The 4 Laws of a Happy Marriage

Want a Happy Marriage? 

Then follow the law...

Like anything else; physics, math, a State or a Nation, there are laws for a marriage. Follow the laws and the marriage will have a long happy life. Break the laws and there are consequences.

Genesis 2: 24-25 says: Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh. And they were both naked, the man and his wife, and were not shamed. 

LAW 1: LEAVE 

No one wants a mama’s boy. Seriously! Cut the apron strings. If you are place more value and importance on what Mom says, does, or thinks than you do your wife, you are in for a very rocky road. 

We are called to leave mom and dad for a reason. Men, you are called to leave mom and dad because you have to stop being the child and start being a leader. 

For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the savior of the body. Ephesians 5:23

Woman, you need to let go as well. Your mom is probably an awesome lady, but she does not need to know everything that goes on in your marriage! Your Daddy is a great guy, but you don’t need to let him be the most important man in your life anymore. That should be your spouse. 

Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. Ephesians 5:22

Paul said something that I think is applicable to marriage here. In Philippians he said he forgets what is behind and reaches for what is ahead. Do the same thing in your marriage. 

LAW 2: CLEAVE 

Dictionary.com defines cleave as this: to adhere closely; stick; cling (usually followed by to ). to remain faithful 

This is the law of pursuit. Do not stop trying to chase each other. Just because you’re married does not mean you can give up the chase. Your spouse needs to feel valued, needs to feel special. You need to tell your spouse through your actions that if you had the choice, you would pick her/him again. 

Do things together. Get a hobby or pass time that you both enjoy and make a decision to spend that time together. This is a matter of priorities. 

Also, protect one another here. If you are chasing your spouse, that means they are too busy with you to notice the guy at work chasing her, or the woman at church (yes THAT happens) trying to get close to your man! There are people out there who would swoop in to break you up; not because of some Machiavellian scheme, but because Satan hates marriage and will do anything he can to destroy it! 

LAW 3: BECOME ONE FLESH 

This law has 2 parts: the physical and the spiritual. 

Physically, well, that is the fun part. Sex is good. God created it to be in a marriage with one man, one woman, loving one another in a physical and visceral way. 

There is holiness to it, a joy in it, and it should not be a task, a job, or a chore ladies. This is a fun, explorative, and exciting time that should not be shared with anyone other than your spouse. (The cleave law sneaks back in) 

Now for the spiritual part of this law: 

Spiritually unity is a must in a marriage. The two of you must be on the same page. I have already talked about how Satan wants to destroy the marriage. This is the reason why. When two people are in agreement and God is the focus of their marriage, then there is nothing they cannot withstand. 

Ecclesiastes 4:2 And if one prevail against him, two shall withstand him; and a threefold cord is not quickly broken. 

LAW 4: NO SHAME 

More on sex so let me break this down: 

1. There should be only you and your mate in the bed. 

2. There should be no porn in your marriage. 

3. There should only be exalting and exhortation of one another in the bedroom NO UGLY WORDS NEEDED! 

(If you want a frank discourse on what should go on in the marriage bed, I highly recommend The Good Girls Guild to Great Sex by Shelia Wray Gregorie. ) 

Sex is an announcement physically, spiritually, and emotionally, that you belong to one another. Why would you mistreat one another in this intimate time? Why does she have to say dirty words, or why are you calling her a female dog? What is romantic, special or sacred about that? NOTHING! 

Treat your marriage bed with the respect it deserves. It, like the temple in the bible your spouse’s body is the temple of the Holy Spirit. Would you defile the temple of God? Would you shout profanities at the Holy Spirit to make your next few moments more intense? 

1 Corinthians 3:16-17(KJV) Know ye not that ye are the temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwelleth in you? If any man defile the temple of God, him shall God destroy; for the temple of God is holy, which temple ye are. 

These laws are God’s design for marriage. Like the law of gravity these laws just are. I did not make them up. Here they are in the bible for all to see. They are there because God designed us to not be alone: we are stronger together. 

Join the Conversation: 

In a wedding ceremony I have heard it read like this: “For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother” , so I ask you, is your marriage a “cause” worth fighting for?

Victim or Victor?

For the last few days I have been in the hospital with my youngest child while she got surgery and recovered. We have been home since Wednesday, and she has experienced a lot of pain since then. It has me thinking, pain without purpose is torture and pain with purpose is like exercise: for our benefit. 

Try telling that to my 14 year old as she struggles through post op recovery: she does not want to hear it. It is true none the less. 

Spiritual and emotional pain is often harder to deal with than physical pain, but the premise is the same: deal with your pain because it has purpose. Heartache and pain can make us into one of two things: a victim or a victor. 

Jesus said that our sorrows will turn to joy and that our pain will be like a woman in labor. It will hurt for a while, but soon our joy will be complete and we will forget the severity of the pain in our rejoicing. 

The victim says “why does all this happen to me?” and “Why can’t I ever catch a break?” 

The victor says “Even if I never learn the “why” I will continue to move forward” and “God will make a way, where there seems to be no way”. 

Look, I have been a victim and I have been a victor. I know the difference. I choose to walk in victory every time! It is not easy. We are human after all. We fall down, scrap our knee, and we cry. There is no shame in that! 

It is when we stay down; because we fear falling again so much that we rather live from a position of flight rather than fight that we become the victim. 

STAND UP! 

How can you fight the battle if you have laid down in surrender? How can you stand in faith believing that God is fighting with and for you if you are crouched in fear? 

So, you stand up, now what? 

Do not think, that because you changed your stance that all the wrongs and injustices that have happened to you will suddenly be righted. Standing is a change in heart and attitude. God will see it. He will meet you where your faith is. Eventually though, He will want you to exercise your faith muscles and develop a strategy to defeat the enemy yourself. 

Ephesians 6:10-18 says: 

“Finally, my brethren, be strong in the Lord, and in the power of his might. Put on the whole armor of God that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil. For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. Wherefore take unto you the whole armor of God that ye may be able to withstand in the evil day, and having done all, to stand. Stand therefore, having your loins girt about with truth, and having on the breastplate of righteousness; And your feet shod with the preparation of the gospel of peace; Above all, taking the shield of faith, wherewith ye shall be able to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked. And take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God: Praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, and watching thereunto with all perseverance and supplication for all saints.” 

No battle can be won without standing, watching, being mindful of who our enemy is, of who our leader is, and knowing that if God says we are more than conquerors than it is true. 

So when you are hurt, and it will happen, stand up and proclaim whose child you are, who has the victory, and when all else seems to fail: stand! God will see and fight alongside you! 

Refuse to be a victim and you will begin to learn how to stand in victory!

Motivational Speech? Nope! What Fasting my Words Taught Me.

Fasting for two days is difficult- for me anyway! I love food, and a fast never goes by fast. 

But God did not tell me to fast my favorite foods, or even coffee; which might have killed me, I am just sayin’.

Nope. He told me to fast my words.

As a woman, I talk an average amount, maybe more than average… and not talking for two days was much more difficult than I thought. Playing a perpetual game of charades for 48 hours is not as fun as it sounds.

There were very funny moments trying to mime certain things to my girls and them asking me “What is it Lassie? Did Timmy fall down the well?”

The funniest thing was people’s reaction in public. Knowing just a little bit of ASL (American Sign Language) and typing out requests or questions on my cell phone for store clerks to read caused quite a stir. People’s faces and body language changed. Some people got louder. Some people looked at me like I had three heads. I wasn’t handicapped in any way, just communicating in a different way.

So here are three things I learned from fasting my words.

First: My body language is communicating so much more than I thought.

My husband took a wrong turn coming home from the beach. Since I usually give the directions, he got very upset when I was “telling” him he had made a mistake, because he said I was acting like it was a bigger deal than it was. My body language was all he had to go by, so what he “heard” was me yelling, even though I had not said a word.

Even when you don’t talk, you mind is still trucking along at full speed. 

Being quiet in the physical did not slow me down mentally; it actually did the opposite for me: my thoughts seemed to race. Stuck in my own head, I had paid very close attention to what I was thinking, how I was thinking. It made me realize that I gave too much focus to unfruitful and sometimes even harmful- thoughts: much more than I should.

So the second thing I learned is that I must pay attention!

48 hours of silence made me realize that there is a battlefield I am not even fully engaged on: the battlefield of my thought life. Taking every thought captive that exalts itself against God is a battle. When we allow our thoughts to encroach into God territory, coming in direct conflict with what He says about an issue, then we lose. Often, we are not even aware the trespassing is going on, because we are not paying attention.

The third thing I learned is this: Our words have power. Life and death are in the power of the tongue.

With our words we can insight riots or inspire change. With our words we can tear down, or we can build up. With our words we can plant seeds or we can pluck them up. Our words can and do set the course of our lives.

So now, as I reflect back on my two days of silence I know I will remember these lessons and I am sure there will be more lessons to come.

Questions: Have you ever had an unusual fast? Can you share a story about a time when you know words moved you to either a positive or a negative action? Please comment below.