Valentine's Day Gripes

Okay- it is Valentine’s Day and I don’t know how to say this, but I am not a fan.

Too many young ladies grow up thinking that today is about some ultimate “fantasy man” fulfillment. That on this day, as if by magic, doors will be held open, chairs will be pulled out and romance will ooze from the pores of their significant other.

When this does not happen, there are broken hearts, bruised egos, and in some instances, broken relationships. Don’t even get me started on the people, both men and women, who think that Valentine’s Day can only be a good day if you are in a relationship, or at least “hooking up” with someone. Otherwise it is a pit of despair and despondency.

Let’s talk about relationships, what God says and how it applies today.

First, brotherly love for one another is necessary before any romantic love is ever alluded to.  Because we are free, a sign of that freedom is our love for one another, and the quality of that love. I John 4:7 says love one another for God IS Love, and everyone that loves is born of God and knows God.

Now, I know that I may rock the boat here too, but there is no dating in the Bible, and I don’t believe in it. I am not saying that arranged marriages are the only way to go. I believe that when you really follow God, He lays your path straight and as your prospective spouse follows God, their path is straight and it will merge with yours for a season. Dating without the intention of marriage only leaves both your hearts and your bodies vulnerable.

The only example I can give you is this- my own life. My husband, Randy, and I met when he was home from Bible school around Christmas. He had been asking God about a wife (he was 24 at the time) and he felt God direct him to read the story of Esther. The celebration the Jewish people had after all the high drama was done, included gift giving, so it made Randy think that at Christmas time is when he would meet the person he would marry.

God did not tell me that. I had to be won. First, we became friends, and that was easy enough because we had several friends in common. But it was months before I was ready to even consider a relationship with Randy and then the only reason I thought “maybe…” was because I felt safe with a long-distance relationship. (His Bible school was in Dallas and I was four hours away.)  Through letters, cards and phone conversations we got to really know one another as friends, and I knew where he stood with his feelings and commitment level because he told three months into our friendship “No matter how old we are, as long as you are my friend and in my life, I can be happy, what I cannot do is lose you completely.”  Pretty heady and romantic stuff, but needed.

I say it was needed because of this: God patterns all of our relationships by His standards. We love Him because he first loved us, well; it is the same for a man and a woman. When we know, I mean really know, that a man will not love another and that he will wait for love, THEN we can love him in return.  That is why it is so crucial that we keep ourselves pure and blameless before God, saving ourselves for marriage. SEX IS FOR MARRIAGE- not Valentine’s Day or Prom night, or because your curious and everybody is doing it.

It took three months of Randy pursuing me, before I agreed to more than friends, then six days later I agreed to be his wife. That was nearly 18 years ago. Our marriage has sometimes worked, sometimes not, but three things have held it together, and will continue to hold it together for many years to come.

The first is that we both have relationship with God.

The second is that we are committed to love one another, even if we don’t seem loveable in the moment.

Finally, the third is that we respect each other.

No matter our differences, and there are many, we are after all human; we afford each other the respect the other deserves because our spouse is God’s child. We were each bought with a price and he is worth more than I could ever pay for if I damaged him.

 So as another Valentine’s Day comes and goes, remember this: God does not want man to be alone, but there is a season to everything and if this is not your time, it will come. If you are already married, commit to love. Move forward in love and respect one another. Do not get caught in the trap of the world’s ways, but love one another the way God intended. Like Christ loves the church- completely!

Be blessed and be a blessing and remember that love is an ACTION verb.