Victory over Monsters: a Personal Testimony of Overcoming Homosexuality

Rashad McConico is a Freshman at Texas Tech in Lubbuck, Texas. He recently shared a testimony with his friends and family and I wanted to share it here for you. 

When we struggle for a long time with an issue, sometimes it is difficult to not grow weary. Rashad has continued to press forward, serving God with all his heart. His transparency can be felt as you read his words in this guest post. 

Rashad McConico

I feel that most of my friends and family don't know me. They don't know who I am, what I've done, and what struggle with yet have been redeemed of. And I know its important for others to know. Jesus might speak to you...

I'm a child of a divorced home and one of two children. My mom is still single and my dad is just barely coming around. After we hit rock bottom in the Brazoria County Woman's Shelter  we decide to go to church and seek refuge. 

Not too long after the family came to know Christ, I was (sic) seven. But even though I continued to walk with the Lord I had a huge burden/struggle, starting at the young age of 7, and still struggle with today...Homosexuality.

As far back as I could remember (even before I hit puberty) I've struggled with the lust and desire for men. The weird thing is that I never made an initial conscious decision to actually pursue this way of life, yet it always haunted me like a demon I could not suppress. 

This sin was monstrous. In the beginning, it was just thoughts. At seven years old I remember having horrible dreams of homosexuality and daydreams of me comparing older men in a sexual way, all being involuntary. It began to consume me....leading to acts that I could never take back. 

So one thing lead to the other and began to buy into this sin and I started to look at porn, both homosexual and heterosexual, due to temptation as well as trying to make myself "normal" by balancing out the gay with the straight pornography, and even to this day has been a sin that I dealt/deal with. 

This issue grew and lead me down a road that was headed for destruction and caused me to almost loose to of my very loved friends because of boundaries that were crossed on their side. There were times were I would think that I would rather die than deal with this unwanted desire for men, and it seemed like no matter how hard I prayed, or how much submission I gave to the Lord (which was obviously not enough), or how many blocks I put on my computer that I could not shake this demon.

So I wondered, did God give me this in order to create a testimony? 

Because it wasn't like one day I decide to become gay, it was like it was just forced upon me, like my sexual orientation was not my own to determine. Well time came and I finally hit rock bottom, and the Lord revealed to me EVERYTHING through counseling and revelation. 

Like I said before, I had and have dreams that I would engage in homosexual activity and in the dream it would be me as a seven year old and my mother's ex-boyfriend who was at least forty. For the longest time, all I thought of them was that they were horrible dreams, but not till I turned 18 and hit rock bottom, through Jesus Christ, it was revealed to me that those dreams were reality. 

To this day, I can see them as vivid as day. He made me do horrible things, that at the time I didn't know was wrong. I had no fatherly figure to show me the right kind of love and my real father was gone. For some reason, at that young age, my mind subconsciously suppressed everything and I coped with the trauma through eating disorders and overly investing into my friendships.

On top of that, I didn't have a father as a child to physically and emotionally satisfy the needs that every little boy has. Those two things mixed together and created one big, disgusting monster that I began to buy into. 

As well as my pride - knowing that homosexuality was wrong- and the fear of being made fun of, I kept it to myself for the longest time. 

Because all of this was bottled up two of my friends became victims, and to this day, I don't understand the unfathomable, Christ-like forgiveness and mercy that they have shown me. 

Going to college is difficult. There's no one around to keep you accountable as much as you would like. 

Your independent. 

So yes its hard, I still struggle....but I pick myself right back up and follow the lord with all my heart. That man you see/saw in the VBS videos, working with "Revolution", and being a leader in his schools and in his church...that is who I am!

I am a new creation in Christ and I don't claim homosexuality as a part of who I am. 

I claim Christ, my Lord and Savior, my Redeemer, my Strong Tower, my Healer, and my I Am.

So many of you may be feeling pitiful, empathy, sympathy, betrayal, confusion and many other kinds of emotions. Well my goal of this post is to not gain anything, but to further fulfill my purpose as a christian and a child of God. 

I hope that if you've read this, that you have gotten a better perspective of what I struggle with and what the Lord has redeemed me from and I hope that someone else is touched through my testimony and that it will cause others to move and get out of the rut that Satan holds you in.

Life with Christ as your full fledged motivation, desire, and love  (makes) those temptations and struggles have no hold and no meaning. 

So seek the Lord with all of your heart.

I just want to leave you with a verse of encouragement just as its encouraged me:

"So do not be afraid of them, for there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. What I tell you in the dark, speak in the daylight; what is whispered in your ear, proclaim from the rooftops" -Matthew 10:26-27...who knows, maybe you'll change someones life.

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Question: Have you struggled with a secret sin? Is there a testimony you would like to share? 

Be blessed and be a blessing and remember transparent is an adjective!