEY REALLY ARE, not how you want them to be. 

Now beside each one write one thing you want to change in that area of your life. If one of the above is not that important to you, take it off your list. If you think I missed something, add that to your list. 

Once you have done that, ask yourself this: What would it take to make those changes a reality in a year? In six months? In 90 days? In 30 days? Right Now? 

This honest assessment of our priorities allows us to rank the different parts of our lives as we truly live them, so we can see if and where changes need to be made. 

A Word of Caution 

Rearranging our lives in a total priorities makeover can be more harmful than good if we make drastic changes all at once. The key is to make incremental, purposeful and targeted changes over time. This will lead to a more consistent result of positive change. 

Step 2: The Revised List 

Okay, so now what? Now, you re-write the list. Write each one in order from MOST important to you to LEAST important. I can hear you now- “They are all important, I can’t do that! What if I hurt one of my priorities feelings?” 

Well, maybe not that last part, but you cringed a little when I said LEAST. 

The truth of the matter is that something is going to be the low man on the totem pole. The fact is that if it made your list, then it is IMPORTANT enough to make a priority in the first place. Don’t worry on list placement as much as priority goal setting. 

This list is what you want your priorities to be in the near future. 

Once you have it re-written, remember that question I said to ask? “What would make this change a reality?” 

Write your answer to that question for each category next to each newly ranked priority. 

This is the thing you focus on making true. 

Here is what part of my revised list looks like. 

Step 3: Implementation 

You have made a list; you have checked it twice, now the fun begins. (That was sarcasm, and if you did not read it with a sarcastic voice, do me a favor and read it again.) 

No, all kidding aside, this is not an easy process. Why? Because living according to priorities requires living with intention. Purposing in your heart to follow through on goals and standards is not a natural thing to do. 

Our very nature is to rebel from rules and regulations. This is part of the curse and the fall of man. We are human and that is the state of the world. 

As you work every day toward your goals, read over this revised list. It should take a few seconds. No more, no less. Keep the vision for your life before you. 

“Where there is no vision, the people perish” Proverbs 29:18a

(Hint: I put mine on a post it and stuck it to my bathroom mirror so I can see it every morning!) 

Now, as you make your way through your day check to see if your actions are lining up with your new priorities. Make notes to yourself (mental will do, but I love to write stuff down in my phone or in a journal to refer to later). 

If after a week you see that you have not really progressed the way you wanted, take that list out again and re-ask “What would make this change a reality?” Tweak as needed. 

This is a process. There is no quick and easy shortcut. You have to do the work. I realize that will not make me popular, but I do not write this so you will like me, but so you will like your LIFE more. 

So what is the hardest part of setting priorities for you?

What Do You Think About Priorities?

The Problem

Priorities can be tricky. Why? Well, because we aren't always honest about where our priorities and values are. 

Photo Credit: Creative Commons

It is pretty simple to say “I always put God first”, but reality may be different. In reality we may only acknowledge God at church or with our Christian friends. 

What about the value and time you spend on yourself? Is it wrong to make yourself a priority? 

Where does your spouse fit into your life? How would a functioning, healthy, stable and emotionally satisfying relationship fuel you? Are there steps you can take to send your marriage to the next level? 

What would your relationship with your kids look like if they were given the right leadership by you because your priorities are set in order? Do you have questions about where your kids fit in? Have you placed too high a priority on your kids? Is there such a thing? 

What about friends? Are they important? What should your peer to peer relationships look like? What if you really don't have any real friends, will that affect the other areas of your life? How do you choose friends? How do you make new friends? What if you are not a people person? These questions have answers. 

I want to begin a new series soon on priorities, but I need your help. I want you to help write it. That's right. I want you to help me write for you. 

Weird? 

I don't think so. 

I want to know what you think and feel about priorities. How do you view priorities? What order should your priorities be in? 

Do you have questions about priorities? 

I want to address things that matter. I believe priorities matter. I want to give you information you need that helps you in a very real way. 

There will be two ways you can help. 

1. Leave a comment.

Below is a comment section. Don't see it? Try clicking on the title of this post and then scroll down or click on the highlighted word that says comment below. Once you have a comment box open, all you have to do is ask. Fire away. You can share your name, your website information, or be as anonymous as you want. Just remember to hit the “Publish” button when you are done. Easy, right? 

2. You can leave me an e-mail.

ayearinthespirituallife@hotmail.com. This is a more private way to communicate and will allow you to safely ask the most intimate question. If you submit this way, I will only use your name if you state I can in your e-mail. I will not sell your e-mail or spam you with junk. 

This project will begin soon, but it won't be as good as it can be with out you. So what are you waiting for? What questions do you have about priorities?